San Diego Trip...

I have returned from San Diego... and I gotta say, "It was awesome!"

In the above pics, you'll see:

My brother's house... yard... palm tree in front yard!
The best fish tacos I've ever had...
Lots and lots of animals (San Diego Zoo)
Beach... coast... water...
Family

Enjoy!

Just Call Me "Drill Bit Regan"...

Today was my Post-Op visit (Post Operation)...

When I scheduled this before the surgery, I was told that Dr. Rutherford would be in surgery today. Therefore, I made it with Jackie - his Physician's Assistant.

The first thing she said to me was, "This may be a stupid question, but why are you seeing me?" Good grief. I explained that when I met with her before the surgery, she told me that she could remove the stitches if Rutherford wasn't available...

She then proceeded to remove the medical tape.... "Rrrrrrriiiippp." Off goes half the scab!

The stitches are beneath the incision... so all she had to do was to snip the ends. The top end was about 2 inches, but the bottom one had at least 4 inches of stitch sticking out.

They took two X-Rays (one is shown), and then she pulled them up. She kept saying that he did a great job, even though it may not look like it to me because of the scab. I actually think it looks great - and I'm pleased with the results.

I then asked, "Hey... what is that white line?"

Jackie looked... zoomed in... and then said, "It looks like he left a wire in there." She then called Randi, who assisted him with both surgeries. Randi looked and said, "I don't remember us leaving one in there... that's odd... but it looks like it's just in the bone, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Hmm....

Randi then left and Jackie gave me the sobering news:

No sports of any kind, including running, for the next 3 months... minimum!

Remember, this is the same woman that gave me the troubling news prior to my surgery. She told me how difficult it will be to recover from this, that I may never run again, and that I have at least 8 more painful months ahead of me.

She then said that Dr. Rutherford was here and that he could see me if I wanted to... "Uh... absolutely!"

Once he walked in, he said it was doing great. He checked my motion, the bend, and seemed fairly upbeat about everything. Shocking! All the while, Jackie is standing in the corner. He then said, "And that piece of metal in your knee isn't a wire, it's a drill." I said, "A drill? As in a drill bit?" He said, "That's exactly right." And then he pulled it up.

Apparently it broke off in Surgery #1 back in April. He zoomed in real close, and you could actually see the threads on the bit. Amazing! He assured me it shouldn't cause any problems, and that it would have been pretty difficult on me had he removed it (dug it out) during the surgery.

I then asked him about running... he said, "I'm not going to restrict you other than knee bends." He went on to say that most of my problems will be evident on the lower end of the kneecap - I lost all of that cartilage. But, he said to give it a try.

He wants me to do a lot of walking, and to do some exercises to strengthen the quadriceps muscle. But overall, it looks like I'm headed down Recovery Road!

As we all walked out, Jackie made a comment: "He's obviously not as conservative as I am in my diagnosis." Dr. Rutherford just kept walking... ha. I guess she wanted to have the last word...

Overall, I'm excited... this was good news going into Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for...

And I have a drill bit in my knee to boot! Whoo Hoo!

Setting Goals...

While we're heading into the Thanksgiving week, have you realized we have just over a month left for 2009?

If you're anything like me, it's not just the "Season of Stress" (Christmas shopping, parties, work, etc.). It's also the time to think about 2010 goals!

Last year at this time, I set a goal to run TWO Half Marathons for 2009. I guess we all know how THAT turned out...

Does it deter me from trying again? Does it keep me from setting similar goals for 2010?

Of course not...

To me, I'm in the fight of my life. I don't know if I can jog. I certainly know that my leg can't take it right now. There isn't any strength in it. I have a long road ahead of me... but I'm thrilled to have this challenge!

I'm excited - the uncertainty of the coming weeks/months as I strive for this goal (running) is motivation in itself.

Some of you have noticed something in me - an inner drive to succeed. I don't know why, but it's just something within that keeps my motor running. I like to set goals. I like to achieve those goals. And I like to push the envelope a little further to see if I can reach it.

So, with that said, I hope each of you can think about your own goals... especially as we're about to start the next decade!

I heard a quote recently that I want to share:

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential.

Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing.

We should never allow our fears, or the expectations of others, to set the frontiers of our destiny.

Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged.

Every man is born as many men, and dies as a single one."

Dead Man Walking...

It's been exactly one week since my surgery... who would have guessed I'd be feeling this good???

In a short time, I went from using a Walker... to using the crutches... to limping without anything... and now?

Hold onto your judgement hats, but I walked a mile today.

Can you believe it? One week ago, I was 3-sheets to the wind with the powerful drugs in my system... lying on the couch... having to concentrate not to lose my lunch.

