A White... and SICK... Christmas!

Christmas, version 2009, has come and gone. How was yours? Well, if you were in the Metroplex, you had a white Christmas.

And, if you were in our house, you may have experienced a sick one as well!

Far be it for me to point fingers, but I'm pretty sure the "Dr. Kevorkian" in our little germ petri dish was my youngest nephew. You see, when I took the nephews to see Ice, he decided to lick everything. Why? Because there was a sign that said, "Do not lick the ice." He thought it would be funny/rebellious to do the opposite of whatever the sign, or his uncle, had to say.

So on Christmas Eve, he was hit with the Vomit Comet. Unfortunatley, it was viral... and by Christmas Day afternoon, the victims got nailed left and right. Carson, Rachel, Steve, and my Mom. It was so bad that I've been told they can never eat my pork roast again after seeing it in reverse. Awesome!

Well, I wasn't immune to it either. While I didn't get stomach bug, I was stuck in a car for a 5-hour drive with my coughing/sneezing/oozing brother. Within 24 hours, it hit me... and 48 hours later, I'm living La Vida Loca with a slight fever and a lot of crud coming out of my nose and throat. Yum.

I slept 3 hours today... and yes, I hope to go into the office tomorrow morning due to an important meeting. But after that, I'm heading home. Besides... would you believe we're getting more snow tomorrow??? Crazy!

So there you go... Christmas 2009... in the books. Thank goodness!

Loss...

Around this time every year, there is usually a review of the celebrities that we lost over the last twelve months. Most of the time, sadly, I usually already know most of them. I'm a "news junkie," so I probably have either read an article in my local paper or seen it via some other media source.

And, as gruesome as this sounds, I am always intrigued by the celebrity death. Not because I'm morbid (although it sounds like I am with a blog like this!), but because I'm interested in their accomplishments.

Because of this, I also tend to attract "Newsies," A.K.A other interested friends who know of my fascination of the dearly departed. They do their best to inform me when a celebrity passes.

So, with all of that said, I give each of you two items of interest (to me)...

In 2009, here is a slideshow of the celebrities we lost: Link

And, here is an even "bigger" list: "Curtain Calls" of the Decade. This one starts with 2009, and goes all the way back to 2000: Link

NOTE: For those of you that lost a friend, a loved one, or an acquaintance... I mean no disrespect. I, of all people, truly know what it's like to lose someone... and from a personal standpoint, I lost several people who I was very close to over the past 10 years.

ICE...

If you're ever in the Metroplex during the Christmas season, you should check out the annual "ICE" exhibit at the Gaylord Texan Resort. This year, as you can see, the theme is "The Grinch."

Today I took my two nephews. I don't really think they understood what they were getting into. On the way, one asked how long they would get to "ice skate." Hmmm....

It's an impressive production - it takes a team of 20+ artisans 30 days to carve out all of sculptures. EVERYTHING is made of ice... walls, ceilings, etc. Thankfully, the floor is just fine! Oh, and it's kept at a constant 9 degrees... hence, the blue parkas. They give those to you to wear.

One of the rooms features a castle! The kids/adults line up... climb stairs... and slide down one of the 4 slides to the bottom. I didn't think it would be wise for a gimpy-clutzy Uncle to participate in that little adventure!

Some of the pics above were taken by a budding 8-year old photographer. (That's what you do when you notice they need something to keep them busy)

Overall, I think they had a good time. I did. So much that I took a rather lengthy nap this afternoon!

Let it Snow... Let it Snow...

Have you heard about the snow in the Northeast? Well, take a gander at Chandra...

She's in Richmond, VA. For the first time in two years, she's spending Christmas with her family.

For me, I'd love to be in the cold like that... totally opposite for her! Ha!

I show you this picture because today I heard this song by Dean Martin called, "Marshmallow World."

It's a marshmallow world in the winter
When the snow comes to cover the ground
It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream day
I wait for it the whole year round.

We won't be getting a white Christmas in North Texas... but someday, I hope to experience something like this!

My Cousin Gail's Foot...

I don't know about you, but when I look at that X-RAY to the right, it just sends a chill up my spine...

OK... here's the story... in Gail's words:

I was walking my two dogs on Sunday before Thanksgiving and simply turned my foot. I had on sandals like a dummy instead of tennis shoes. I really didn't think it was broken. However, I have Jones Fracture, which runs across the long bone on the outside of my foot. I could have waited 6 weeks to see if it would have healed on its own. There was a 75% chance. However, if it didn't, I would have had to have surgery anyway, in which case I would be looking at a recup period of 12 weeks.

Now, when I received these pics, she didn't tell me what happened. I knew that she had been going through some "home improvement" projects this year, so I honestly thought a screw got lodged in her foot! In fact, I was thinking she was the victim of a nail gun!

Now get this: She still thinks that my break was much worse than hers. Which leads me to comment on something that I've wanted to say for a while...

I can assure you of this: When it comes to breaks, I don't judge or compare. Whatever you've been through, are going through, or will go through... I am not thinking, "Well... how does THAT stack up against what I went through?"

I say all of this because I've heard, "Believe me... this doesn't compare to the problem you had with your knee." Maybe that's what people expect from me... but I hope to change all of that.

You see, "empathy" is now in my vocabulary. I don't want anyone to go through "pain" like this... it's uncomfortable, it's awkward, and it just changes your entire life from the get go!

Before my little blooper, I probably wasn't the best listener when people talked about their injuries.

"Oh, you tore your ACL? That's nice. I mean... sorry about that."
"Broken wrist? That's a bummer..."
"What do you mean you can't go out? Oh... still in the hospital."

All right... maybe it wasn't that bad. But seriously, I guess you never know what someone is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.

So I feel very badly for my cousin. However, she's in good hands. A lot of people are helping her out, and she's be waited on big-time by friends, coworkers, and family.

Please lift her up in your prayers - as well as her helpers! And if you're a dog walker, be careful out there!!!

Chandra's Half Marathon... Finally!

This weekend was the White Rock Marathon... and FINALLY, Chandra got to run her Half.

If we all remember, I ruined Chandra's "half" this year when "Clumsy Dumbsy" decided to climb over a barrier... and down goes Regan! Ahh... good times.

To make sure Chandra got to the race on time, I stayed overnight. We got up around 5:30, and departed around 6ish. Well, as she gabbed, I sped... and made sure she was there WAY before her desired time. So we arrived around 6:30 to the American Airlines Center (AAC).

After fighting a little traffic, we parked. Kevin and Becky arrived around 7:30, and we left Chandra before her 8am start time so that we could catch her at the 3-mile mark.

It was exciting... thrilling... and I was NOT at all jealous of all of the runners while I spectated. Seriously! I was fine and dandy to cheer and clap and encourage those doing what I can't do right now.

Chandra came by (you can see it in one of the pics above) and we were all excited. Then we left... we wanted to catch her at that 6. Unfortunately, we ran into a lot of traffic. After a while, we realized we missed her and should re-focus our attention to the 9.

Well, we parked A LONG WAY from the 9. Once we got there, we waited patiently... and waited and waited and "what the hey???" We started noticing people walking. What's going on?

What was going on was the idiocracy of it all... we were standing at the wrong spot. We were at the 6! Son-of-a...

We then headed back to the truck and decided we needed to head back to the AAC. I drove fast... and once we arrived and parked, Kevin and Becky looked out in the distance. And what did their eyes see? A streaking (sprinting) Chandra...

As if it was in slow-mo, I screamed and passed the camera to Becky... "RUN BECKY, RUN!!!" Well, she ran as fast as she could... but Chandra was quicker... and made it across the Finish Line before Becky could find her.

So Chandra finished in 2:29... that's very good! Congrats Chandra... I'm so glad you didn't break anything, and you finally got your Half in for the year!

Back to the Gym...

Yesterday was a big day for me...

I returned to my gym.

This was my first time to walk through those doors since April. It was my own "right of passage" that I felt I needed to accomplish in order to be on my way for recovery.

The first thing I wanted to do was to figure out how strong my leg is. Earlier this year, when I was training, I would do various leg exercises to strengthen my leg muscles. Knowing that I'm not allowed to do any sort of "knee bends," that limited me in some respect.

I sat down on the leg extension machine... in the past, I would usually put 60-70 lbs or more on it. The least amount of weight that it would take with a pin in it was 30. Well, I tried it... and I barely got the extended.

I'll be honest... it shocked me.

I then pulled the pin and I figured that just moving the bar up and down was about 15 lbs. I did one set... and my heart was speaking to me big time. I know I should have been prepared, but it really was working on my emotions to know how far back I am in my conditioning. Even a year ago, when I first started training for a Half Marathon, I could at least do 50 lbs.

