Cast Away...

One of the movies that I like to watch is "Cast Away." It's one of those that if it's on and nothing else is of interest to me, then I tune in.

What has always been intriguing to me is the power of the human spirit, and the ability to adapt to your environment/experience! Tom Hanks plays a character, Chuck Noland, that is living on an island devoid of everything we take for granted... and must make the best of it.

Sound familiar?

I gotta be honest... there have been times I've watched that movie wondering "what if" - as in, "What if that was me?" in an excited tone! Given my ability to "hermit away" from the world at times, I have sometimes taken the position of, "Wow... that might be pretty cool."

Hmm... my how times have changed...

Last Saturday, my parents dropped me off at my house. As you probably gathered, I was excited beyond belief! I wanted to move home and get my life going again - to me, it's just another step in the healing process.

However, one thing I didn't imagine is the lack of human contact... and how that would impact me. From Saturday until Wednesday, I never left this house. In fact, I never saw anyone until my Mom walked in the door around 2:00 PM on Wednesday.

I was going stir crazy! Seriously... have you ever been by yourself for that amount of time? I've gone a day or 2 by myself... but never 4 days!

Remember... I can't drive, so I'm pretty much stuck here until someone comes and gets me. I spent my time laying on the couch watching TV/DVDs/recorded shows, reading, finding something to do in the back yard, or sleeping.

I was VERY bored.

By Wednesday I had decided that I had had enough... I would return to the office on Friday, leg and all. Even though the brace is still straight, I figured I'd better make a go of it - especially given that I wouldn't be able to go back until Wednesday if I didn't go on Friday.

What an experience...

First of all, I became immediately aware and very focused on all of the handicap assistant aids located around the building when Joel dropped me off. You have no idea how beneficial a ramp or an automatic door is for someone on crutches.

Secondly, I'm very appreciative of those in my building - I had several people hold elevator and hallway doors for me as I hobbled along. When your hands and armpits are trying to support you, a helpful person around is nice to have.

Speaking of hobbling, my gosh am I slow! When you're moving on crutches, there's a lot of "jolting" going on and you get the sense that you're actually moving fairly quickly. But once I caught my image in a reflective window, I knew right then that I was not the rabbit I thought I was... I may not even measure up to Mr. Turtle!

I told only 2 people that I was going in yesterday, so imagine the surprise on everyone's face when they saw me (and heard me "crutcheting" along). I think there were 2 distinct questions/responses that I heard throughout the day:

"Oh my gosh! You're back! How are you feeling? Does it hurt right now?"
"You cut your hair! It makes you look SO much younger!"

And sometimes, the "hair" was the first reaction... believe it or not!

It was tough to get work done - I had a lot of people stopping by and talking with me, which was fine by me (see above!). I told the story several times, relayed how I'm getting along, and answered several random questions... basically it was one talkative day!

By the end of the day, I was wiped out. Kevin and Becky took me to eat sushi last night, but by the time we got back to my house (8:00 PM) I was a "rolling" zombie (back on the walker). I didn't make it to watch Leno's last show (recorded it), and I slept like a baby all night.

Today I'm back alone again, which is fine. It won't be forever as my Mom is coming by tomorrow to take me on a few errands.

I doubt I'll let myself get into a "Cast Away" situation again... that's just too long to go without seeing anyone.

Oh, and if you're one of my local friends reading this, you're more than welcome to come "rescue me" anytime...

First Day Back to Work...

Today I returned to work... To say I had a lot of emails would be an understatement.

Before I set off for Oklahoma City to run the Half Marathon, I took that Friday off. Therefore, I haven't been "logged in" since April 23rd.

I think I was a bit anxious this morning... while I went to bed around 10:30 last night, I awoke around 4:30 AM today. As usual, I was sweating... and remember, I have complete control of my A/C so the inside climate was a brisk 71 degrees. It's very frustrating to wake up with your back and head covered in sweat... that's fairly typical when you can't move and are forced to remain in one position for an extended period of time.

I also had another problem. My leg was a combo of "asleep" and "aching." That's a great feeling... not sure if the brace was wrapped too tight, or if it was in need of meds. I took some Tylenol and tried to loosen the straps.

While I tried to return to the sweet sweet slumber, my mind started to race... once that started, I was up. Ah... the day was starting on a bright note.

After downing a lot of coffee, watching several local news shows, and eating a hearty breakfast...
I was ready to start my day.

My first task was to check my voicemail messages. I didn't have that many... which was a good sign. I had heard that "everybody in the company knew the story," so that explained it to me.

Unfortunately, my inbox took the full frontal assualt. I had over 2,200 emails in my inbox... no lie! As if called on queue, a headache started to form...

So as you can probably tell, I spent the entire day going through my inbox... replying to emails... answering questions about my situation... etc etc etc. Man... it was one long day.

