Life is for the Living...

You probably can guess I've always liked Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin reminds me a lot of myself when I was a kid. He has one speed... FAST! And he always seems to be embracing life...

I was watching something tonight and heard a person say, "Life's a bitch... and then you die."

"Really? REALLY??? You're serious???"

Well friends, I do NOT share that attitude.

Things happen that are a bitch... but it doesn't mean you have to give up on your life because of it.

Do you know what it's like to live your life on the sidelines? Well, for the first time in quite a while, I'm doing that. I've been thinking and trying to figure out what God may be trying to teach me through all of this... but believe me, I don't plan on sitting in the cheap seats very much longer!

Normally this time of year, there are a lot of things going on in my life. Travel. Exercise. Working in my yard. Going out with friends to various places around the Metroplex. However, due to a real "bitch of a problem," I'm relegated to observation mode.

I was having a pretty good year before the kneecap was smashed to Kablewie. I had a goal to run a Half Marathon... not just one, but several actually. In addition to the OKC Marathon, I wanted to run the White Rock in December. I was also trying to find one in the fall...

But while those are nice "events," they're helpful in keeping active. You can't just say, "Hey... I'm going to go run a Half Marathon next weekend." You've got to train... challenge yourself... achieve small goals along the way. You start off running 1 mile. When you're good enough, you go up to 2 miles. So on and so forth... it's a fascinating journey when you can watch yourself progress along the way!

Today a VP stopped by my desk and welcomed me back... he's been on vacation. I can pretty much predict the questions people will be asking me... I get the same ones all the time. He asked one that I probably get a few times a week: "Do you think you'll ever run again?"

Do you want to know why people ask me that so much? Well, it's simple. They know of how this happened. Of course, they're associating the "accident" with me actually "running in the marathon." Or, they're asking because they know running meant a lot to me...

Let me say it this way: If I never run again, THAT will be a BITCH!

Once I'm cleared, I plan to live my life again. If you know anything about me, I challenge myself constantly. I push myself. I make goals. I live life!

One goal is to run again. Yes, that may be shocking to some of you. Or you may be rolling your eyes or thinking, "I better tell him to take it easy." Well, I'm tired of hearing people telling me to take it easy. Remember... I'm Calvin! I'm also pretty dang headstrong...

So while that may be a goal, I still have to achieve that. It's my own mini-marathon. I have to stop limping before I can start walking normally. I also have to have another surgery before I can run again... so as you can see, it's a LONG ways off. But I will do it... I will run again. Someday. That's a goal to keep me going these days...

But being on the bench, I've come up with several observations. I have some opinions... if you are someone that has been on the bench yet you have no reason to be there, I have something to say to you. Or, if you just want to hear me wax poetic, then get ready... listen up!

To me, everyone should travel... experience different places, different cultures, different foods, and different people. Get out of your comfort zones and experience the vastness of this planet! Do you really want to be lying on your death bed and think, "Wow... I'm so glad I never went anywhere!" I wish I could travel right now... if you can and you're not, then what is holding you back? I've got a good excuse... what is yours?

To me, everyone should quit complaining... are you tired of your job? Your weight? Your hair? Your clothes? Your house? Your car? Your situation in life? Well, DO something about it! Make changes, make adjustments, or make compromises... but whatever you do, just do something about it and shut the frak up! You don't have to be satisfied with your lot in life. Don't give up... get in the game and push forward!

To me, everyone should slow down... Do you have any idea how slow I go these days? I mosey along with my crutches. I see things that I never did before. A rolly polly crossing the sidewalk. Flowers in flowerbeds. Bees... when was the last time you noticed a bee? People rushing by me talking on their cell phones. I have people that cut in front of me while I'm waiting for the automatic "handicap" door to open. Why? What is so important that you can't slow down and see what "life" is happening around you?

To me, everyone should be kind to someone... you never know what they're going through! People look at me differently then before. I have doors that are opened for me, things that are brought to me, and people generally check in to see if there is anything I need. What if everyone acted this way when we DON'T have afflictions and pains? Have you cussed someone, flipped them off, yelled at a stranger in your car, etc? Well, maybe they have something going on in their world that is causing them to be distracted enough to disturb yours... just think about that.

So I hope you ponder some of these things. I've learned a lot while sitting on life's bleachers. But pretty soon, I'm going to be getting ready to stand up... to stretch... to warm up... and then I'm getting back in the game!

Life is for the living... so either get busy living or get busy dying! From someone who is aching to "live" again, don't dissappoint me!