I did a few more sets... and all the while, I kept thinking, "My gosh... I've got a lot of work ahead of me." And so, by the time I got off the machine, I was determined to put it all behind me. The past is the past... what's done is done... and I can't compare myself to my old body. This is what I've got to work with, so I might as well make the best of it.

I then went to another machine and worked my hamstrings and calves, and then decided to head upstairs - bikes and treadmills.

Plopping down on a "sit down bike," I set the timer for 20 minutes. I then started it up... and biked. It was a very odd feeling - letting the knee go in the "bicycle" motion. Halfway through, it was starting to hurt, but not too bad. I pressed on... and finished with 5 miles! That felt like a big accomplishment to me.

I then headed over to the treadmill... set it for 20 minutes and a bit of an incline (I'm a man of routine). I walked and walked... by 10 minutes, I was feeling pretty tired. I almost quit, but figured I'd go for 12 minutes. After that, I felt good enough to go another 2... and I just kept doing that. Sure enough, I made it to the 20 minutes... 1.10 miles!

And that was it... I couldn't go anymore. I went down the stairs, and came home. I was done. But I felt really good... and I was able to accomplish something I haven't done in a long time.

Today? I'm pretty sore... but I'm hoping to maybe go back in a few days. For the "moms" out there, I'm not going to overdo it.

So I'm on my way... one small step at a time.

Scars...

Have you ever thought about the scars on your body? Or counted them?

When I was growing up, I gave my folks fits! For some reason, I had a motor that was always on the go... and it usually got me into trouble.

Here is a rundown of some of the things I did...

The earliest recollection I have of an injury was something my parents have told me. When I was 3 or 4, I was seeing the Pediatrician. He was giving me a physical and asked, "When did Regan break his collar bone?" Apparently I did something, broke it, but never reported it to the parents. All I remember was falling down a lot... ha!

One time, when my parents had their insurance agent over, I decided this was the best time to climb up to the top of my closet and get something. Well, I slipped... and came smack down on a Tonka Fire Engine... actually, the ladder... it went through my lip. Stitches. I was 4 or 5.

Around that same time I busted my chin open. Well, I guess I hadn't had enough excitement, because while the stitches were in... I busted it wide open again trying to brush my teeth on a wet counter. My mom walked into the ER to see me sitting on a table with the baby fat hanging down through the hole in my chin.

One time I was competing with other kids on who could make the longest skid mark with their bike. I revved that sucker up... and plowed into the back of a pickup. I think I was 6.

When I was 10 or 11, I was at the next door neighbor's house and she decided to tickle me... and yours truly bonked his head on the glass table in their dining room. Stitches. Well, the next day we were leaving on a big family road trip to Destin, FL. We set out across Texas towards Louisiana. My parents decided this was the best time to let us get pics next to each State Line. I hopped out of the car... went racing for the sign... and tripped over a rock. Ironically enough, I busted my left knee... and had to get stitches! Geez Louise!

How about when I'm a little older... 11th grade. I'm working for a Hallmark store. Safe, right? I was working during the school year to save up money to buy lawn equipment. Well, they had me change the A/C filter. Although, this was located in the ceiling. I climb up a ladder... and while I'm balancing on the top step, something happened. Either I ran my finger up the metal side of the housing, or that piece fell and caught me just right... but whatever the case, I damn near lost the tip of my middle finger. More stitches... and a deformity I have to this day.

Which brings me to the scar above... I guess it's just another sign of "life," huh? Well, it came to mind recently when I heard this:

"Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going."

Tonight I spoke with my grandmother who seemed surprised that I'm not in the dumps or focusing on the negative. I told her this: I don't want this to define me. I don't want my life to just "stop" because this event happened in my life.

Life is for the living... if you've followed this blog, you know that has been something I've preached. Take advantage of the opportunity you have to do what God has granted to each of us each day: LIVE!

Don't focus on the past... don't dwell on the scars. DO something with your life... because, believe me, you never know what may happen tomorrow!

Saturday is going to be a big day for me. I'm walking into my gym for the first time since April. I'm going to try... try to ride a bike, get on the treadmill, lift my leg using weights. It's going to be painful. I know that for a fact. But, there's no gain without pain, right???

So while my body may have numerous scars, I'm pressing on. I've got to get this leg strengthened... not just to run, but to walk without pain or unsteadiness. I've got a whole life before me!

"What lies behind us,
And what lies before us,
Are tiny matters,
Compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ahh... This Explains Everything...

Never Married, Over 40, Well-Adjusted

By Kathleen Doheny

SATURDAY, Dec. 5 (HealthDay News) -- Pity the poor single people who pass their 40th birthday without ever tying the knot, since research has shown that never-married adults have more health woes than married folks. And, um, isn't there something wrong with those who go it alone anyway?

Not so fast.

A new study looking at psychological measures shows that never-married people aged 40 and up can be just as resourceful, psychologically speaking, as their married counterparts.

Wait, there's more.

"If you look at never marrieds who are high on mastery -- they feel like they are in the driver's seat and in control of their lives -- and high on self-sufficiency -- they know how to take care of themselves -- they actually have better emotional well-being than married people," said study author Jamila Bookwala, an associate professor of psychology at Lafayette College in Easton, Pa. Her report is published in the Nov. 30 issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

For the study, Bookwala drew on data from the National Survey of Midlife Development in the United States, looking at responses from more than 1,500 Americans aged 40 to 74. They identified themselves as married or never married. Most, 1,486, were married, while 105 had never married.

"What's new here is the never-married individual is getting attention," she said. Sometimes in research, she explained, they are combined with separated, divorced and widowed people as singles, but in her research she looked at never-married individuals only and compared them with married people.

Among her findings are that never-married adults, overall, do report lower levels of overall emotional well-being than their married counterparts in the same age group. But they are comparable when it comes to psychological resources, the stuff that helps humans deal with life challenges.

Bookwala looked at three measures of psychological resources, including personal mastery (the degree people think they have control over things in life, which is important to avoid depression), agency (the tendency to focus on oneself, which is good for mental health) and self-sufficiency (a sense of autonomy, which is also linked with better mental health).

The never-married participants do tend to have fewer social resources, she said. "In general they tend to report less [perceived] support from families than marrieds."

But the higher the never-married individuals scored on those psychological resources, the better their emotional well-being, she found. Better, even, than the married folks, if they scored high on those measures.

"In that sense, we find our study debunks that myth of something being wrong with the never-married individual," Bookwala said.

In fact, high levels of self-sufficiency may work against people in a marriage, she noted. "For a marriage to work well, you need a certain amount of interdependence," Bookwala said. It could, in fact, explain why some never-married people decided not to wed.

Or, she said, they may have developed self-sufficiency the longer they stayed single.

The study suggests that marriage -- often touted as the best lifetime relationship goal -- may not be best for everyone, said Patrick Markey, an associate professor of psychology at Villanova University in Villanova, Pa.

For most people, marriage might be a desirable goal, he said. "But there might be a subset of people, the ultra-independent individual, for whom this may not be the best life course."

He's referring to those people who Bookwala found high in self-sufficiency. "They might actually be happier because they didn't get married," Markey said.

But, he pointed out, the sample size of never-married participants in the study, a little over 100, is low. So, it's possible that a larger study with never-married people might produce different results.

My Year Almost Got Even MORE Interesting...

As most of you know, I'm a "commuter" - I take a train into work each day.

Some people were a little surprised that I continued to opt for the train over driving after I returned to work. However, it's more of a beating to drive from where I live.

Most of the time, the train is pretty convenient. The station is about 10 minutes from my house, and it takes 25 minutes for the trip downtown. Once on, I listen to my music... read... play games... or sleep.

For about 15 minutes of my trip, I'm underground. Yesterday was an odd experience... we came out of the tunnel to see a blizzard! Yep, we got snow. It was beautiful... and dangerous!

As soon as I was off the train, I realized that I shouldn't be walking around in the slushy mess. I'm nervous on wet sidewalks as it is! Anyway, nothing really scary to report - I made it into a building and took 2 skybridges to my office.

However, going home for the day... now THAT was an experience.

The snow had stopped early in the morning... so everything was dry. I was making my way down the sidewalk, approaching the crosswalk, in front of the Pearl Street station.

I could see the seconds tick down for the crosswalk... but there was a policeman there directing traffic. The crosswalk goes across a street and the tracks... the station is in the middle.

Well, the policeman (woman, actually) likes people A LOT more than drivers. She always says she's there for us, even though I know the building pays her to direct the departing cars.

