What Might Have Been...

The following entry is not a "pity party." It is just a thought I had recently that I ran with...

This weekend a thought struck me: What have I missed in the past few months... and what else will I miss?

If there is one moment I wish I could have back, it would be that time when Chandra and I were just about to jump the barrier in Oklahoma City.

I remember it well... I saw it approaching, and thought, "Jump over that barrier and you're almost to the starting line."

I also had another thought, "Is that really safe to hop over?" Well, we all know the answer to that question...

Had I answered that with a, "Hey Turkey... tap the brakes... look around and see what other alternatives there are!" - then my life would have been MUCH different than what it's been...

For starters, I would have run that Half Marathon... the one I had trained for over 4 months to run. My friends and family would have received the text/email messages of my progress, and I would have spent the afternoon celebrating the experience with my everyone.

In May, I was slated to begin a major project at work. This was one I had been anticipating, and I was chomping at the bit to get a crack at it. In my line of work, a "project" is designing a solution to help people do their work more efficiently... typically by creating a few web pages or reports. That assignment went to someone else since I wasn't at work.

Speaking of work, I had planned to resign from my role and work in another group. That had to be delayed until I returned... mid-Summer.

I missed out on several trips. Memorial Day was blown out of the water... as was a 4th of July trip with the family. But one that really frustrated me was a missed opportunity to visit my Fam down in SE Texas. They mean a lot to me... visiting them just melts away all of the stress. That should have happened in June... right at the end of crawfish season! Sigh...

Back to exercise... how can I say this... I miss it. It may sound crazy to some of you, but when you can't do something it drives you bonkers! Don't put off what you can do today! I would have continued my routine at the gym, and spent time running around White Rock Lake at least once a week. That was the plan.

The ongoing plan was to run the White Rock Marathon this December. You see, the added training would have enabled me to do that... and having a goal like that, it helps beyond measure...

Yardwork? Well, let's just say I'm glad I planted everything prior to the accident. But other than that, not much else is going on. I water the plants, but rarely get out and pick the weeds. I've also hired a lawn service... which, as it turns out, isn't such a bad thing. :-)

I've had to turn down invitations that may surprise you: Tickets to the Cowboys game, tickets to U2, and tickets to Baylor. Basically, I don't feel comfortable walking long distances... let alone climbing stairs. I almost fell down the stairs at my parent's house yesterday! That would have been lovely... and they were out of town!

In a few weeks, I'm going on a trip with my friends. It's one of our cabin trips. Instead of canoeing the river, we'll be renting a pontoon boat. Yeah, that's fun... but I really wanted to do the river.

Each fall I chop my own firewood... they say a man that cut's his own wood is warmer in the winter. However, not this year. Gonna have to call someone.

And so on and so forth... I could go on and on. I guess I wanted to share some of these thoughts with you because of this one reason: I know you're interested in how I'm doing. So, sometimes it's a physical thing... and sometimes it's a mental thing. But in the end, I'm doing OK.

Life is much different in this "hinged" condition. There are a lot of things I can't do, but it's not stopping me from living. It's all about making adjustments.

So while I can reflect on the past, I know that my future is hopeful. One year from now, or much sooner if I can help it, these will just be little blips in my adventurous life that I hope to continue to pursue...

At least I know one thing: To listen to that "little voice" in my head from now on!!!

Beach-tastic!

If you know anything about me, you know how much I enjoy going to the beach. It's like a tradition within our family. Each summer, "go to the beach." Usually we go at least twice - Memorial Day and Fourth of July. This summer? Not so much...

Given my little mishap with the knee, as well as some scheduling conflicts within the fam, we didn't venture down to the Gulf Coast at all.

Want to know how much I missed it? While I was laid up during Memorial Day weekend... as well as the 4th... I would pull up Galveston.com to glance at their webcams. Yeah... sad...

On Friday, I flew down to Houston and was picked up at the airport by my folks. We, along with my two nephews, spent the weekend on the island having a great time.

The pic here shows me, knee and all, arriving on the beach. I call it "my long walk to recovery." I always look at my trips to Galveston as a time to unwind. Well brother, I have A LOT to unwind from after this summer!

I turned off work and my knee and everything else and just enjoyed "vacation." What a word... it totally describes my experience. I took a vacation from absolutely everything - and I'm so much better for it!

It rained on Saturday throughout the day... you can see the clouds in that picture, along with others on my site. But Sunday was perfect - blue skies and a nice sunburn to boot!

One thing I really enjoyed was the pool - I spent more time in the pool than at the beach. I wanted to see what it felt like to really work the leg, so I took advantage of the water and moved the leg in a constant "bicycle" motion. I could feel that scar tissue break away... it was incredible!

