Difficult Day...

Today my parents dropped me off at my house for a few hours while they were out and about.

Before they left, I could tell my mom was a nervous wreck. She had packed me a lunch, picked up my mail, and made sure everything I needed was within a short distance.

Just to make sure everyone is clear, I'm moving around on a walker. If your hands are on a walker, how do you hold a plate of food? How do you carry liquids or other items? I've found a few tricks... but, overall, I'm severely limited in a lot of the things most people take for granted. Believe me... I wouldn't have known any of this had I not experienced it firsthand.

I didn't really do anything... I took a shower, watched some shows, grabbed a nap, enjoyed my "I-can-control-the-AC" climate, and basically was happy with my limited freedom.

However, right before my folks came to pick me up, it hit me: I miss my life.

Once that thought arrived, it was all downhill after that. It's completely frustrating, to be honest, to be in this situation. I hate that I've burdened my folks with this - meaning, it's not just my life this accident has impacted.

I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of the walker, and I'm tired of the limitations. I miss my home, I miss sleeping in my bed, I miss wearing normal clothes, and I miss working in my yard. I'm sick of the questions, I'm frustrated by the immobility, and I just want my whole damn life back!

My mom could tell I was pretty down tonight... watching her bring me my dinner while I'm sitting on this couch, I just thought about how it should be me serving her. She has done SO much for me, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

I apologized for my mood, and she was gracious in saying it's just one of those days. She could tell I've had enough. It's like when you go on vacation (although this is NOT that!) and you reach a point where you're ready to go home... well, I'm ready but I can't!

Is this what you would call a breaking point?

So that picture is appropriate because, at this point, I really just want to go home... lock the doors... and have everyone stay away for a while.

Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. It is what it is...

And I know this is temporary. I am going to pull myself out of this tomorrow and all will be well in the world. I guess today was just a big reminder of the life I once had, and I just don't know when that will come back.

I debated on whether or not to write all of this... but in the end, I figured I might as well continue the honesty... so there you go.