Just as I approached her, the light changed... meaning, "Don't cross." However, she was holding up a big "box truck" and said, "Come on, baby! Go ahead and cross." I smiled... said "Thank you very much"...

And then the loudest HORN went off!

I looked up and coming right at me on my left side was the train! You see, she held up the box truck... but neither of us could see that on the other side was a train leaving the station!

I thought, "Sweet Merciful Crap" because that is what was in my pants now! That train was moving and it wasn't stopping. It was probably 10 feet from me when it blew the horn.

Well, once I'm moving, I can't stop easily... so my only option was to go forward. Unfortunately, I needed to pick up the pace so I busted out into my first run...

(Did you catch that? I had to run! I haven't run since April...)

Well, the train kept honking and I kept moving. I say "moving" because that's the simplest way to describe what I was trying to do. My knee was screaming at me, "HEY JERK! WHAT THE $&#&@(! ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME???"

So, it looked like a cross between a trot and a hop. Not pretty. But, I guess if the alternative was getting hit (knocked down, run over, bumped, etc) by a train, I'll take that.

Anyway, I couldn't believe it. I immediately thought that this would have punctuated the year perfectly... ha!

How is the knee today? Dang sore. Swollen. Not happy.

"How's the Knee???"

Tomorrow will be exactly 3 weeks since my last surgery... which also means it's been 7 months since my first.

My how time has flown by... (sarcasm)

A lot of people have inquired as to how things are going with the knee... so, here is an update.

I guess there is one noticeable change since the surgery: Flexibility.

Before, I was limited in my motion due to the wires. I still have roughly the same "degree" of bend that I had before the surgery (110 degrees), but it doesn't hurt as much when I try to get it to that range.

Before, it just felt like there was a lot of tension... pulling... to make that bend. Oh, I guess I should explain what the bend is. It's not lifting your leg up. It's pulling the ankle back. Now, if you were in my shoes, the tension at the top of the knee would be pretty apparent.

There is still tension, but I think it's the scar tissue. I have to go through the exercises again to break through that "inner healing."

The second thing I've noticed is the pain is still there. I'm hoping in time (short time!), it will go away. But, it still hurts. Last week I ventured out to the San Diego Zoo... lots and lots of walking. Not only that, but it's very hilly - I had no idea.

Maneuvering up and down those hills throughout the park was pretty rough. I think what might surprise people is "going up" isn't what bothers me... it's going down. If it's a ramp or stairs, it's very difficult. I think one of the reasons is that I don't have the muscles in my calf and quads to support me.

I was talking with Chandra last week, and I mentioned I'm thinking about going back to the gym. She said, "Just start out slow... if you're doing leg lifts, just put 30 lbs. on the machine." I told her I'm not sure if I can even do 5 lbs. I'm serious... you have no idea how much your muscles deteriorate in 7 months! Both muscles are like jelly compared to the right leg.

I have two exercises I do in my house to strengthen these muscles. One is easy - toe lifts. I just go up and down to build up the calf. The other one is quad flexes. To do that, I sit on the ground and try and push my leg down where the quad flexes.

I do have some restrictions - I guess I didn't offer that up before. I'm not allowed to immerse the leg in water until after the first of the year. By then, the scab will be healed. I'm susceptible to infection until then. Therefore, no swimming - which has been pounded into my head by my brother-in-law Steve.

The other thing is if I go to the gym, I need to cover up the knee. Same thing... lots of sweating bodies does wonders on people susceptible to infections.

I'm a little faster in my walking, but it's just going to take time until everything is pain-free. Thanks again for the support...

San Diego Trip...

I have returned from San Diego... and I gotta say, "It was awesome!"

In the above pics, you'll see:

My brother's house... yard... palm tree in front yard!
The best fish tacos I've ever had...
Lots and lots of animals (San Diego Zoo)
Beach... coast... water...
Family

Enjoy!

Just Call Me "Drill Bit Regan"...

Today was my Post-Op visit (Post Operation)...

When I scheduled this before the surgery, I was told that Dr. Rutherford would be in surgery today. Therefore, I made it with Jackie - his Physician's Assistant.

The first thing she said to me was, "This may be a stupid question, but why are you seeing me?" Good grief. I explained that when I met with her before the surgery, she told me that she could remove the stitches if Rutherford wasn't available...

She then proceeded to remove the medical tape.... "Rrrrrrriiiippp." Off goes half the scab!

The stitches are beneath the incision... so all she had to do was to snip the ends. The top end was about 2 inches, but the bottom one had at least 4 inches of stitch sticking out.

They took two X-Rays (one is shown), and then she pulled them up. She kept saying that he did a great job, even though it may not look like it to me because of the scab. I actually think it looks great - and I'm pleased with the results.

I then asked, "Hey... what is that white line?"

Jackie looked... zoomed in... and then said, "It looks like he left a wire in there." She then called Randi, who assisted him with both surgeries. Randi looked and said, "I don't remember us leaving one in there... that's odd... but it looks like it's just in the bone, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Hmm....

Randi then left and Jackie gave me the sobering news:

No sports of any kind, including running, for the next 3 months... minimum!

Remember, this is the same woman that gave me the troubling news prior to my surgery. She told me how difficult it will be to recover from this, that I may never run again, and that I have at least 8 more painful months ahead of me.

She then said that Dr. Rutherford was here and that he could see me if I wanted to... "Uh... absolutely!"

Once he walked in, he said it was doing great. He checked my motion, the bend, and seemed fairly upbeat about everything. Shocking! All the while, Jackie is standing in the corner. He then said, "And that piece of metal in your knee isn't a wire, it's a drill." I said, "A drill? As in a drill bit?" He said, "That's exactly right." And then he pulled it up.

Apparently it broke off in Surgery #1 back in April. He zoomed in real close, and you could actually see the threads on the bit. Amazing! He assured me it shouldn't cause any problems, and that it would have been pretty difficult on me had he removed it (dug it out) during the surgery.

I then asked him about running... he said, "I'm not going to restrict you other than knee bends." He went on to say that most of my problems will be evident on the lower end of the kneecap - I lost all of that cartilage. But, he said to give it a try.

He wants me to do a lot of walking, and to do some exercises to strengthen the quadriceps muscle. But overall, it looks like I'm headed down Recovery Road!

As we all walked out, Jackie made a comment: "He's obviously not as conservative as I am in my diagnosis." Dr. Rutherford just kept walking... ha. I guess she wanted to have the last word...

Overall, I'm excited... this was good news going into Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for...

And I have a drill bit in my knee to boot! Whoo Hoo!

Setting Goals...

While we're heading into the Thanksgiving week, have you realized we have just over a month left for 2009?

If you're anything like me, it's not just the "Season of Stress" (Christmas shopping, parties, work, etc.). It's also the time to think about 2010 goals!

Last year at this time, I set a goal to run TWO Half Marathons for 2009. I guess we all know how THAT turned out...

Does it deter me from trying again? Does it keep me from setting similar goals for 2010?

Of course not...

To me, I'm in the fight of my life. I don't know if I can jog. I certainly know that my leg can't take it right now. There isn't any strength in it. I have a long road ahead of me... but I'm thrilled to have this challenge!

I'm excited - the uncertainty of the coming weeks/months as I strive for this goal (running) is motivation in itself.

Some of you have noticed something in me - an inner drive to succeed. I don't know why, but it's just something within that keeps my motor running. I like to set goals. I like to achieve those goals. And I like to push the envelope a little further to see if I can reach it.

So, with that said, I hope each of you can think about your own goals... especially as we're about to start the next decade!

I heard a quote recently that I want to share:

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential.

Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing.

We should never allow our fears, or the expectations of others, to set the frontiers of our destiny.

Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged.

Every man is born as many men, and dies as a single one."

Dead Man Walking...

It's been exactly one week since my surgery... who would have guessed I'd be feeling this good???

In a short time, I went from using a Walker... to using the crutches... to limping without anything... and now?

Hold onto your judgement hats, but I walked a mile today.

Can you believe it? One week ago, I was 3-sheets to the wind with the powerful drugs in my system... lying on the couch... having to concentrate not to lose my lunch.

And today I walked a mile... amazing. I truly believe I'm here because of prayers, good thoughts, and encouraging words. Thank you... to each of you... for helping me on my "First Mile."

It's ON!!!

I am tired of doing nothing... lolly-gagging around... due to a bum knee. But now? The knee is fixed... and I'm raring to go.

"Don't overdo it..."
"Be careful..."
"Maybe you should talk with your doctor..."

Believe me, I've heard it all. I'm not going to overdo it. If I was, then I would have pushed for another lap around the block or tried a jog. My doctor said that the best way to get my strength back, I will be doing a lot of walking.