And today I walked a mile... amazing. I truly believe I'm here because of prayers, good thoughts, and encouraging words. Thank you... to each of you... for helping me on my "First Mile."

It's ON!!!

I am tired of doing nothing... lolly-gagging around... due to a bum knee. But now? The knee is fixed... and I'm raring to go.

"Don't overdo it..."
"Be careful..."
"Maybe you should talk with your doctor..."

Believe me, I've heard it all. I'm not going to overdo it. If I was, then I would have pushed for another lap around the block or tried a jog. My doctor said that the best way to get my strength back, I will be doing a lot of walking.

To track all of this, I purchased a new APP for my iPhone called "iTreadmill." It's a pedometer... I still need to calibrate it because it was a bit off, but I hope to track my steps throughout the day.

So here is my challenge to each of you: If I can do it, you can do it! Try walking 1 mile a day. It's not that hard. It takes about 15 minutes of your time. Your heart rate will get up, you can listen to music, and it's good for your body.

And who knows... You might lose a little weight. You might reduce some of your stress. And you just might like it.

Lucky Man...

Today I made my way to work. For those that don’t live in Dallas, I take the train in from the suburbs into downtown. It’s not a long ride – about 30 minutes.

However, today was a big hurdle. You see, I knew I would be making my longest walk since the surgery. Not only do I have a good little bit from parking lot to train, but I also have a lengthy stride from the train to the office.

When I was about halfway to the office, a song came on my iPhone: Lucky Man, by Montgomery Gentry.

Hearing those lyrics, it just struck me: I’m so lucky… fortunate… blessed!

This has been an eye-opening year for me. Not only has it been the most difficult physically, but also mentally. I’ve been challenged in ways I never expected. I could probably speak on several “life lessons” that I experienced this year: Humility, Giving, Unconditional Love, Encouragement, Trust, Faith, Patience, Selflessness, etc.

While I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, I do believe I’ve come away a stronger person. I was strengthened by friends and family… from the littlest gestures to the grandest measures. Looking back, I’m glad I went through this. I truly feel that God used this to reach me, reach others, and to demonstrate His love for all. I guess you can say I experienced “The Glory of God during this trial in my life.”

So I wanted to share the lyrics to this song with everyone. I know not everyone is a Country fan, but maybe some of this will hit home to each of you…

The song begins with someone who isn’t happy… isn’t content… is complaining about his life. However, when he looks around… when he thinks about it… he really is a “Lucky Man.”

Enjoy… (boldness emphasized by me)

I have days where I hate my job,
This little town and the whole world too
And last sunday when my “Cowboys” lost
Lord it put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the suns too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I've got

[chorus]
But I know I’m a lucky man
Gods given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still runnin' good
My tickers tickin like they say it should
I've got supper in the oven
A good woman's lovin
And one more day to be my little kids dad
Lord knows I'm a lucky man

Got some friends that would be here fast
I could call em any time of day
Got a brother who's got my back
Got a momma who I swears a saint
Got a brand new rod and reel
Got a full week off this year
Dad had a close call last spring
It's a miracle he's still here

[chorus]

My old trucks still runnin' good
My tickers tickin like they say it should
I got supper in the oven
A good womans lovin'
And even my bad days aint that bad
Yeah I'm a lucky man

I'm a lucky, lucky man

Continuing to Improve...

Five days after surgery, and things continue to look up...

I went back to work today. Well, I worked from home. Some people seemed a bit surprised about that... but I guess if you walked around with this knee, you'd understand that "I'm good to go."

Today I also took a peek under the bandage to get a gander at the incision.

From the scabby cluster of utter grossness, it appears to be about 6 inches. That surprised me because I thought it would be about 4 inches. Oh well. I guess he went through the original incision from top to bottom.

I also did a google search on "knee surgery." From what it looks like, they used metal devices to "spread" the knee apart. Hmmm..... interesting. Well, at least to me.

Walking isn't too bad... though I haven't really gone very far. Tomorrow will be a test - I'm actually going into work, so I'll get a good measurement on my mobility and pain threshold.

If that goes well, I want to try walking around my block this week. I don't think I'm pushing it... I'm listening to my body, and keeping the knee elevated and iced. Besides, next week it'll get a real test - I'm going to San Diego for Thanksgiving. Lots-o-walking...

So everything is going well, and I feel like I get better each day. Thanks for keeping up with my blog - hopefully soon it'll return back to the "Running" part!

Mail Call...

I've been pretty fortunate when it comes to my insurance.

(Knock on Wood)

I think we've all heard stories where people go into the hospital to take care of a medical problem only to find out later that it wasn't covered.

That's actually been a fear of mine going into this 2nd surgery. As you know, some people keep the hardware in their knees. So I guess this could be classified as "elective surgery" in some circles.