Plus, the pool has a jacuzzi... so I would rotate between the 102 degrees of the spa to the nice/refreshing coolness of the pool water.

The nephews were great - they didn't pound on me like they normally do... thanks to a conversation from their parents. Tanner was very engrossed with my knee and my experiences. He would go underwater with his goggles to look at it (and the wires pushing through the skin) and touch it.

However, the funniest thing was a conversation he had with me about the actual events of the knee explosion. First, he thinks I was running really fast when it happened. Had to set him straight on that. Then, he wanted to know if anyone was there to help me. I assured him there were friends and strangers there. But when he found out I got to ride in an ambulance, do you want to know what he asked? "Uncle Regan, was there a TV in there for you to watch?"

After laughing, I then had to tell him there was no TV. I then had to explain that it wasn't a joy ride. Finally, I told him they inserted a needle in my arm so I could get medicine... "I don't EVER want to ride in an ambulance Uncle Regan!"

So there you go... the mind of a 2nd grader...

Overall, I had a blast hanging out with them and experiencing my first vacation of the summer. Hopefully next summer I can return under much different circumstances...

A 39er Looks at 40...

Sweet Merciful Crap I'm Almost 40!!!!

Today is my birthday. There... I said it. For those that know me, I never advertise this date. To me, it's just another day of the year. Why do we need to celebrate?

However... maybe that "attitude" needs a little adjustment. Besides, it's a lucky day... 09/09/09!

I think we can all agree that I've had one crazy-ass year... Especially from a physicality standpoint! I keep telling people that you haven't lived until you've created 2 separate kneecaps... and blasted both pieces into different parts of your body!

"Hey, is that your muscle?"
"No... that's my kneecap."

But, I digress...

One thing it taught me is that life is precious... as strange as that sounds coming from me. Actually, it's even more simple than that: "Life" is a true gift each and every day.

Now I don't mean to say that I was at death's door... far from it. But when I use the term "life," it means "the normal activities that each of us go through on a daily basis."

Have you ever thought about that... meaning, what if your "life" was taken away? How would you react? How would you respond? How would you cope?

I don't start off my day thinking, "Woe is me... my knee hurts and I hate my life." Actually, it's not until step number 2 that I realize I have a problem with my knee. Not sure why, but it's just a "surprise" each and every morning (You'd think I'd be used to this by now).

But, what I'm saying is, "don't dwell on the negative or it will BECOME your life."

But, I digress...

I've found myself reflecting on the past and looking towards the future today. While I was 38, the following things happened: I introduced 2 friends who eventually got married, I came in 172 out of over 25,000 participants in an online football "pick em" challenge on Sports Illustrated (proud of that!), I changed jobs within my company, I refi'd my house, I improved my house, I finally put up a Christmas tree, I rode in my first ambulance, I met my neighbor (after 8 years!), I lost a lot of weight, I gained it all back, I re-discovered my passion for writing, I helped a stranger, and I became even closer to my family and friends.

I think, overall, it wasn't a bad year... And you know what? That little event that happened back in April actually enhanced my year... my life, actually. Because of that, it changed my perspective on a lot of things. My attitude... my experiences... lots of blessings (gifts) can be traced back to that moment when I was lying on that pavement wondering, "What the heck is wrong with my knee???"

But, I digress...

So... what do I want to happen in my 40's? Or, more specifically... in "year 40?" Good question...

I'd like to finally write a book. I'm serious... I've said it a million times, but I feel I have the ability to put something down on paper that is of meaning to someone. I've got several topics floating around in my head... I just need to pick one and get after it! Hopefully, when the clock strikes 4-0, I can say, "DONE!"

I'm hoping to pick up "exercise" again. Once I have the next surgery (removal of the wires) in either November or December, I'd like to get movin' again. People ask me over and over, "Do you think you'll ever run again?" My hope is "Yes." However, I don't know what that knee will take... at the very least, I'd like to take up biking.

I want to continue to transform my house into a home. Along with the improvements you've seen, there are other aesthetic touches I'd like to do... as well as some major changes to the central heat/air, appliances, etc. Time and money... don't we all need more of that???

And finally, this may come as a shock to some of you, but I think I'm opening up to the idea of dating again. It's been a long time... and I think I've cleared my head enough to know that I'm warming to the notion of opening myself up to "that." We'll see... if you're reading this and thinking, "I've got the PERFECT setup," let's just not go rushing into things. I'm like a bear coming out of the cave... I'm just opening up my eyes and taking a look around, so to speak.

Back to the knee: I want it to regain "normalcy" again. I want to walk without a limp/pain, I want it not to be swollen everyday, and I want to be able to put more weight on it without second-guessing, "Should I be doing this?" I want people not to worry about me and to stop asking me how the knee is doing... not because I'm being a grump, but because I want them to see me more as "Regular Joe" than "Gimpy McLimpy."