To track all of this, I purchased a new APP for my iPhone called "iTreadmill." It's a pedometer... I still need to calibrate it because it was a bit off, but I hope to track my steps throughout the day.

So here is my challenge to each of you: If I can do it, you can do it! Try walking 1 mile a day. It's not that hard. It takes about 15 minutes of your time. Your heart rate will get up, you can listen to music, and it's good for your body.

And who knows... You might lose a little weight. You might reduce some of your stress. And you just might like it.

Lucky Man...

Today I made my way to work. For those that don’t live in Dallas, I take the train in from the suburbs into downtown. It’s not a long ride – about 30 minutes.

However, today was a big hurdle. You see, I knew I would be making my longest walk since the surgery. Not only do I have a good little bit from parking lot to train, but I also have a lengthy stride from the train to the office.

When I was about halfway to the office, a song came on my iPhone: Lucky Man, by Montgomery Gentry.

Hearing those lyrics, it just struck me: I’m so lucky… fortunate… blessed!

This has been an eye-opening year for me. Not only has it been the most difficult physically, but also mentally. I’ve been challenged in ways I never expected. I could probably speak on several “life lessons” that I experienced this year: Humility, Giving, Unconditional Love, Encouragement, Trust, Faith, Patience, Selflessness, etc.

While I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, I do believe I’ve come away a stronger person. I was strengthened by friends and family… from the littlest gestures to the grandest measures. Looking back, I’m glad I went through this. I truly feel that God used this to reach me, reach others, and to demonstrate His love for all. I guess you can say I experienced “The Glory of God during this trial in my life.”

So I wanted to share the lyrics to this song with everyone. I know not everyone is a Country fan, but maybe some of this will hit home to each of you…

The song begins with someone who isn’t happy… isn’t content… is complaining about his life. However, when he looks around… when he thinks about it… he really is a “Lucky Man.”

Enjoy… (boldness emphasized by me)

I have days where I hate my job,
This little town and the whole world too
And last sunday when my “Cowboys” lost
Lord it put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the suns too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I've got

[chorus]
But I know I’m a lucky man
Gods given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still runnin' good
My tickers tickin like they say it should
I've got supper in the oven
A good woman's lovin
And one more day to be my little kids dad
Lord knows I'm a lucky man

Got some friends that would be here fast
I could call em any time of day
Got a brother who's got my back
Got a momma who I swears a saint
Got a brand new rod and reel
Got a full week off this year
Dad had a close call last spring
It's a miracle he's still here

[chorus]

My old trucks still runnin' good
My tickers tickin like they say it should
I got supper in the oven
A good womans lovin'
And even my bad days aint that bad
Yeah I'm a lucky man

I'm a lucky, lucky man

Continuing to Improve...

Five days after surgery, and things continue to look up...

I went back to work today. Well, I worked from home. Some people seemed a bit surprised about that... but I guess if you walked around with this knee, you'd understand that "I'm good to go."

Today I also took a peek under the bandage to get a gander at the incision.

From the scabby cluster of utter grossness, it appears to be about 6 inches. That surprised me because I thought it would be about 4 inches. Oh well. I guess he went through the original incision from top to bottom.

I also did a google search on "knee surgery." From what it looks like, they used metal devices to "spread" the knee apart. Hmmm..... interesting. Well, at least to me.

Walking isn't too bad... though I haven't really gone very far. Tomorrow will be a test - I'm actually going into work, so I'll get a good measurement on my mobility and pain threshold.

If that goes well, I want to try walking around my block this week. I don't think I'm pushing it... I'm listening to my body, and keeping the knee elevated and iced. Besides, next week it'll get a real test - I'm going to San Diego for Thanksgiving. Lots-o-walking...

So everything is going well, and I feel like I get better each day. Thanks for keeping up with my blog - hopefully soon it'll return back to the "Running" part!

Mail Call...

I've been pretty fortunate when it comes to my insurance.

(Knock on Wood)

I think we've all heard stories where people go into the hospital to take care of a medical problem only to find out later that it wasn't covered.

That's actually been a fear of mine going into this 2nd surgery. As you know, some people keep the hardware in their knees. So I guess this could be classified as "elective surgery" in some circles.

Why would someone choose to do that? Well, I think it depends upon their age or level of activity. Maybe they just don't want to go through another surgery...

For me, it wasn't even a difficult decision: Those wires were coming out!

I guess I had two main reasons for having them removed. First, they hurt. I was limited in what I could do each day because of distances - if I felt that it was a long walk, then I'd pass. If I felt that it would be a lot of effort, I'd decline. Each time I took a step, the wires would move along with the kneecap... up and down... to the point where most days the knee was swollen.

The other reason is my mobility was hampered. It was incredibly difficult to go up or down stairs. My doctor also advised me not to do anything strenuous... so I couldn't exercise. And, in some circumstances, the knee would actually "lock." I'd have to stop walking... something wasn't right. And I knew that because it was rubbing against something...

We scheduled the surgery a week and a half from my last visit with Dr. Rutherford. I figured I'd hear something from the insurance if there was a problem... nothing. Well, not exactly. I heard from my the nurse that works for the insurance company. She called to check on me before, and told me that CIGNA was reviewing it as "pending approval." I asked what that meant, and she said they were just getting more information from my doctor.... "Nothing to worry about."

(Knock on Wood)

So after a few days at the folks, I returned to a mountain of mail sitting in my mailbox. I saw there was something from CIGNA... hmm... whatever could it be???

Oh, it was just a simple letter letting me know they are denying the following coverage: Inpatient level of care

"From the clinical information received, medical necessity for coverage of an acute inpatient hospitalization for the Removal of Support implant being requested has not been established. The procedure itself which is being authorized is routinely performed as an outpatient and no documentation has been received detailing a clinical condition or significant comorbidity that would warrant an inpatient admission for this procedure. However should admission to an inpatient service become adviseable or necessary because of unexpected findings or complications following the Removal of Support Implant, this will be reviewed on a concurrent basis following surgery."

OK... when I first read this... actually, the first few times I read this, I thought, "What the hey? They aren't covering this?"

Then, it hit me... "Oh... they're saying that if I was admitted overnight, then that wouldn't be covered." Good thing I didn't have any problems... otherwise I might have had a big headache in the months afterwards with my insurance company.

So that's what I'm taking from this - that's the explanation for how I'm interpretting this language. If you, my more experienced reader, think otherwise, please let me know.

I'm just ready for all of this mess to be over with...

Home Sweet Home...

This morning I woke up at my parent's house, but I'm going to sleep in my own house tonight. Yep, I'm home.

Not a lot to report from my day: Ate breakfast and lunch at my parent's house, watched a little of the Texas-Baylor game with Joel (he said he'd keep his mouth shut... which he did, though he was struggling), and I packed up all of my stuff. Oh yeah, m parents also picked up my truck from the dealership - $450 of work done to it.

I drove over here - first time since Tuesday - and it felt great. Weird... but great. No problems with the leggo. I really haven't had the issues that I did before - just the fogginess from the drugs.

I'm still taking the hydrochodone... as much as I don't want to take it, I guess my body still requires it. I've taken 2 today... and I can see how people would get hooked on these. It's like a blast to the system - there is a definite "buzz" to taking it, if not a little more. However, they seem to do the job - the aches and pain subside.

After we unpacked, my Mom gave me a much-needed haircut. It's been almost 2 months, and I was getting pretty shaggy.

Before she left, I thanked her again for everything. I know... she's my Mom and this is what parents do... but it really means a lot to know I have someone who can take care of me, especially with everything I've been through this year.

I took my 2nd shower of the week today, too. Well, not really the week... 2nd since the surgery. This meant I brought out the shower chair again. I actually kind of liked that... over some other things. I think some of you may have gathered that I really didn't enjoy the "trash bag" reunion I had yesterday.

Therefore, I got to thinking... I just have to cover up the knee, not the entire leg like before (brace). Then it hit me - how about trying some Saran Wrap! Well, I'm here to say that it was a resounding success. So, if you know of anyone that needs to cover up something while showering, have them try the wrap. I still had to use a little duct tape, but it wasn't nearly as bad as what I've been through in the past.

Oh, I got on the scale - I've dropped 5 lbs. since Tuesday. That's just less I'll be dragging around when I start to work out with this knee!

Beyond all of that, it's been a lot of icing the knee and watching TV. I caught up on shows I had recorded, and tonight I watched "Battlestar Galactica - The Plan." For those that are fans, I'll say this - it's good. However, if you watch it on DVD you'll know why I say, "I'm pretty sure they're going to cut out several scenes before they show it on TV."