Why would someone choose to do that? Well, I think it depends upon their age or level of activity. Maybe they just don't want to go through another surgery...

For me, it wasn't even a difficult decision: Those wires were coming out!

I guess I had two main reasons for having them removed. First, they hurt. I was limited in what I could do each day because of distances - if I felt that it was a long walk, then I'd pass. If I felt that it would be a lot of effort, I'd decline. Each time I took a step, the wires would move along with the kneecap... up and down... to the point where most days the knee was swollen.

The other reason is my mobility was hampered. It was incredibly difficult to go up or down stairs. My doctor also advised me not to do anything strenuous... so I couldn't exercise. And, in some circumstances, the knee would actually "lock." I'd have to stop walking... something wasn't right. And I knew that because it was rubbing against something...

We scheduled the surgery a week and a half from my last visit with Dr. Rutherford. I figured I'd hear something from the insurance if there was a problem... nothing. Well, not exactly. I heard from my the nurse that works for the insurance company. She called to check on me before, and told me that CIGNA was reviewing it as "pending approval." I asked what that meant, and she said they were just getting more information from my doctor.... "Nothing to worry about."

(Knock on Wood)

So after a few days at the folks, I returned to a mountain of mail sitting in my mailbox. I saw there was something from CIGNA... hmm... whatever could it be???

Oh, it was just a simple letter letting me know they are denying the following coverage: Inpatient level of care

"From the clinical information received, medical necessity for coverage of an acute inpatient hospitalization for the Removal of Support implant being requested has not been established. The procedure itself which is being authorized is routinely performed as an outpatient and no documentation has been received detailing a clinical condition or significant comorbidity that would warrant an inpatient admission for this procedure. However should admission to an inpatient service become adviseable or necessary because of unexpected findings or complications following the Removal of Support Implant, this will be reviewed on a concurrent basis following surgery."

OK... when I first read this... actually, the first few times I read this, I thought, "What the hey? They aren't covering this?"

Then, it hit me... "Oh... they're saying that if I was admitted overnight, then that wouldn't be covered." Good thing I didn't have any problems... otherwise I might have had a big headache in the months afterwards with my insurance company.

So that's what I'm taking from this - that's the explanation for how I'm interpretting this language. If you, my more experienced reader, think otherwise, please let me know.

I'm just ready for all of this mess to be over with...

Home Sweet Home...

This morning I woke up at my parent's house, but I'm going to sleep in my own house tonight. Yep, I'm home.

Not a lot to report from my day: Ate breakfast and lunch at my parent's house, watched a little of the Texas-Baylor game with Joel (he said he'd keep his mouth shut... which he did, though he was struggling), and I packed up all of my stuff. Oh yeah, m parents also picked up my truck from the dealership - $450 of work done to it.

I drove over here - first time since Tuesday - and it felt great. Weird... but great. No problems with the leggo. I really haven't had the issues that I did before - just the fogginess from the drugs.

I'm still taking the hydrochodone... as much as I don't want to take it, I guess my body still requires it. I've taken 2 today... and I can see how people would get hooked on these. It's like a blast to the system - there is a definite "buzz" to taking it, if not a little more. However, they seem to do the job - the aches and pain subside.

After we unpacked, my Mom gave me a much-needed haircut. It's been almost 2 months, and I was getting pretty shaggy.

Before she left, I thanked her again for everything. I know... she's my Mom and this is what parents do... but it really means a lot to know I have someone who can take care of me, especially with everything I've been through this year.

I took my 2nd shower of the week today, too. Well, not really the week... 2nd since the surgery. This meant I brought out the shower chair again. I actually kind of liked that... over some other things. I think some of you may have gathered that I really didn't enjoy the "trash bag" reunion I had yesterday.

Therefore, I got to thinking... I just have to cover up the knee, not the entire leg like before (brace). Then it hit me - how about trying some Saran Wrap! Well, I'm here to say that it was a resounding success. So, if you know of anyone that needs to cover up something while showering, have them try the wrap. I still had to use a little duct tape, but it wasn't nearly as bad as what I've been through in the past.

Oh, I got on the scale - I've dropped 5 lbs. since Tuesday. That's just less I'll be dragging around when I start to work out with this knee!

Beyond all of that, it's been a lot of icing the knee and watching TV. I caught up on shows I had recorded, and tonight I watched "Battlestar Galactica - The Plan." For those that are fans, I'll say this - it's good. However, if you watch it on DVD you'll know why I say, "I'm pretty sure they're going to cut out several scenes before they show it on TV."

Overall, a pretty good day. Looking forward to my own bed tonight...

Friday...

