Lean into the Pain...

In the past two weeks, several people have displayed... in a word... "shock"... that I still have pain in my left knee.

I then followed it up, "Look... I haven't had a day without pain since April 25th." (Day before accident)

I was actually surprised at their surprised reaction...

Maybe I'm covering it up... or maybe I don't think about it as much anymore... but it's there. It's always there. It hasn't left... It's just a part of the whole wonderful experience I call "Recovery."

Pain is the name of the game...

So I'll just clarify: Yes, if you see me sitting or standing, there is some level of pain going on. It hurts much worse if I'm walking, much less if I'm sitting. It hurts even more if I have to walk fast (to cross a quickly changing crosswalk sign). If I have to use stairs, either climbing or going down, it hurts like a mother...

Think about your daily "commute," which I use loosely to describe "your daily walking routine." If you have stairs or ramps (going up or going down) or curbs or steps, you're gonna have problems if you break your kneecap.

My daily commute includes:

• Climbing into and out of my truck.
• Walking for about 10 minutes to the train... which I then have to climb stairs to get on.
• Oh yeah, and go down those stairs when I get off.
• Walk about 10 minutes... crossing streets, going up/down curbs... climbing 10 steps into the building.
• Reversing the process on the way home.

Last month I walked on sand for the first time since the accident. While we may think, "Oh... sand... that's nice and soft." Sure... but it's also "nice and unstable." When your leg goes down on something unstable, the knee takes the adjustment. Not a lot of fun, believe you me...

Anyhoo, one of the "shocked individuals" was my mom. She, of course, immediately said I should try and go see my doctor. Remember, she's the hypochondriac of the fam. I go on October 27... that's when I'm going. Nothing earlier... nothing later. Got it? Good.

Others that made the remark were either coworkers or friends. They expressed surprise because they think I'm walking somewhat normal. Well, I am... so to speak... but each step is a blast of pain that I'm just accepting and sparing them the "Sweet Mother of Crap" whimper.

How do you tell people, "It's like walking around with a big wad of metal in your knee?" It doesn't really translate. I think when I heard people who had wires in their body, I never imagined what it really felt like. Well, now I know... and it sucks.

Again, let me assure everyone, I'm not in some state of "woe..." I'm actually more in a state of "whoa." As in, "Whoa... I better re-think if I'm going to walk that distance... go up those stairs... etc."

Today I turned down tickets to the State Fair. Our office is going for a few hours next week. I told them that it's just not where I want to be - walking around (grinding around) a big crowd and trying not to get bumped by anyone.

Wouldn't that be painful??? Even if I didn't fall, my knee would be swelled up like a grapefruit at the end of the day...

So there you go. I haven't written much because there really isn't a lot to report. Leg still hurts. Leg always hurts. Doctor visit on October 27 to schedule next surgery. Surgery could be November 5 or the first week in December. Leg will probably hurt for the remainder of the year...

It's just something you deal with...