Overall, a pretty good day. Looking forward to my own bed tonight...

Friday...

Last night I ventured up the stairs for a night of slumber on an king-sized bed. I guess I got a good night's sleep - I woke up after 9:00 AM!

After breakfast, I headed back upstairs for the shower. Like I previously wrote, it sure wasn't a lot of fun removing the duct tape. However, it felt great to finally "get a wash."

Today I wanted to get out. So, Mom and I went to the bank, Pier One, lunch at "Love and War in Texas," and then to the Hallmark store.

Most of the time, I used my crutches. However, by the time we made it to Hallmark, I figured the store was small enough that I wouldn't do much walking.

Once I got home, I grabbed another nap. It wasn't great... but it did the job. It's awkward sleeping... I start out on my back, but my snoring wakes me up. Yes... that must be some bad snoring to do that!

So, I have to roll over to quiet myself. That's terrible! Well, doing that I have to maneuver the knee so that it doesn't bend or sit in a painful way.

However, what normally happens, is I wake up and I've completely rolled over onto my stomach... which means there is some pain coming from my knee because all of the weight is on that kneecap. Yikes!

Anyway, I do a lot of "moving around" just to get comfortable.

The rest of the day was spent catching up with friends/family, emailing, and reading.

Tomorrow I'm going home. Joel wants me to stick around and watch the Texas-Baylor game, but I'm not expecting a good outcome in that game. Plus, he tends to be a little obnoxious when it comes to UT.

So not a lot of new "news" to report, but I'm doing quite well. The wooziness seems to have gone away, the pain isn't too bad, and I'm excited about going home.

Yesterday's Recap...

I woke up on the couch around 7... not a lot of "late sleeping" when the parents get up at the crack and I'm in a room "without a door" adjacent to the kitchen.

I still felt pretty woozy. The night before wasn't very good in the sleeping department.

Using the walker, I meandered into the kitchen for some breakfast and conversation. My mom had to leave early for work, and Joel was heading out to a doctor's appointment.

I then made my way back to the couch, and stayed put for the next few hours. I also grabbed a nap - hour and a half. It was great!

When I got up, I was still woozy. How do I describe this? It's like a head injury or something... maybe a hangover... it was just incredibly difficult to get my body back to normal. However, I wasn't helping things by taking more pain pills. "Damned if you do...."

Around 1, my folks returned. I ate a sandwich, gave them the morning update, and then decided that I needed another nap. Instead of fighting the constant noises, I made my way upstairs. I think I shocked them, but I can go up stairs taking 1 step at a time (good leg).

After another hour and a half nap, I came back downstairs and was immediately met by Joel... who had A LOT to talk with me about.

First, my truck has been in the shop this week. Well, he had a lot to say about that because they had called. Then he went in to talking with me about his carpel tunnel diagnosis he received today (and is wearing a brace on his wrist). Next, he wanted to talk about football... first it was Texas, and then it was TCU. All of this was in the span of about 10 minutes and right after I had woken up. Even for a person who's not suffering from the surgery side effects, that's a lot to take!

I can always tell when he has a lot on his mind and he's not finished... he'll say something, like "You really should just get a brand new vehicle." Then, he'll pause, and walk away... get about 10 feet... and then turn around with his next sentence. This goes on and on and on... until he's talked out. Given that I can't really escape, well... I'm kinda stuck. Par for the course...

Mom made a great dinner last night - Tilapia, avocado salad, and potatoes au gratin. Plus cobbler dessert. I'm getting treated like a king!

I then just got back on the couch, watched some TV, and went to bed around midnight.

So, what is different/similar this time compared to last time? Well, I have pain... but it's no where NEAR the severity I experienced before. My surgery was on a Wednesday, same as last time. I had to stay in the hospital 2 nights and had a morphine drip on top of the hydrochodone. I would be coming home today if I had the same type of surgery... good gosh!

My pain is just different - it's all on the wound. I can feel it when I move... but it's not too bad. Most of my problems has been the "cloudiness" I feel. I'm also pretty tired... like I've been up about 2 hours, and I'm already for another nap.

Today I had my first shower since Tuesday. Oh how I've missed duct taping a trash bag to my hairy leg. Well, let me clarify.... REMOVING a duct taped bag!

I'm getting out this morning. I'll blog later and tell you what I did... and how I did.

Inspiration Going Into Surgery...

Yesterday, as my Mom and I were making our ways through the hallways to Day Surgery, a door opened up and a man dressed in hospital scrubs came out in front of us. As we walked behind him, immediately it hit me: That's Beck Weathers!

Here I was about to walk into a surgery, and walking in front of me is someone who has not only survived... he endured! It was incredibly inspiring (and shocking!) to walk behind someone who literally was left for dead on Mount Everest... and humbling to know that if he could make it, then I could go make it. Not just for my surgery, but for the experiences I have faced.


Beck Weathers

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Seaborn Beck Weathers (born December 1946) is an American pathologist from Texas. He is best known for his role in the 1996 Everest Disaster that has been the subject of many books and film, most notably Into Thin Air and Everest. During that climb, he was left for dead, exposed to the elements on the South Col, where he suffered severe frost bite. He recovered enough to walk alone and unassisted to nearby Camp IV. He was later helped to walk on frozen feet to a lower camp, where he was the subject of one of the highest-altitude helicopter rescues ever performed. Following his helicopter evacuation from the Western Cwm, Beck had his right arm amputated halfway below the elbow. All four fingers and the thumb on his left hand were removed; his nose was amputated and reconstructed with tissue from his ear and forehead and he lost parts of both feet to his injuries. He continues to practice medicine, and deliver motivational speeches from Dallas.

He has said that his trouble on the mountain began when he was blinded by the effects of high altitude on his eyes that had been altered by radial keratotomy surgery, the effects of altitude upon which was at the time unknown to science. After he admitted his disability to his paid guide, Rob Hall, he waited for Hall to guide him back down the mountain, instead of descending with other guides or clients. Hall was delayed with a client further up the mountain before he could return to Beck's position. This delay caused Beck to become stranded in a late afternoon blizzard, which ended in tragedy for some, and hardship for the entire party. Hall, unable to descend from the higher elevations, perished the following day.

Beck spent a whole night in an open bivouac in a terrible blizzard with both hands and his face exposed. His fellow climbers said that his frozen hand and nose looked and felt as if they were made of porcelain, and they did not expect him to survive. With that assumption, they only tried to make him comfortable until he died, but he survived another freezing night alone in a tent unable to drink, eat, or keep himself covered with the sleeping bags he was provided. His cries for help could not be heard above the blizzard, and his companions were surprised to find him alive and coherent on the following day.

Weathers authored a book about his experience, Left For Dead, which was first published in 2000.

The Day After...

I almost titled this, "Here We Go Again..."

For those that visited me 6 month ago, you may recognize this room/couch/position. This is me... back at my parents... lying on the couch.

I'm still in a bit of a fog... but I figured it's time to try and clear the cobwebs and put my brain to use. Therefore, here goes an "attempt" to bring everyone up to speed.

We left the house about 7:30 AM for the hospital. Passed 2 different wrecks on 75... Joel missed the exit to the hospital... freaked me out numerous times while driving in traffic... Therefore, it should come as no surprise that my blood pressure was 146/94 when they took it.

They put us in a general waiting area for about 30 minutes, then had me come into a semi-private room to get on the gurney. Then the 3 of us plus the guy pushing my gurney went from the 2nd to the 3rd floor to the room where everyone waits in "stalls" for their surgeries. And we waited...

And waited and waited and waited. Surgery was supposed to be at 9:30. They hooked me up to the IV about that time, but I just laid on the gurney for an hour. Joel did his best to stay interested... God Bless Him... but he was ready for the show to get on the road. My Mom was extremely patient... and I think a little nervous.

Me? It was my 2nd time in this rodeo, so I was raring to go! The sooner they sealed me up, the sooner my recovery would start! At least that's what I was thinking...

The anaesthesiologist arrived and said I could wear my contacts - I wanted to see this time, you know? Joel asked her if she was going to give me the "Michael Jackson" drug and she said yes, and then explained that he didn't have an anaesthesiologist with him like I'll have. Ha! She was pretty feisty! She then said she was going to give me a little "Margarita" for my short ride to the O.R. - mmm... tasty. It was just a relaxer and not the big one.

So I said goodbye to the folks, saw my Mom's worried eyes, and off I went. Before I went into the room, the margarita had kicked in. Unfortunately, too much.