Last night I ventured up the stairs for a night of slumber on an king-sized bed. I guess I got a good night's sleep - I woke up after 9:00 AM!

After breakfast, I headed back upstairs for the shower. Like I previously wrote, it sure wasn't a lot of fun removing the duct tape. However, it felt great to finally "get a wash."

Today I wanted to get out. So, Mom and I went to the bank, Pier One, lunch at "Love and War in Texas," and then to the Hallmark store.

Most of the time, I used my crutches. However, by the time we made it to Hallmark, I figured the store was small enough that I wouldn't do much walking.

Once I got home, I grabbed another nap. It wasn't great... but it did the job. It's awkward sleeping... I start out on my back, but my snoring wakes me up. Yes... that must be some bad snoring to do that!

So, I have to roll over to quiet myself. That's terrible! Well, doing that I have to maneuver the knee so that it doesn't bend or sit in a painful way.

However, what normally happens, is I wake up and I've completely rolled over onto my stomach... which means there is some pain coming from my knee because all of the weight is on that kneecap. Yikes!

Anyway, I do a lot of "moving around" just to get comfortable.

The rest of the day was spent catching up with friends/family, emailing, and reading.

Tomorrow I'm going home. Joel wants me to stick around and watch the Texas-Baylor game, but I'm not expecting a good outcome in that game. Plus, he tends to be a little obnoxious when it comes to UT.

So not a lot of new "news" to report, but I'm doing quite well. The wooziness seems to have gone away, the pain isn't too bad, and I'm excited about going home.

Yesterday's Recap...

I woke up on the couch around 7... not a lot of "late sleeping" when the parents get up at the crack and I'm in a room "without a door" adjacent to the kitchen.

I still felt pretty woozy. The night before wasn't very good in the sleeping department.

Using the walker, I meandered into the kitchen for some breakfast and conversation. My mom had to leave early for work, and Joel was heading out to a doctor's appointment.

I then made my way back to the couch, and stayed put for the next few hours. I also grabbed a nap - hour and a half. It was great!

When I got up, I was still woozy. How do I describe this? It's like a head injury or something... maybe a hangover... it was just incredibly difficult to get my body back to normal. However, I wasn't helping things by taking more pain pills. "Damned if you do...."

Around 1, my folks returned. I ate a sandwich, gave them the morning update, and then decided that I needed another nap. Instead of fighting the constant noises, I made my way upstairs. I think I shocked them, but I can go up stairs taking 1 step at a time (good leg).

After another hour and a half nap, I came back downstairs and was immediately met by Joel... who had A LOT to talk with me about.

First, my truck has been in the shop this week. Well, he had a lot to say about that because they had called. Then he went in to talking with me about his carpel tunnel diagnosis he received today (and is wearing a brace on his wrist). Next, he wanted to talk about football... first it was Texas, and then it was TCU. All of this was in the span of about 10 minutes and right after I had woken up. Even for a person who's not suffering from the surgery side effects, that's a lot to take!

I can always tell when he has a lot on his mind and he's not finished... he'll say something, like "You really should just get a brand new vehicle." Then, he'll pause, and walk away... get about 10 feet... and then turn around with his next sentence. This goes on and on and on... until he's talked out. Given that I can't really escape, well... I'm kinda stuck. Par for the course...

Mom made a great dinner last night - Tilapia, avocado salad, and potatoes au gratin. Plus cobbler dessert. I'm getting treated like a king!

I then just got back on the couch, watched some TV, and went to bed around midnight.

So, what is different/similar this time compared to last time? Well, I have pain... but it's no where NEAR the severity I experienced before. My surgery was on a Wednesday, same as last time. I had to stay in the hospital 2 nights and had a morphine drip on top of the hydrochodone. I would be coming home today if I had the same type of surgery... good gosh!

My pain is just different - it's all on the wound. I can feel it when I move... but it's not too bad. Most of my problems has been the "cloudiness" I feel. I'm also pretty tired... like I've been up about 2 hours, and I'm already for another nap.

Today I had my first shower since Tuesday. Oh how I've missed duct taping a trash bag to my hairy leg. Well, let me clarify.... REMOVING a duct taped bag!

I'm getting out this morning. I'll blog later and tell you what I did... and how I did.

Inspiration Going Into Surgery...

Yesterday, as my Mom and I were making our ways through the hallways to Day Surgery, a door opened up and a man dressed in hospital scrubs came out in front of us. As we walked behind him, immediately it hit me: That's Beck Weathers!

Here I was about to walk into a surgery, and walking in front of me is someone who has not only survived... he endured! It was incredibly inspiring (and shocking!) to walk behind someone who literally was left for dead on Mount Everest... and humbling to know that if he could make it, then I could go make it. Not just for my surgery, but for the experiences I have faced.