I tried to take a few breaks... I actually went to the mailbox twice today. That may not sound like a big deal, but it was a first for me. My front yard has a slope to it... and going downhill on crutches is NOT an easy task.

The first time I went (to drop off a DVD), I actually had a moment that I stumbled. I caught myself, and then thought: Oh my gosh! If I fell down and messed up this knee again... causing further damage... UUGH!!! I couldn't imagine...

But the rest of the day was spent replying to those emails. Too bad Prudential blocked my blog... I had to explain "where things stand" about a 100 times today. Sigh...

By the end of the day, I was wiped out. I logged off and sat on my patio listening to tunes. Today was tough... it whipped me, but it didn't beat me.

I'm ready for bed... and looking forward to repeating another day of "normalcy."

48 Hours Later...

Well, it's been two full days since I've been on my own... so how's it going?

Hmm... "interesting" would be an appropriate term.

After my parents dropped me off, I settled in and started thinking up a plan.

First, knowing I'm going to have to do everything on my own, I need to be efficient. If I go into the kitchen or another room, I need to think what I either need to bring or pick up.

While I need to get up to work the muscles, I also need to rest the knee. It's a strange balancing act... it's beneficial on both fronts.

Of course, I'm enjoying my privacy. It's also great to have total control of the A/C, and the "noise" has been significantly reduced. Because of that, I'm able to sleep better... plus, being in my own bed makes it even better!

Moving around is still cumbersome. I'm using the walker indoors, and the crutches when I go outside.

Yesterday I flirted with the idea of going out to get a newspaper. While I have a subscription, I have put it on hold until May 31st. I didn't think I would be back home this soon. There is a newspaper machine about 200+ yards from my house. If I had two normal working legs, I could probably make it there and back in about 5-7 minutes. However, because it's also across a fairly busy street, I figured I'd better not tempt fate. So my "Sunday Paper" was an online experience.

I did go outside yesterday for about 30 minutes. Like most people in the Metroplex, I have a terrible mosquito problem with all of the recent rains. Knowing I want to sit out there on the patio without getting eaten alive, I sprayed that Cutter Yard Guard all around the backyard. I also filled the bird feeders... which hasn't been done in over a month. As simple as those two tasks were, it occupied about 30 minutes of my time.

I then came back inside and plopped down on the couch - which is pretty much my main activity. I'm being entertained by listening to music, watching shows I've recorded in the past month, and watching the DVDs that friends have provided (Battlestar Gallactica and Eureka). Mike, if you're reading this, "Arrested Development" is next on my list!

Would you believe I've been cooking? Nothing spectacular... but I'm making it happen. I've made a pasta dish with salmon/chicken, sandwiches, and even breakfast (eggs, bacon, etc).

If you can't tell, I'm desperately trying to get back to "normal." Within reason, I'm going to try and do everything to get back into my regular routine. Not only do I think it will help me physically, but mentally... this is very important to me.

My leg still has pain, so I'm taking Tylenol every 4 hours. Yes, I'm off the major pain killers. Yippee Skippy! That's so good on SO many fronts. Ha! However, if I move around too much it lets me know.

When I'm sitting for an extended period of time, I sometimes unwrap the entire leg... that means taking the brace and the ACE bandage off. I can't tell you how good that feels. Speaking of feeling, I've discovered an area on my knee that has ZERO feeling. For those that experience nerve damage, you know what I'm talking about... It's very strange. Not sure if I'll get that back...

The knee? It's still swollen... it's about the size of an orange. That's a huge improvement from some of the pics I've posted, right? Before the surgery, it was about the size of a large grapefruit.

The leg has no strength in it, either. If I lift it when it's unwrapped, I have to by using my hands. My muscles just can't support that... nor can the kneecap. That's where the brace is a huge help.

I've had my moments... the other day I heard a song on the radio that was one of my favorite running tunes. It brought me back, and I happened to look in the mirror. I could see the brace on my leg... and the frustration on my face. However, it has made me want it even more - to get through this with even more determination.

Some people have said I should attempt a marathon after this is over. Others have said I should give it up and find something else. Well, whatever I plan to do, it all begins right now. My only goal in the immediate future is to get strong enough where I don't have to rely on a walker or these crutches.

My body has changed significantly in the past 4 weeks. I've been told by some of the girls that I shouldn't advertise this, but I've lost almost 15 lbs... and that's with me getting on the scale while wearing the brace. It's amazing to me... I get on the scale thinking I haven't exercised and I'm eating some non-healthy foods. Surely I've gained, right?