One thing I have been adament about during this whole process is, "I want my wires back!" I paid for them, in more ways than one, and I want to see what has been causing me all of this pain for 6 months. Well, Dr. Rutherford, even though I told him multiple times, said he'd forget and to remind him when I was in there. Sure as anything, I didn't see him... and the margarita didn't help... nor did it help when within seconds I was out for good.

I awoke in another room similar to the holding area. However, it was much quieter due to it just having patients, nurses, and doctors. The nurse that was sitting by my side asked my pain level, and I thought it was about a 7. I instinctively felt down towards my leg to see if I could feel the brace, but they had so many dang blankets on me that I couldn't tell.

Every once in a while an alarm would go off on the machine I was hooked up to. Apparently I wasn't breathing right... when you're in pain, you take shallower breaths... so this was telling me to take bigger ones. Let's just say it and the nurse let me know multiple times to do a better job of this.

The pain was pretty rough for a while. They gave me something and that didn't work. She then gave me Demerol and that started to work. I had a headache, too. This would stay with me until I went to bed last night...

A doctor showed up and looked at my leg (not my doctor) and was surprised there wasn't a brace. He asked me what I knew about that, and I told him the 2 different stories from Rutherford and his Physician's Assistant, Jackie. So he got on the phone and called Dr. Rutherford and he confirmed, "No brace." That actually made me feel pretty good...

After I was in there for a while, I asked, "What number gets me out of here?" She said anything below 4... so I said, "OK... I think it's a 3 now." I wasn't really lying... compared to what I've had in the past, this was a 3. :-)

So we said our goodbyes and I was wheeled back down to the 2nd floor and into a Day Surgery room where Mom and Joel were waiting. I asked what Dr. Rutherford said to them, and they said he never showed up. Apparently after a long time waiting and seeing on the screen that I was still in the Recovery Room, Joel got on the phone and talked with Jackie and asked if Rutherford was going to come speak to them. She seemed surprised he hadn't and covered for him (according to Joel) that something must have come up.

Anyway, we had a list of questions and waited in the room while they gave me juice, water, and crackers. I wasn't very happy about all of this... communication is a BIG thing in my book when dealing with people, and for him not to come by just didn't sit well. Plus, I wanted those dang wires! I was told by the nurses that he probably just threw them away. Nice.

After about an hour, I asked, "Is anyone coming to speak with us?" The answer was no... apparently everyone was waiting for me to go pee. Seriously... that's how you exit. If your pain isn't killing you and you can pee, you can go home.

So I got up... with assistance... and had a wobbily walk (on both legs... no crutches but holding onto the nurse) to the restroom. Everything came out swimingly... when I came out, Joel was ecstatic. "Let's go!" Unfortunately, I had taken a pain pill and they said we had to wait another 30 minutes. Ha... Joel wasn't happy.

Wheelchair came, we headed out, and I climbed into the back seat. Oh, remember way back on that Monday after the accident when I was checking into the hospital, there was a nurse that wheeled me around and got me food? She was the one that took me to Joel's car. I told her who I was and that she had done that... she's super nice. She said she remembered me (due to the story).

After another scary ride back to Plano, Joel helped support me while I made my way into the house. My head was not right - the meds were just messing up my balance, vision, etc. I just sat in a chair while Mom went to Walgreens and Sonic.

I ate... took a pill... and then felt nausiated. I fell asleep for about an hour, and awoke feeling about the same I felt prior to sleep. Anyway, that was par for the course... I felt miserable last night. The pain was either coming from the wound, or my head was woozy, or I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. Vastly different situation from my last surgery... not sure why other than I was pretty stationary in that hospital bed last time.

Sleeping wasn't great last night... crazy dreams, sleeping for about an hour or 2... and lots of urination. I have 2 of those hospital "urination jugs" from last time. Well, my kidneys must have kicked in something fierce because I filled up 4 of those last night! They're 32 oz each! I told mom about that this morning, and of course that concerned her. I've continued a few more times this morning, but I think I'm finally drained...

My head is still woozy. It's a weird feeling... like you turn your head and then your brain follows about 2 seconds later. I took an hour and a half nap this morning... until the phone rang. Awesome.

I've taken one pain pill. I'm on a walker... yesterday I was able to walk on both legs fine because the knee was juiced up. Today, not so much. Last time it was more on the bone, but this time it's totally on the skin. In May I had to pause like 30 seconds when I stood up because it was so painful... this time, it's like a few seconds and then I can get moving...

I have another nap calling me this afternoon... and tonight I'm hoping to make it up the stairs so I can sleep in a bed. We'll see...

This was a long one... hope I answered your questions. Shoot me an email - probably won't feel up to talking until tomorrow.

2nd Verse, Same as the First...

Six months ago, on a night VERY much like tonight, I wrote in this blog about how I was feeling the night before my surgery.

If you want a refresher, here it is: Link

Amazingly, some of my thoughts that night are the same heading into surgery numero dos. I want to just walk like a normal person again, and I know it's going to be a journey just to do THAT...

So tonight I'm over at my folks - figured it would be easier to just leave from here rather than rushing around in the morning.

It was an odd day today... I had the time AND ability to actually plan for what I'm about to go through. I did my laundry, I took care of some bills, and I picked up my house (readying it for my return).

One difference this time around is my parents knowledge - remember, last time they didn't know as they were out of the country. Tonight my Mom made dinner (pork roast!), we talked about our questions SHE will be asking the doctor, and Joel made wisecracks... typical night. Ha!

Oh, and for those that know Joel, he has already said that:

Texas is going to destroy Baylor this weekend.
Texas is unstoppable, and their defense is going to kill my Baylor QB.
Baylor shouldn't be in the Big 12.
Texas fans will completely take over the Baylor stadium.
His new proposed conference would have Baylor, TCU, Houston, SMU, Tulane, and Rice.

(Can you see me sitting on the couch stewing? Steam coming out of my ears?)

We watched V (I made them... even though they were totally lost) on their "original" HD TV. OK, if anything happens and there comes a time when my friends and family are deciding what to do with my TV, I make this my last will and testament that no matter what, my parents should get my television. I'm serious! Theirs is so bad - it's square and is full screen, which deforms the people on the screen that you start looking at it cross-eyed! And don't get me started about the sound quality...

Since they went to bed, I have already shaved and showered. Why? Well, creature of habit - that's what I did last time... although last time I was "showering" by washing my hair in Chandra's kitchen sink (with her helping prop me up while I balanced on one leg) and "washing" myself down with baby wipes.

Thank you to those who have reached out to me tonight - calls, emails, texts, etc. It means a lot...

I've already spoken with "Dr. Gasser," and I'll be able to eat/drink until midnight tonight. No personal medications tomorrow, though - my regular meds might cause problems.

Anyway, not much left to do. Time to kick the tires and light the fires... Am I nervous? Anxious? Scared? Hmmm... I'm intent. Focused. Ready to get this over with. Yeah, I'm sure I'll have visions tonight of the surgery tomorrow, but whatever pain I go through shouldn't be nearly as bad as what I've already experienced.

I've been there... done that... and now it's time to get on with the business of gettin' better.

See you on the flip side!

My Doctor Made the List...

I was in the grocery store last night, and decided to go over to the magazine section - figured I needed something to read in the next few days.

Well, I noticed "D Magazine's Top Doctors for 2009" issue was out... and I got curious.

Sure enough, my surgeon is in there... so that's a good sign going into tomorrow. Whew! (That's not his picture by the way...)

Speaking of tomorrow, it's almost 24 hours away. Am I ready? Do I know what to expect? Nervous? All of the above???

Here's what I know...

Tonight the anaesthesiologist will call me around dinnertime to ask me any final questions he has before the surgery. I will not eat or drink anything after 9 PM.

The surgery is scheduled for 9:30 AM at Medical City Dallas. We'll get there between 7:30 and 8:00. At that time, I'll be in a little room in Day Surgery on my gurney dressed in my hospital gown (awesome). I can wear shorts through the surgery, though, so that's good.

Close to 9, they'll wheel me into a larger room. There is a nurses station in the middle, but all of the patients expecting surgery will be in their "stalls." I can still have someone with me at this point. They'll hook up my IV - Dr. Rutherford or his assistant will come get me.

Next, the excitement begins. They'll wheel me into the operating room where I'll see a bunch of "masked" men and women. Last time they told me to think of a place I'd rather be at that exact moment - which I remember briefly thinking of "a beach" and then it was Night-Night City for yours truly.

They'll put a breathing tube down my throat, apply a turnicate to my upper thigh (to slow down the blood flow to the leg), and then start the operation. I've been told it will take about an hour, and then they'll remove the breathing tube.