Oh yeah, and I want to travel and eat good food and drink fine beer and yada yada yada... Some things never change!

So there you go... the thoughts of a recently-aged 39-year-old as he now stares down the barrel of a Smith & Wesson 40.

As I toast the years - past/present/future... while enjoying the fruits of the barley of my Chimay Grand Reserve (blue) tonight, I want to end with "Thanks." Thanks for being there for me this year... Thanks for supporting me through the good and not-so-good... and Thanks for caring enough about my life to read this blog (and recommend it to your friends and family).

Let's hope 39 is even better than 38! :-)

Climbing Ladders...

My parents came over yesterday to help me with some things around the house... have I mentioned how great my parents are lately???

A few years ago, Joel noticed my brick mailbox was leaning. He said, "Anytime you want, I can come over and help you prop that back up." At the time, it wasn't really bothering me. However, as the years added up, the tilt got a bit worse. So, I hoisted the white flag and asked for his help.

My mom, who has wanted to update my window treatments, has been working hard to find just the right "look" these past few weeks. Well, she found it... and yesterday was D-Day.

They arrived around 11:00 AM, and Joel went straight to the mailbox. I assumed the two of us would dig it out... but to him, it was a one-man job. He didn't want me to put any pressure on my knee. So, I went inside and helped my mom.

The treatments looked fantastic even before we put them up. For the next few hours, I climbed up and down my ladder and removed/replaced various hardware pieces/brackets.

Honestly, it was tough. I'm not the greatest at climbing stairs... and this was quite a bit of a steeper step. Up and down... up and down...

After about 4 hours of work, we were all "done." While the jobs weren't totally complete, I think we were just worn out... our tanks were empty. My mom and I still have my office window to complete, as well as my patio door... but mostly, the job is done.

Joel dug and dug... bless his heart... but it was a bit bigger of a project than he expected (or me!). He is going to come back some day because he feels he knows what he needs to do, he just didn't have the right tools. He's 72... how many 72 year olds do you know that can work like that for 4 hours in the heat???

As for me, I'm tired today... and my knee hurts quite a bit. However, I'm pretty impressed with myself for this simple thing: I can climb a ladder! It's been a long and difficult journey, but I'm pretty proud of myself that I can go up and down a ladder.

Not that I want to do that everyday... but it's just another achievement along the road to recovery.

More Home Improvement...

I read an article the other day where more and more people are doing upgrades to their homes instead of spending their money on luxury items.

You know, items like clothes... or trips... or knees. GAH!!! OK... maybe we can spend a little money on the old knee...

I guess I fall into the "Home Improvement" category. In the past few months, I've had the exterior (and some of the interior) professionally painted. I've also had a leaky window replaced. And now, as you can see, I have new blinds.

My old ones were, in a word, craptapular. When I bought the house back in 2001, I thought, "Wow... wood blinds!" I then learned that they weren't built to last. They started breaking, and then I couldn't turn them.

I went through a phase where I just accepted it... kind of like the other projects that needed to be done... but finally, I guess we all have our breaking point (so to speak... ha!).

Once I broke the knee, and couldn't go anywhere, I figured I might as well take advantage of this "down time" to improve the old abode...

Next on the list are new window treatments. If you go to my site to see the rest of the blinds, you'll notice some of the curtains are a bit "dated." Mom is taking care of all of that for my birthday. Yay Mom!

After that, I hope to get the carpets cleaned and stretched (one is bad). Then, I should be just about done with what I want to do for the year.

Although, the "cash for clunkers" offer the government is doing for Energy Star appliances in November has me a little intrigued...

Struttin' My Stuff...

Well people, last week was a good one...

The week prior was terrible. The knee not only hurt, but it would lock up. I thought the wires were getting caught on something... nice visual, eh?

That wasn't the case... it just felt funny. The "cure" was to get off the knee... get off the leg! I worked from home 2 days in a row, and then I had the weekend of "couch patrol" to assist with the recovery.

The results were phenomenal... last week it felt like "normalcy" was returning. And when I say becoming normal, I'm really meaning "what life was like prior to the accident!"

Plus, I've graduated from a limp to a strut...

Yep... it hit me as I was crossing the street last week. "I wonder what people see when they watch me walk?" Well, I'm not exactly "Tony Manero," but I do have a little bump in my groove...

I can honestly tell people it's getting better. When I can walk and it doesn't hurt, that's a good day. When I can come home at the end of the day and the knee isn't the size of a softball, that's a good day. And when I don't feel the wires anymore... well, that's just a day I can't wait for to happen!!!

This weekend should be a good one for me - no plans, and lots of football on tap! Gray skies are definitely clearing up in my world...