Beck Weathers

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Seaborn Beck Weathers (born December 1946) is an American pathologist from Texas. He is best known for his role in the 1996 Everest Disaster that has been the subject of many books and film, most notably Into Thin Air and Everest. During that climb, he was left for dead, exposed to the elements on the South Col, where he suffered severe frost bite. He recovered enough to walk alone and unassisted to nearby Camp IV. He was later helped to walk on frozen feet to a lower camp, where he was the subject of one of the highest-altitude helicopter rescues ever performed. Following his helicopter evacuation from the Western Cwm, Beck had his right arm amputated halfway below the elbow. All four fingers and the thumb on his left hand were removed; his nose was amputated and reconstructed with tissue from his ear and forehead and he lost parts of both feet to his injuries. He continues to practice medicine, and deliver motivational speeches from Dallas.

He has said that his trouble on the mountain began when he was blinded by the effects of high altitude on his eyes that had been altered by radial keratotomy surgery, the effects of altitude upon which was at the time unknown to science. After he admitted his disability to his paid guide, Rob Hall, he waited for Hall to guide him back down the mountain, instead of descending with other guides or clients. Hall was delayed with a client further up the mountain before he could return to Beck's position. This delay caused Beck to become stranded in a late afternoon blizzard, which ended in tragedy for some, and hardship for the entire party. Hall, unable to descend from the higher elevations, perished the following day.

Beck spent a whole night in an open bivouac in a terrible blizzard with both hands and his face exposed. His fellow climbers said that his frozen hand and nose looked and felt as if they were made of porcelain, and they did not expect him to survive. With that assumption, they only tried to make him comfortable until he died, but he survived another freezing night alone in a tent unable to drink, eat, or keep himself covered with the sleeping bags he was provided. His cries for help could not be heard above the blizzard, and his companions were surprised to find him alive and coherent on the following day.

Weathers authored a book about his experience, Left For Dead, which was first published in 2000.

The Day After...

I almost titled this, "Here We Go Again..."

For those that visited me 6 month ago, you may recognize this room/couch/position. This is me... back at my parents... lying on the couch.

I'm still in a bit of a fog... but I figured it's time to try and clear the cobwebs and put my brain to use. Therefore, here goes an "attempt" to bring everyone up to speed.

We left the house about 7:30 AM for the hospital. Passed 2 different wrecks on 75... Joel missed the exit to the hospital... freaked me out numerous times while driving in traffic... Therefore, it should come as no surprise that my blood pressure was 146/94 when they took it.

They put us in a general waiting area for about 30 minutes, then had me come into a semi-private room to get on the gurney. Then the 3 of us plus the guy pushing my gurney went from the 2nd to the 3rd floor to the room where everyone waits in "stalls" for their surgeries. And we waited...

And waited and waited and waited. Surgery was supposed to be at 9:30. They hooked me up to the IV about that time, but I just laid on the gurney for an hour. Joel did his best to stay interested... God Bless Him... but he was ready for the show to get on the road. My Mom was extremely patient... and I think a little nervous.

Me? It was my 2nd time in this rodeo, so I was raring to go! The sooner they sealed me up, the sooner my recovery would start! At least that's what I was thinking...

The anaesthesiologist arrived and said I could wear my contacts - I wanted to see this time, you know? Joel asked her if she was going to give me the "Michael Jackson" drug and she said yes, and then explained that he didn't have an anaesthesiologist with him like I'll have. Ha! She was pretty feisty! She then said she was going to give me a little "Margarita" for my short ride to the O.R. - mmm... tasty. It was just a relaxer and not the big one.

So I said goodbye to the folks, saw my Mom's worried eyes, and off I went. Before I went into the room, the margarita had kicked in. Unfortunately, too much.

One thing I have been adament about during this whole process is, "I want my wires back!" I paid for them, in more ways than one, and I want to see what has been causing me all of this pain for 6 months. Well, Dr. Rutherford, even though I told him multiple times, said he'd forget and to remind him when I was in there. Sure as anything, I didn't see him... and the margarita didn't help... nor did it help when within seconds I was out for good.

I awoke in another room similar to the holding area. However, it was much quieter due to it just having patients, nurses, and doctors. The nurse that was sitting by my side asked my pain level, and I thought it was about a 7. I instinctively felt down towards my leg to see if I could feel the brace, but they had so many dang blankets on me that I couldn't tell.

Every once in a while an alarm would go off on the machine I was hooked up to. Apparently I wasn't breathing right... when you're in pain, you take shallower breaths... so this was telling me to take bigger ones. Let's just say it and the nurse let me know multiple times to do a better job of this.