I'll then be moved to the Recovery Room, which is a large room with a bunch of other patients hooked up to a bunch of machines. They'll start to wake me up, and then ask me a bunch of questions that I should know the answer to (name, age, etc.). They'll also ask me my pain level.

If my pain is 5 or above, they'll start to give me a bunch of meds to bring it down. Last time it took them 2 different doses before it came down from a "high 8." I think they are looking for something in the 4 or below range...

I'll then be moved back to the Day Surgery area (initial little room) where I'll see my parents. During the surgery, they will be in a general waiting room with a bunch of other people waiting for their loved ones. There will be a large screen on the wall with my name on it and a little icon that will communicate where I am in the process. Once I go to recovery, Dr. Rutherford will come speak to my mom to let her know how things went.

If there aren't any complications, or excessive pain, then I can go home. I think it's about 50-50... although the Physician's Assistant told me the other day that most stay overnight. I'm packing an overnight bag just in case.

And that's that... life heading back into normalcy. Hopefully... :-)

It's Not My Time...

Last spring, when I was training for the Half Marathon, I put a lot of different songs on my iPod. Songs that inspired me...

One song that I downloaded was one from 3 Doors Down called, "It's Not My Time." Not only is it a rockin' song, but it meant something to me.

When you make a goal, whether large or small, there is always a temptation to "give up." Now, put yourself in a runner's mind: When you're pushing hard on a long run, it would be easy to either hit STOP on the treadmill or to cut your run short.

This song inspired me to not give up. I remember it fondly when I was running in a crazy windstorm - I didn't stop, quit, or give in to the "sandblasting" I was receiving.

Well, after my accident, I wasn't really in the mood to listen to my running songs. I actually just kept the iPod on my desk. Why bother? All of the songs were for a different purpose.

Once I started back to work, I realized I had my own "mini-marathon" each day. Being on crutches ain't no picnic. Imagine "crutcheting" in the June/July heat of Texas... and having to stop multiple times before reaching your destination (just to catch your breath!). I needed inspiration...

Yep, you guessed it... I pulled out the iPod. My running songs took on a whole new meaning. Now they were helping me cross a street, go up steps, or catch a dinging train!

One day, "It's Not My Time" came on... and the original meaning changed completely. It now hit me that I've been through a lot. A helluva lot! I went from the high of about to run my fastest time at a Half Marathon, to the low of trying to stand a day after the surgery... and struggling just to make my leg move 6 inches.

Some of you saw me struggling with my walker. Those were difficult days. But, it didn't break me. I graduated to crutches, walking without crutches, and eventually without the brace. I've worked hard to increase my movement and "bend," although stairs still are a major burden.

But through it all, I'm making it. I'm not giving up. This isn't going to kill me... it's making me stronger (in more ways than one!)

And this song means a lot to me... it's not my time to give up. It's not my time to quit or sit... I have more to do, more to accomplish, and more to achieve in my life than what this "setback" has done this year.

In two days, my little "helpers" are coming out. I'm interested to see what life will be like post-wire. I believe it will be better... because, if you think about it, it's about to be "MY TIME" to get going on the next stages of my life!

Time to Make the Lemonade...

I received some rather "unexpected news" yesterday that, to be rather blunt, hit me like Mack truck!

I've had, roughly, 6-7 visits to my doctor's office. I've learned to ask a lot of penetrating questions - mainly because I get those from my friends and family when I leave ("Did you ask him...."). And we all know how much I enjoy answering "question-after-question," don't we???

I digressed...

So each time I've done my best to ask the stupidest questions I could come up with...

I met with him last week, and I'll bet I asked "what it will be like after my surgery" about 5 different ways. Well yesterday, I heard a different answer from his PA (Physician's Assistant).

Jackie started the pre-operational work - asking me questions, reviewing the X-Ray, checking my vitals, probing my gut, checking my breathing (sitting up and lying down), etc. During the process, she told me some rather shocking things that were polar opposites of what the doctor had said:

1. I can expect to be in a brace with my leg locked-straight for about 2 weeks. Most patients stay overnight in the hospital after the surgery. He had told me "no brace" and "you'll be going home." She was a little baffled by that, so I'll be bringing an overnight bag just in case. And having the brace on means I might not be able to drive since it'll be locked.

2. This is not going to be an easy recovery. Apparently, I have another 8 "painful" months ahead of me. The reason is that my knee will start to adjust to life without the wires, and that most likely arthritis will set in. When they took 30% of that kneecap off, as well as the blast heard round the world, I lost the "cartilage cushion" that we all enjoy. Given that my quadriceps muscle is down significantly, I'm going to be pretty weak for a while.

3. In about 10 years, I should expect total knee replacement. The reason they didn't do that now is because of my age. And, the knee replacements, as I've been told, last about 20 years...

So I was pretty bummed... yesterday, last night, and today. Well, today it turned from "shock" to "anger." I was pretty pissed, to be quite honest with you. I'm ready to get on with my life... to start exercising... to move without pain.

You see, going into the pre-op appointment yesterday, I was thinking, "Here we go... one more step and I'm THAT much closer to getting my life back." Instead, I was told that I shouldn't expect to be at the gym in December and running a Half Marathon in April. It's not that it was a goal... just in the back of my mind.

Well, I've had enough time to think about it... so it's time to make the lemonade. If that's the worst case scenareo, can I handle it? Can I take the pain? Can I take the weakness... the inability to go up or down stairs... the limping... the leg collapsing on me because of weakness/tiredness?

Have you ever seen that movie, "Remember the Titans?" It's one of my favorites. One of the characters, the star football player, gets paralyzed. While he's in the hospital, he accepts his "lot in life" and discovers there are Olympics for those that are paralyzed. True story. He ends up winning gold medals later in life for the U.S. Of course, he gets killed in a car wreck, too, but that's not the point here...

So that's my plan: Make a plan. If I'm going to have to walk a lot to strengthen everything, then I will walk like a man on a mission. There is a big hill near my house... you better believe I will be walking up and down that hill. I've kept my gym membership... and I have plenty of active friends who I don't think would mind walking with me every now and then.

I'm moving on... drinking my lemonade... and looking forward to what's next over the horizon. I'm done with sitting on the sidelines. Time to get back into the game...

We Have a Surgical Date!!!

Do you know what today is? Exactly 6 months ago to the day, I broke my kneecap. April 26th... my how time flies....

WRONG!!!

I don't know what your 6 months have been like, but I've seen better...

Dr. Rutherford took some new X-Rays and moved the knee around. He took a measurement to see how far I could bend it (had a funky ruler), and then really examined the film.

Diagnosis: "It's really healed up quite nicely, and the wires can come out whenever you want them to."

(I could hear Angels playing harps in the distance...)

Now this is where it gets weird: Remember how I saw him on a Monday and the surgery was scheduled for Wednesday back in April? Well, mine is more like "elective" surgery. As odd to me as this sounds, some people choose to leave the wires in. I assume because of age or inactivity. However, I want these suckers out!

I next had to meet with the scheduler. She asked, "So... when do you want to have the surgery?" I said, "Well, either this week or next is fine by me... or December." My thought was to do it in plenty of time prior to my vacation to San Diego (Thanksgiving).

Turns out, there are only 2 days from now until the end of the year that I can have the surgery (based upon availability): November 11 or December 23.

Hmmm.... decisions decisions...

So not wanting to have a Christmas with stitches, I opted for the 11th. Now, I'm sure I won't answer everyone's questions, but I can at least tell you "This is all I know about what awaits me" and then you can ask your 20+ questions (which I'll respond, "I don't know):

November 5, I go in for my pre-op. Registration, blood work, etc. This is what I did on that Monday when I hobbled around the hospital with a dangling lower leg... Should take half the day.

November 11: Surgery. I do not know the time, but it should be in the morning. I'll be out and will awake in the recovery room. If there aren't complications, I go home. Most people go home. I don't know what the complications would be.

I'll stay with my folks for a few days... taking those days off. I will have stitches and a bandage, but no brace. I'll probably be on crutches for a few days. Assuming I'm feeling fine, I will work from home on the following Monday.

Three weeks after the surgery, I return to see Dr. Rutherford. He'll snip the ends of the stitches, check the incision, probably take another X-Ray, and if all goes well, that's it. He said, "You won't see me again until you break another bone." Good Lord!

At that point, I'm on my own. I'm thinking towards the end of December, I should be ready to start doing some therapy/working out. Probably will go to the gym... might look into getting a trainer. We shall see...

I have simple goals... walk without a limp, walk up/down stairs without pain... anything above that is just gravy.

Lean into the Pain...

In the past two weeks, several people have displayed... in a word... "shock"... that I still have pain in my left knee.