Life's Not a Sprint...

Are you one of those people that wishes something would "hurry up?"

Maybe you're excited for an upcoming trip, a paycheck or a bonus, for your kids to go back to school, for a project to be completed, for an investment to reach maturity, for your house to be sold, for a flower to bloom, or maybe a brisket to be fully cooked. Whatever the case, life is all about "waiting" for something.

For some of you, if you're like me, you're excited for the upcoming football season. Personally, I can't wait until September 5th arrives... specifically, 2:30 PM. That is when my Baylor Bears take on the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest. In fact, there is a countdown clock on Baylor's website depicting the time in days/hours/minutes/seconds for when kickoff happens! What if you had "that" as your measuring stick for whatever you're anticipating???

But while we're anxiously awaiting the "season" to begin, have you ever thought "why" you're waiting? The teams aren't ready... they aren't "fully prepared." Simply put, it's not the right time...

The same goes with any of the above items I listed (or you may be thinking of)... we have to wait until something... or someone... is ready. And maybe that "someone" is you...

Let's take the marathon example. If you've followed this blog prior to my injury, you well know the preparation it took me to be able to run 13.1 miles. I didn't just show up to the race that day... I was prepared. I had trained. I had pushed my body to the point where I could run for over 2 hours to complete that half marathon. It took me 4 months to prepare... but I was ready.

When I trained for a full marathon, it took over 8 months to get ready for almost 5 hours of pounding the pavement. I ran the 1999 White Rock Marathon (26.2 miles) in 4 hours 48 minutes... incidently, on a bad knee! In 2007 I did the same thing - ran another marathon - and it took another 8-9 months of incredibly difficult training to be ready to run the Chicago Marathon. That same year, I ran 13.1 in the Nashville Half Marathon. Again, 4 months of preparation...

Now if you read the blog I wrote last Sunday regarding "The Pit," I wanted to expand upon that today. You see, I think we can all agree that I want to be back to normal again... mainly, I want these dang wires out of my knee!

But, they can't come out yet... the knee isn't ready. I'm not ready.

One of the main lessons I feel God has taught me through all of this is humility. From the moment this "pit" happened, I had to rely on others. To me, one of the most humbling memories was lying on a gurney and being rolled into surgery. I had to put my faith in the skills of others... and to know who was ultimately in control.

Through humility, my next lesson was patience. Believe you me... this has been a very hard lesson! I've tried to be patient when asking for help... it's a blessing to have others serve you, so why rush them? Patience also comes from re-learning something that you once knew how to do, like walking. My first steps after surgery were disastrous - I was on my crutches and almost fell several times. After that, I had to rely on a walker for several weeks. I then graduated to crutches. I was then able to move without the crutches, but still with a brace. Now, it's all gone... yet, I'm still struggling and having to remind myself... "BE PATIENT!"

Finally, it's about endurance... as in, "Are you ready to endure all of this?" I'm fortunate in that I have a strong network of friends and family around me. They haven't made any jokes at my expense, or have lost their patience on me (as far as I know - ha!). They slow down when they walk - believe me, it's recognized. But I think they see that I've been enduring quite a bit these past few months... and they know that it's going to get a little rougher when I have to undergo another surgery in November/December. While endurance might be taken as "pain," it's more than that to me. It's acceptance.

I have to accept where I am "in this life" and what I can and can't do at this time. Life changes... as we all know... but I believe we need to be content with each stage. Last week a friend asked if I would like to join him in climbing a mountain in the near future... then asked, "How's the knee?" I have been invited on a river trip - tubing - but had to decline because that's just not safe for my situation. Yesterday Chandra and I drove from the Flying Saucer to our favorite Italian place (Momo's) - a distance we normally would walk. Again... I need to accept what I can do and know that this won't be "this way" forever.

So while I'm learning about what God is teaching me in this pit, I just wanted to share with you that all of this is a process. No matter what we go through in life, I firmly believe God wants us to learn from it... to grow from it... and to develop a deeper and richer bond with Him.

It's a marathon... plain and simple... not a sprint. And we are in training... along the way, we will have to overcome obstacles. We will be tested. We will be shaped. We will be weakened... and we will be strengthened. Life isn't supposed to be easy. And neither is training for a marathon.

God wants us to be the best "runners" that we can be. And hopefully, whenever we reach the end, we will be prepared.

Whatever you are going through right now, God is with you. If you are waiting on something (or for someone), God is with you. Be humble. Demonstrate patience. Endure and persevere. Accept where you are in life... mainly, be content with your life. I promise you, it will change your perspective and you will see the light at the top of your pit.

I believe this with all my heart and soul... and knee!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith"

Hebrews 12:1-2