The pain was pretty rough for a while. They gave me something and that didn't work. She then gave me Demerol and that started to work. I had a headache, too. This would stay with me until I went to bed last night...

A doctor showed up and looked at my leg (not my doctor) and was surprised there wasn't a brace. He asked me what I knew about that, and I told him the 2 different stories from Rutherford and his Physician's Assistant, Jackie. So he got on the phone and called Dr. Rutherford and he confirmed, "No brace." That actually made me feel pretty good...

After I was in there for a while, I asked, "What number gets me out of here?" She said anything below 4... so I said, "OK... I think it's a 3 now." I wasn't really lying... compared to what I've had in the past, this was a 3. :-)

So we said our goodbyes and I was wheeled back down to the 2nd floor and into a Day Surgery room where Mom and Joel were waiting. I asked what Dr. Rutherford said to them, and they said he never showed up. Apparently after a long time waiting and seeing on the screen that I was still in the Recovery Room, Joel got on the phone and talked with Jackie and asked if Rutherford was going to come speak to them. She seemed surprised he hadn't and covered for him (according to Joel) that something must have come up.

Anyway, we had a list of questions and waited in the room while they gave me juice, water, and crackers. I wasn't very happy about all of this... communication is a BIG thing in my book when dealing with people, and for him not to come by just didn't sit well. Plus, I wanted those dang wires! I was told by the nurses that he probably just threw them away. Nice.

After about an hour, I asked, "Is anyone coming to speak with us?" The answer was no... apparently everyone was waiting for me to go pee. Seriously... that's how you exit. If your pain isn't killing you and you can pee, you can go home.

So I got up... with assistance... and had a wobbily walk (on both legs... no crutches but holding onto the nurse) to the restroom. Everything came out swimingly... when I came out, Joel was ecstatic. "Let's go!" Unfortunately, I had taken a pain pill and they said we had to wait another 30 minutes. Ha... Joel wasn't happy.

Wheelchair came, we headed out, and I climbed into the back seat. Oh, remember way back on that Monday after the accident when I was checking into the hospital, there was a nurse that wheeled me around and got me food? She was the one that took me to Joel's car. I told her who I was and that she had done that... she's super nice. She said she remembered me (due to the story).

After another scary ride back to Plano, Joel helped support me while I made my way into the house. My head was not right - the meds were just messing up my balance, vision, etc. I just sat in a chair while Mom went to Walgreens and Sonic.

I ate... took a pill... and then felt nausiated. I fell asleep for about an hour, and awoke feeling about the same I felt prior to sleep. Anyway, that was par for the course... I felt miserable last night. The pain was either coming from the wound, or my head was woozy, or I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. Vastly different situation from my last surgery... not sure why other than I was pretty stationary in that hospital bed last time.

Sleeping wasn't great last night... crazy dreams, sleeping for about an hour or 2... and lots of urination. I have 2 of those hospital "urination jugs" from last time. Well, my kidneys must have kicked in something fierce because I filled up 4 of those last night! They're 32 oz each! I told mom about that this morning, and of course that concerned her. I've continued a few more times this morning, but I think I'm finally drained...

My head is still woozy. It's a weird feeling... like you turn your head and then your brain follows about 2 seconds later. I took an hour and a half nap this morning... until the phone rang. Awesome.

I've taken one pain pill. I'm on a walker... yesterday I was able to walk on both legs fine because the knee was juiced up. Today, not so much. Last time it was more on the bone, but this time it's totally on the skin. In May I had to pause like 30 seconds when I stood up because it was so painful... this time, it's like a few seconds and then I can get moving...

I have another nap calling me this afternoon... and tonight I'm hoping to make it up the stairs so I can sleep in a bed. We'll see...

This was a long one... hope I answered your questions. Shoot me an email - probably won't feel up to talking until tomorrow.

2nd Verse, Same as the First...

Six months ago, on a night VERY much like tonight, I wrote in this blog about how I was feeling the night before my surgery.

If you want a refresher, here it is: Link

Amazingly, some of my thoughts that night are the same heading into surgery numero dos. I want to just walk like a normal person again, and I know it's going to be a journey just to do THAT...

So tonight I'm over at my folks - figured it would be easier to just leave from here rather than rushing around in the morning.

It was an odd day today... I had the time AND ability to actually plan for what I'm about to go through. I did my laundry, I took care of some bills, and I picked up my house (readying it for my return).

One difference this time around is my parents knowledge - remember, last time they didn't know as they were out of the country. Tonight my Mom made dinner (pork roast!), we talked about our questions SHE will be asking the doctor, and Joel made wisecracks... typical night. Ha!