Tuesdays With Morrie...

A few years ago, a friend of mine gave me a copy of "Tuesdays with Morrie." Have you seen it? Well, I can say that I've seen it... as of tonight.

During the summer, there's not a lot on TV. Lately I've been using my Netflix membership to watch shows and movies. If you're not a member, I highly recommend it... your first 2 weeks are free!

However, tonight I had literally nothing to watch. I had blown through my DVR, and I didn't have anything from Netflix.

Then I remembered... "Tuesdays with Morrie." I went over to my dvds and popped it in.

Morrie is a dying man. He has ALS, but still has "life" within him. Mitch, a successful former student, catches up with him. They do all of this on "Tuesdays" because that was the day Morrie would hold office hours.

What struck me at first was Morrie's diminished physical condition, and how he had to rely upon others to do the simplest of tasks. It really brought back the memories.

I relied on so many people throughout my "recovery." Watching Morrie, I guess we shared that in common...

I guess it started for me in Oklahoma City. One minute, I'm running to the starting line... the next, I'm on the pavement with a deflated knee. Everything changed in that moment...

Throughout my "ordeal," I relied on so many people. I couldn't stand on my own two feet. I needed the paramedics to hold me up as they were loading me onto the gurney.

As much as I wanted to be on my own, I couldn't... I needed help.

One thing I watched tonight was Morrie... and the people that visited him. They looked at him different. His relationships with them had changed - he was being "seen" differently from those around him. That was a big change... and it reminded me of the change I have recently experienced.

Relying on others is a very odd thing... people that looked at you when you were talking with them "out of concern" is an amazing occurrence. You don't want to think that your friendship has changed... or that they think less of you. It's just different.

"Hey, can you pick up my leg for me... it won't budge." And they do it... without effort... or funny faces. You see sympathy... not pity... and that's a good thing. I've been amazed at the lack of jokes. I really thought I'd be the recipient of them. Most people just want to help... and really see the pain (maybe experience some of it) that I've gone through.

So tonight, watching that movie, made me reflect on some of what I've experienced. I hope I've shared this... at least conveyed my appreciation... but if not, here are some of my thoughts...

I lived with Chandra for several days, which I know was a big inconvenience to her. She was amazing... getting me food and water (even when I wasn't requesting it... she just knew), driving me around, picking up my meds, and even helping me lift my leg - which was a huge "need" when you don't have a kneecap. She even adjusted her AC for me - which allowed me to live in comfort while she was covered up in blankets! I remember washing my hair while "standing" at her kitchen sink... even though I hadn't asked her, she stood behind me in case I fell.

I remember the nurses in the hospital... my gosh are they underpaid! They are the backbone of any hospital, and you can write that in 3 inch letters! They helped me beyond belief while I was in that hospital bed. I remember my first "physical therapy" session when I was told to get out of the bed... I couldn't believe the amount of pain I had in the leg as it just moved from "bed to floor." The therapist strapped a belt around me to hold onto my body as we attempted to move... man... it was incredible. I don't think I've ever experienced the amount of pain like I did that first day.

I remember coming home from the hospital. It was such an adjustment, and how hard it was just to move... as in getting up, sitting down, moving with the walker, etc. I needed help on so many occasions. My Mom was my chief helper... lifting the leg, getting me things, serving me, etc. Joel would fill in when she wasn't around. All in all, I never had all of this attention. It was a very humbling experience.

Melissa... you have been an amazing friend to me throughout the 12 years that we've known each other. You were there before the surgery, after the surgery (hospital), and made several visits to see how I was doing. Today I saw the box of the shower seat you bought for me. Little did I know when you brought that to me in the hospital how vital that would be for my recovery... thank you for that and your friendship!

Laura is another friend I'm thinking about... of course you were there when the accident happened. But you showed up and stayed with me in the hospital after my surgery, were there when I got out, and bought the walker that became another appendage to me. I don't know what else I can say other than "Thank You." Your friendship is amazing to me, and I was so happy to walk through the doors yesterday (without my crutches) to the Flying Saucer so you could see my progress.

So tonight, watching this movie, it reminded me of what I've been through... and how far I've progressed. I hope that I can remember the lessons Morrie taught Mitch. Maybe I have already... through the actions of others.

I am truly blessed to have people who care enough to do demonstrate "love" in the littlest things...

I hope each of you can experience that... either through demonstration or reception.

A Weird Week...

This has been a very strange week...

On Monday, Dr. Rutherford gave me a bit of news (read below) and adjusted my brace.