"Muscle weighs a lot..." Yep, it's mostly the muscle mass. I've always had thick legs - either due to genetics or soccer or who knows what, but they are tremendously diminished. And I guess I don't eat as much as before. So all of that combined has brought me below the 200 lb mark for the first time in I-can't-remember-how-long. Of course, I did cut my hair off... and that alone had to be at least 5 lbs!

So life alone hasn't been too bad... and it's becoming as "normal" as I can make it. Tomorrow I make another big leap - I return to work. I'm going to try and work from home this week. However, maybe next week I can make a return to the office.

Finally, it's been 4 weeks... what a month. Probably the hardest in my entire life (physically). I still can't believe this happened, but I'm continuing on with the attitude that "it is what it is." I'm going to make the best of this, and I will rise from this strengthened physically and mentally. I can promise you that!

My friend Lance has a quote that I first learned from him in college: "If it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger."

I'm heading to the "stronger" side of life...

Moving Day...

Today I move back home...

Actually, it's going to happen in the next few hours. I can't tell you how excited I am to go home...

Of course, my Mom is extremely nervous. She has reminded me at least 6 different times that "If you don't think it's going to work out, you can move back here."

Believe me... I won't be coming back.

It's not that I'm not appreciative of their generosity... I think you've all learned that from previous blogs.

However, it's time. I haven't lived in my own house for the past month... and believe me, it's driving me batty!

Besides, I have to make this happen.

While I'm still using the walker indoors, I've gained a bit more strength in my left leg. There are times I find myself walking away from the walker... not far... but just short distances if I can support myself by using a table or something.

For those that know me, I will figure out a way (no matter what!) to make this work.

My mom went grocery shopping for me yesterday, and everything is currently packed up. I'm ready to go right now... but alas, the parents are away. They have planned all week to go to brunch this morning, so I have to wait for their return before I make my big return!

What am I looking forward to the most? I would say first and foremost, my privacy. I'm sorry, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks... I like being alone. But a very close second would be my bed - I can't wait to climb up into that bed and FINALLY get a good night's rest! While this couch has served its purpose, I'm so ready to be done with it...

This is a big step. Living by myself will be huge! I'll be responsible for getting all of my food and beverage. I plan to attach some plastic bags to the walker, and utilize my pockets as often as I can.

My next step will be Tuesday... that's the day I return to work (from home). We'll discuss that in a future blog...

For now? It's all about getting home!!!

"So... What Have You Learned???"

I've noticed a pattern the past few days of people not only asking how I'm doing... but what has this experience taught me?

My answer is simple: Appreciation

It's amazing when something humbles you and your eyes are opened to the world around you... I simply appreciate things so much more.

I would love to walk, run, shower, sleep, and do most things that normal people do. Unfortunately, I'm the guy who has to rely on a lot of disability aids these days (see picture).

But I'm not just appreciative of what I'm missing, I've clearly realized the incredible blessings that I have received through all of this.

First of all, my family... Words aren't enough to describe what my parents have done for me. I've tried to express that in these blogs, but I simply couldn't imagine what it would be like had I been alone. I'm so fortunate and blessed... it's just amazing. My parents have been selfless and totally giving through all of this...

I have other family members who are there as well. Through phone calls, cards, and emails, they've reached out to let me know how much they care. Even my little nephews sent me a card - I guess they've seen a few of my pictures and wanted me to know they're thinking of me.

My friends? Wow... food, gifts, cards, emails, phone calls, and visits... my parents keep telling me how "nice your friends are!" My eyes have welled up on more than one occasion at the generosity and "giving hearts" of my friends.

Have you ever seen "It's A Wonderful Life?" It's one of my favorite movies - I own it and watch it each Christmas. At the end, George looks in the book that was given to him by Clarence the Angel and it's written, "Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends."

I've always treasured my friends... if you're one of them reading this blog, I hope you know that. I have tried to be there for each of you, to reach out to you, and to let you always know that you mean a lot to me.

My friends come from a variety of places in life, but each one means something very special to me. I guess you can say each of them has a special place in my heart. There is a connection we've always shared. Loyalty. Trust. Committment. True and complete friendship.

But you know what? Through all of this, I've learned something even more - appreciation. I am so thankful for the time each of you have given me... it's a gift. No matter whether we've spent a few minutes on the phone, shared some emails, or spent time together, I have truly appreciated your prescence.

I feel like I listen more intently... that I grow more as a person with each act of kindness on your part. That sounds crazy, but it's true.

This has probably been the toughest thing I've ever gone through. But my family and friends have showed me something that I'll never forget - giving. You have given me more than you'll ever know.

I know what an effort it has been for some of you. But not matter what, your "gifts" have been an incredible prescription that has aided me in this recovery.

So while I don't (and have never) considered my life a failure, I'm truly honored to have the family and friends in my life that each of you represent.

Thank you... from the bottom of this appreciative heart.

Scattershootin'....