Oh, and for those that know Joel, he has already said that:

Texas is going to destroy Baylor this weekend.
Texas is unstoppable, and their defense is going to kill my Baylor QB.
Baylor shouldn't be in the Big 12.
Texas fans will completely take over the Baylor stadium.
His new proposed conference would have Baylor, TCU, Houston, SMU, Tulane, and Rice.

(Can you see me sitting on the couch stewing? Steam coming out of my ears?)

We watched V (I made them... even though they were totally lost) on their "original" HD TV. OK, if anything happens and there comes a time when my friends and family are deciding what to do with my TV, I make this my last will and testament that no matter what, my parents should get my television. I'm serious! Theirs is so bad - it's square and is full screen, which deforms the people on the screen that you start looking at it cross-eyed! And don't get me started about the sound quality...

Since they went to bed, I have already shaved and showered. Why? Well, creature of habit - that's what I did last time... although last time I was "showering" by washing my hair in Chandra's kitchen sink (with her helping prop me up while I balanced on one leg) and "washing" myself down with baby wipes.

Thank you to those who have reached out to me tonight - calls, emails, texts, etc. It means a lot...

I've already spoken with "Dr. Gasser," and I'll be able to eat/drink until midnight tonight. No personal medications tomorrow, though - my regular meds might cause problems.

Anyway, not much left to do. Time to kick the tires and light the fires... Am I nervous? Anxious? Scared? Hmmm... I'm intent. Focused. Ready to get this over with. Yeah, I'm sure I'll have visions tonight of the surgery tomorrow, but whatever pain I go through shouldn't be nearly as bad as what I've already experienced.

I've been there... done that... and now it's time to get on with the business of gettin' better.

See you on the flip side!

My Doctor Made the List...

I was in the grocery store last night, and decided to go over to the magazine section - figured I needed something to read in the next few days.

Well, I noticed "D Magazine's Top Doctors for 2009" issue was out... and I got curious.

Sure enough, my surgeon is in there... so that's a good sign going into tomorrow. Whew! (That's not his picture by the way...)

Speaking of tomorrow, it's almost 24 hours away. Am I ready? Do I know what to expect? Nervous? All of the above???

Here's what I know...

Tonight the anaesthesiologist will call me around dinnertime to ask me any final questions he has before the surgery. I will not eat or drink anything after 9 PM.

The surgery is scheduled for 9:30 AM at Medical City Dallas. We'll get there between 7:30 and 8:00. At that time, I'll be in a little room in Day Surgery on my gurney dressed in my hospital gown (awesome). I can wear shorts through the surgery, though, so that's good.

Close to 9, they'll wheel me into a larger room. There is a nurses station in the middle, but all of the patients expecting surgery will be in their "stalls." I can still have someone with me at this point. They'll hook up my IV - Dr. Rutherford or his assistant will come get me.

Next, the excitement begins. They'll wheel me into the operating room where I'll see a bunch of "masked" men and women. Last time they told me to think of a place I'd rather be at that exact moment - which I remember briefly thinking of "a beach" and then it was Night-Night City for yours truly.

They'll put a breathing tube down my throat, apply a turnicate to my upper thigh (to slow down the blood flow to the leg), and then start the operation. I've been told it will take about an hour, and then they'll remove the breathing tube.

I'll then be moved to the Recovery Room, which is a large room with a bunch of other patients hooked up to a bunch of machines. They'll start to wake me up, and then ask me a bunch of questions that I should know the answer to (name, age, etc.). They'll also ask me my pain level.

If my pain is 5 or above, they'll start to give me a bunch of meds to bring it down. Last time it took them 2 different doses before it came down from a "high 8." I think they are looking for something in the 4 or below range...

I'll then be moved back to the Day Surgery area (initial little room) where I'll see my parents. During the surgery, they will be in a general waiting room with a bunch of other people waiting for their loved ones. There will be a large screen on the wall with my name on it and a little icon that will communicate where I am in the process. Once I go to recovery, Dr. Rutherford will come speak to my mom to let her know how things went.

If there aren't any complications, or excessive pain, then I can go home. I think it's about 50-50... although the Physician's Assistant told me the other day that most stay overnight. I'm packing an overnight bag just in case.

And that's that... life heading back into normalcy. Hopefully... :-)

It's Not My Time...

Last spring, when I was training for the Half Marathon, I put a lot of different songs on my iPod. Songs that inspired me...

One song that I downloaded was one from 3 Doors Down called, "It's Not My Time." Not only is it a rockin' song, but it meant something to me.

When you make a goal, whether large or small, there is always a temptation to "give up." Now, put yourself in a runner's mind: When you're pushing hard on a long run, it would be easy to either hit STOP on the treadmill or to cut your run short.

This song inspired me to not give up. I remember it fondly when I was running in a crazy windstorm - I didn't stop, quit, or give in to the "sandblasting" I was receiving.