I then followed it up, "Look... I haven't had a day without pain since April 25th." (Day before accident)

I was actually surprised at their surprised reaction...

Maybe I'm covering it up... or maybe I don't think about it as much anymore... but it's there. It's always there. It hasn't left... It's just a part of the whole wonderful experience I call "Recovery."

Pain is the name of the game...

So I'll just clarify: Yes, if you see me sitting or standing, there is some level of pain going on. It hurts much worse if I'm walking, much less if I'm sitting. It hurts even more if I have to walk fast (to cross a quickly changing crosswalk sign). If I have to use stairs, either climbing or going down, it hurts like a mother...

Think about your daily "commute," which I use loosely to describe "your daily walking routine." If you have stairs or ramps (going up or going down) or curbs or steps, you're gonna have problems if you break your kneecap.

My daily commute includes:

• Climbing into and out of my truck.
• Walking for about 10 minutes to the train... which I then have to climb stairs to get on.
• Oh yeah, and go down those stairs when I get off.
• Walk about 10 minutes... crossing streets, going up/down curbs... climbing 10 steps into the building.
• Reversing the process on the way home.

Last month I walked on sand for the first time since the accident. While we may think, "Oh... sand... that's nice and soft." Sure... but it's also "nice and unstable." When your leg goes down on something unstable, the knee takes the adjustment. Not a lot of fun, believe you me...

Anyhoo, one of the "shocked individuals" was my mom. She, of course, immediately said I should try and go see my doctor. Remember, she's the hypochondriac of the fam. I go on October 27... that's when I'm going. Nothing earlier... nothing later. Got it? Good.

Others that made the remark were either coworkers or friends. They expressed surprise because they think I'm walking somewhat normal. Well, I am... so to speak... but each step is a blast of pain that I'm just accepting and sparing them the "Sweet Mother of Crap" whimper.

How do you tell people, "It's like walking around with a big wad of metal in your knee?" It doesn't really translate. I think when I heard people who had wires in their body, I never imagined what it really felt like. Well, now I know... and it sucks.

Again, let me assure everyone, I'm not in some state of "woe..." I'm actually more in a state of "whoa." As in, "Whoa... I better re-think if I'm going to walk that distance... go up those stairs... etc."

Today I turned down tickets to the State Fair. Our office is going for a few hours next week. I told them that it's just not where I want to be - walking around (grinding around) a big crowd and trying not to get bumped by anyone.

Wouldn't that be painful??? Even if I didn't fall, my knee would be swelled up like a grapefruit at the end of the day...

So there you go. I haven't written much because there really isn't a lot to report. Leg still hurts. Leg always hurts. Doctor visit on October 27 to schedule next surgery. Surgery could be November 5 or the first week in December. Leg will probably hurt for the remainder of the year...

It's just something you deal with...

I Feel Your Pain...

My football team was hit with a major setback when our starting quarterback, Robert Griffin, went down with an injured knee. It happened on the first drive - he was hit and hyper-extended the knee. The result: A torn ACL.

Remarkably, nobody knew it was that severe. He actually went back into the game on the next series. In one half, he passed for 226 yards and 3 TD's... on a torn ACL!

When it was discovered that he had a season-ending injury, he (and everybody else!) was shocked. He said when it happened, it was about a 10 on the pain scale. But later, while he was running around on it, it felt like a 4-5.

Losing Griffin is a major blow to a program that has struggled for the past 15 years. We haven't had a winning record in that amount of time... which means, we haven't been to a bowl. This was our year. The prognosticators felt that we could get the minimum 6 wins to be eligible for a bowl game. Why? Because we had all of the cogs working together... and the key was Robert Griffin.

That picture says it all to me. It probably speaks to him and the team. You see, that's kinda what I looked like when I crashed down on the pavement and lost all chances of running not just the marathon... but for the remainder of 2009. In an instant, your dreams and goals are dashed.

Fortunately for him, his injury isn't as severe as mine. He didn't break his kneecap into 2 pieces... and he only has 1 surgery to fix his problem. However, I know it's a heartbreak for him... the team... and the fans.

I believe he'll recover... I believe my Bears will fight for those last remaining 3 wins needed to reach a bowl... and I believe we still have the cogs in place to surprise people.

I believe all of this because I have to... if I didn't, then that would mean, in some ways, that I don't believe in myself... and I think I've shared enough of my life to each of you to prove that I DO believe in me.

So as painful as it is right now, Baylor Bears, it will get better... things will improve... and you WILL be triumphant!

The World We Live In...

This is pretty freaky... I used to work in this building. In fact, I currently work a few blocks from it right now...

Man arrested in alleged attempt to bomb Dallas skyscraper

08:31 PM CDT on Thursday, September 24, 2009
Staff reports

Federal authorities arrested a 19-year-old Jordanian citizen whom they said placed an inactive car bomb today at Fountain Place, a 60-story skyscraper in downtown Dallas.

Hosam Maher Husein Smadi has repeatedly voiced his intent to serve Osama bin Laden and al-Qa’ida and commit “violent Jihad,” authorities said in a prepared statement.

“Today’s arrest of Hosam Maher Husein Smadi underscores the FBI’s unwavering commitment to bring to justice persons who attempt to bring harm to citizens of this country and significant danger to this community,” special FBI agent in charge Robert E. Casey, Jr. said in the statement. “Smadi made a decision to act to commit a significant conspicuous act of violence under his banner of ‘self Jihad.’”

Authorities said that Smadi was under continuous FBI surveillance. Federal agents posed as members of an al-Qa’ida sleeper cell. Smadi, who was in the U.S. illegally, allegedly told them that he came to the country specifically to commit “Jihad for the sake of God.”

According to authorities, Smadi identified potential Dallas targets in June and allegedly scoped out Fountain Place in July. Authorities said that Smadi lived and worked in Italy, about 45 miles south of Dallas.

Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert said city officials were notified of the impending arrest beforehand.

“We were clearly communicated to that there was not going to be a danger to anybody,” Leppert said. “There’s a good working relationship between the police and the FBI. This is an example of that.”

Leppert mentioned that there was another terrorism arrest in Springfield today.

Regarding the arrests in Dallas, Denver, New York City and Springfield, he said, “It’s a comment on the world we live in. All of us need to be vigilant.”

According to an arrest warrant affidavit, an undercover FBI agent first came across Smadi in an online group of extremists. Smadi stood out to authorities because of an alleged “vehement intention to actually conduct terror attacks in the United States.”

Undercover agents communicated with Smadi more than 60 times, according to the affidavit. All conversations were in Arabic, which the affidavit says is Smadi’s native language.

Suspect lived in Ellis County “In the name of God, the Gracious and the Merciful, this is my vow to you, my brother, that I am ready,” Smadi allegedly told undercover FBI agents. “And if you were a lover of Jihad as I am, then, by God, I am ready for the Jihadi life.”

According to an arrest warrant affidavit, an undercover FBI agent first came across Smadi in an online group of extremists. Smadi stood out to authorities because of an alleged “vehement intention to actually conduct terror attacks in the United States.”

Undercover agents communicated with Smadi more than 60 times, according to the affidavit. All conversations were in Arabic, which the affidavit says is Smadi’s native language.

“In the named of God, the Gracious and the Merciful, this is my vow to you, my brother, that I am ready,” Smadi allegedly told undercover FBI agents. “And if you were a lover of Jihad as I am, then, by God, I am ready for the Jihadi life.”

The affidavit says that Smadi repeatedly voiced an intent to attack those whom he deemed to be Islamic enemies, including Christians and Jews.

“We shall attack them in their very own homes,” Smadi said, according to the affidavit. “Brother, by God, we shall attack them in a manner that hurts, an attack that shakes the world.”

The affidavit also says that undercover agents attempted to persuade Smadi that the Jihad obligations of a Muslim can be satisfied in different ways. Smadi allegedly responded each time that he planned to commit “significant, conspicuous violence.”

“I want to destroy… targets… everything that helps America on its war on Arabs will be targeted,” Smadi allegedly told undercover agents.

FBI agents say in the affidavit that Smadi indicated a desire to attack buildings housing credit card companies in a “strike to the economy.” The agents also said that Smadi considered attacking military recruitment centers, including a National Guard Armory in Dallas. And he also mentioned bombing a Dallas airport and financial institution within 10 to 15 minutes of each other, the affidavit says.

Smadi allegedly later ruled out attacking the airport because security was too tight and instead decided to focus on a large financial institution.

“It will shake the currently weak economy in the State and the Amercian nation because this bank is one of the largest banks in this city,” he allegedly said speaking of Wells Fargo in Dallas.