I'm starting to reach my "parent threshold."

My step dad Joel, who means well, can sometimes get on a topic and he's like a dog with a bone. My truck is parked at their house, and every day... EVERY DAY... he has something he wants me to know/consider/ponder... etc. regarding my vehicle.

While my 2003 Dodge Ram has 80,000 miles, that appears to be "way too much" for his beliefs. I'm being reminded that I should sell it and get a new one, make sure I change the timing belt (the manual/book says 90k miles but that's not enough to satisfy his tastes), why is the front license plate crooked, when am I going to sell it, have I thought about changing the timing belt, what did I hit to make that license plate crooked, did I know that I can get a good deal on a new Dodge pickup, that dang timing belt isn't going to change itself, too bad I don't feel like buying a new truck because the Dodge dealerships are just going to give them away, etc etc OMG etc!!!!

He has now decided that my truck really doesn't need to be parked at his house and it can go back to my house. Even though I've told him that it would be in the way (driveway and garage) if it was at my house and it makes it easier for me to go in the back door instead of the front... by gawd it's going home hell or high water. Whatever...

I'm having a lot of circulation issues. My leg keeps going to sleep, and last night I awoke to a terrible pain in my ankle. I took the brace off last night and gave the old leg a sponge bath - man did it feel good. However, I think I wrapped it too tight. I've also had a tremendous headache all day, which has been an annoyance...

Chandra picked me up for lunch today - it was so good to get out of the house. This was my second time this week to go out for a meal. Lisa took me to dinner on Monday. I can't tell you how much it means to me when people take me out...

Today Joel surprised my mom with a new car - it was sitting in the driveway when Chandra and I returned from lunch. Hey... maybe THAT'S why he continues to tell me to buy a new truck??? (Just kidding... I know that is the reason)

This afternoon, I crashed... it still boggles my mind how doing little things wipes me out. I probably got 30 minutes though I needed a lot longer. Today was Joel's yard day... and he's not the quietest bull in the china shop...

There sure are a lot of "Family Guy" episodes on TV. Whether it's on a local affiliate or cable, you can pretty much find one to watch at most times of the day... and it is definitely not a show for the kiddos...

Ahh, the life of the extremely bored... also known as the "desperately wanting to move back home..."

After First Follow-Up Visit

Today I had my first post operative visit with my doctor to check the progress, remove the stitches, and take a new X-Ray.

My mom and I arrived a few minutes prior to the appointment. While we were in the waiting room, my Uncle Wayne came out and sat with us. He had just met with my doctor to discuss surgery on his knees. Apparently, all went well and he will be going under the knife in June. It's really good he'll be getting this taken care of.

He told them that he was my uncle, and he said the Physician's Assistant said that it was a terrible story of what happened to me. She also said she would try and think of a better one to tell people. Ha.

After we were called in, they immediately took me into X-Ray. After a few shots, I was back in the room.

The big unveiling was next... this was the moment for me to see how it looked. Remember, I hadn't opened up the brace to see the scar. I had no idea where they even did the incision.

Well, that was immediately answered when I saw it was smack dab in the middle... and it was about 5 inches in length. The assistant cut the top and bottom stitches out, but left the rest. She said it will eventually dissolve.

Next, Dr. Rutherford came in. Have you ever been to a doctor where it seemed like they were just wanting to make an appearance and then leave as quickly as they could? Well, Dr. Rutherford is NOT like that at all.

He sat down and talked about what happened in surgery. He then asked me how things were going, and if I had any concerns. He was interested in hearing all of the details - like my stamina, pain, sleeping patterns, etc. He then said, "OK... what questions do you have?" He was extremely patient and calm as my Mom went through her list.

It turns out that on June 1st I'll return to have a pin removed from the brace to allow 45 degrees of movement. A month later, he'll remove another pin to allow 60 degrees of movement. And so on and so forth.

I asked if I'll ever be able to run again, and he said "maybe... but not with the hardware in the knee." In 6-9 months I'll go in for another surgery to remove everything... and it will require another night in the hospital. Awesome.

He told me I can remove the brace to sponge wash my leg, but that it has to remain flat and that the brace needs to immediately go back on. He doesn't want this knee to bend at all to impact the kneecap.

Finally, because of the pain and stamina issues, he wants me to take one more week to recuperate. He will release me back to work on Tuesday, May 26... but I'll have to work from home for a while.

When I got home, I was wiped out. I ended up taking a 2-hour nap this afternoon... My parents say I was "sawing some serious logs." That can be translated as "You were snoring like a grizzly bear!"

For those that have been interested in seeing my pictures from Oklahoma City, the ER, post-surgery, and some I took today, I've uploaded them to Picasa. You can click the link below to view all of my pics. Enjoy:

LINK