Well, after my accident, I wasn't really in the mood to listen to my running songs. I actually just kept the iPod on my desk. Why bother? All of the songs were for a different purpose.

Once I started back to work, I realized I had my own "mini-marathon" each day. Being on crutches ain't no picnic. Imagine "crutcheting" in the June/July heat of Texas... and having to stop multiple times before reaching your destination (just to catch your breath!). I needed inspiration...

Yep, you guessed it... I pulled out the iPod. My running songs took on a whole new meaning. Now they were helping me cross a street, go up steps, or catch a dinging train!

One day, "It's Not My Time" came on... and the original meaning changed completely. It now hit me that I've been through a lot. A helluva lot! I went from the high of about to run my fastest time at a Half Marathon, to the low of trying to stand a day after the surgery... and struggling just to make my leg move 6 inches.

Some of you saw me struggling with my walker. Those were difficult days. But, it didn't break me. I graduated to crutches, walking without crutches, and eventually without the brace. I've worked hard to increase my movement and "bend," although stairs still are a major burden.

But through it all, I'm making it. I'm not giving up. This isn't going to kill me... it's making me stronger (in more ways than one!)

And this song means a lot to me... it's not my time to give up. It's not my time to quit or sit... I have more to do, more to accomplish, and more to achieve in my life than what this "setback" has done this year.

In two days, my little "helpers" are coming out. I'm interested to see what life will be like post-wire. I believe it will be better... because, if you think about it, it's about to be "MY TIME" to get going on the next stages of my life!

Time to Make the Lemonade...

I received some rather "unexpected news" yesterday that, to be rather blunt, hit me like Mack truck!

I've had, roughly, 6-7 visits to my doctor's office. I've learned to ask a lot of penetrating questions - mainly because I get those from my friends and family when I leave ("Did you ask him...."). And we all know how much I enjoy answering "question-after-question," don't we???

I digressed...

So each time I've done my best to ask the stupidest questions I could come up with...

I met with him last week, and I'll bet I asked "what it will be like after my surgery" about 5 different ways. Well yesterday, I heard a different answer from his PA (Physician's Assistant).

Jackie started the pre-operational work - asking me questions, reviewing the X-Ray, checking my vitals, probing my gut, checking my breathing (sitting up and lying down), etc. During the process, she told me some rather shocking things that were polar opposites of what the doctor had said:

1. I can expect to be in a brace with my leg locked-straight for about 2 weeks. Most patients stay overnight in the hospital after the surgery. He had told me "no brace" and "you'll be going home." She was a little baffled by that, so I'll be bringing an overnight bag just in case. And having the brace on means I might not be able to drive since it'll be locked.

2. This is not going to be an easy recovery. Apparently, I have another 8 "painful" months ahead of me. The reason is that my knee will start to adjust to life without the wires, and that most likely arthritis will set in. When they took 30% of that kneecap off, as well as the blast heard round the world, I lost the "cartilage cushion" that we all enjoy. Given that my quadriceps muscle is down significantly, I'm going to be pretty weak for a while.

3. In about 10 years, I should expect total knee replacement. The reason they didn't do that now is because of my age. And, the knee replacements, as I've been told, last about 20 years...

So I was pretty bummed... yesterday, last night, and today. Well, today it turned from "shock" to "anger." I was pretty pissed, to be quite honest with you. I'm ready to get on with my life... to start exercising... to move without pain.

You see, going into the pre-op appointment yesterday, I was thinking, "Here we go... one more step and I'm THAT much closer to getting my life back." Instead, I was told that I shouldn't expect to be at the gym in December and running a Half Marathon in April. It's not that it was a goal... just in the back of my mind.

Well, I've had enough time to think about it... so it's time to make the lemonade. If that's the worst case scenareo, can I handle it? Can I take the pain? Can I take the weakness... the inability to go up or down stairs... the limping... the leg collapsing on me because of weakness/tiredness?

Have you ever seen that movie, "Remember the Titans?" It's one of my favorites. One of the characters, the star football player, gets paralyzed. While he's in the hospital, he accepts his "lot in life" and discovers there are Olympics for those that are paralyzed. True story. He ends up winning gold medals later in life for the U.S. Of course, he gets killed in a car wreck, too, but that's not the point here...

So that's my plan: Make a plan. If I'm going to have to walk a lot to strengthen everything, then I will walk like a man on a mission. There is a big hill near my house... you better believe I will be walking up and down that hill. I've kept my gym membership... and I have plenty of active friends who I don't think would mind walking with me every now and then.

I'm moving on... drinking my lemonade... and looking forward to what's next over the horizon. I'm done with sitting on the sidelines. Time to get back into the game...