On Tuesday, I was experiencing a lot of problems. It was extremely difficult to adjust to the added movement. There really is a point of "stoppage" where my knee can't move without pain. So, with this added movement, it hits that point and it hurts a lot.

It's like a door... the hinge on that door allows for a certain amount of movement. However, when you push it further then that hinge allows, it is difficult to move it. That's somewhat what I'm experiencing.

My doctor also has asked me to move around more on my "own" without the assistance of the crutches. I've been very careful... believe you me... I don't want to cause any complications on this recovery. However, given the added movement and the extra weight, I've had multiple times where I've had to catch myself due to my knee buckling.

It's just a very strange feeling. Normally I'm walking along... and then "whoosh" I lose control. So far, I've been able to adjust and not fall... but it's scary!

Last night was a big moment... I went to bed without the brace. My thought is that if in 5 weeks I'm going to be living without this brace for 24 hours a day, why not get rid of the added heat during the night?

One thing I am nervous about is the "movement" that occurs during the night. Have you ever thought about how much you move while you sleep? Imagine if you've got wires in your knee... or, more specifically, a kneecap that is in 2 pieces that is trying to heal

I made sure my bedding is very tight at the foot... otherwise, I could move around a lot. However, I think I knew about this all night long... I actually dreamed about it. A friend of mine said that I probably move less than I did 2 months ago.

That's probably a correct statement. Remember, I went from sleeping on my back with my knee elevated on a couch for a month... to now I'm in a bed and able to roll over onto my stomach.

So we shall see... crazy times. It's nice right now NOT to not have to deal with the brace during the hot summer nights... I just hope it continues to improve.

Stay tuned...

The Doctor was Right...

So yesterday my doctor said that opening this brace up even more would cause a lot of pain... along with the movement without the crutches.

"Hello Dr. Pain!!!"

Yesterday, as you saw, I attempted a few moments without the crutches. In addition to the mailbox visit, I also put out my trash... and I had to make a lot of trips. I then did a few things around the backyard, and noticed in the early evening that the knee wasn't feeling "so great."

Throughout the night, I kept waking up with pain. In my sleep-induced state, I thought, "Am I sleeping on it wrong? What the hey???"

This morning it was throbbing like a mutha...

It feels like I came down on it hard... at least, like it would if I were a normal person because "I ain't doin' nuthin to put this knee in danger!"

Therefore, I'm home today working from this couch. I've taken some Tylenol, but that doesn't appear to be doing the trick. Hoping not to have to take a Hydrochodone.

So how exactly does my added movement translate in everyday terms? For 4 weeks, I had ZERO degrees of movement. My leg was in this brace and was completely locked. Then 3 weeks ago, they opened it up to 60 degrees of movement. Think about that: We all know what a 90 degree angle looks like... so I had just less than that. Now, I have that 90 degree angle... it's just amazing to me what an 30 degrees can do to the body!

I guess it's not just the added flexibility... but the added weight. So my leg is taking on 2 changes at once. Therefore, I need to take it easy...

Tomorrow I'm going back into the office, but I'm going to be on my crutches for a big portion of that time. I don't want to go through another day what I'm feeling today...

I Found IT!!!

So, let's say you're a person who broke their patella... and when you describe it to people that there was a big dent in your knee, they basically go, "Oh... OK." Like, "You were in shock."

Well, I finally found a picture of what it looked like at the time... see above and take it all in. That's basically what I looked like while lying on that street. However, I didn't have a grimace like that. I really didn't feel any pain... the pain came much later, like after the surgery 3 days after the dent!

So today I had my 3rd visit to my doctor since the surgery... 4th overall.

After the X-Ray, Dr. Rutherford came in and said everything was looking good from the inside. Looking at the outside, he felt around and got really excited - "Hey, you feel that? There's a wire right there!"

Maybe I've mentioned it before, but there is a noticeable wire protruding from my knee... the middle part. However, he wasn't touching that... he was feeling around the top near the quadriceps. I had felt that before, but never knew the "hardness" was an actual wire.

So basically I have two spots you can really feel the wires. He showed me on the X-Ray what was happening... honestly, it's an odd feeling. Bones are kind of soft... mushy... but these things are just odd. You can definitely tell they are foreign parts in your body!

Next, Dr. Rutherford told me to lie on my back. He then grabbed my leg and started moving it in ways I haven't moved it in weeks! He pushed my knee towards my head... once I emitted a screech, he stopped. "OK... looks like you can take an adjustment on your brace." He then ordered his assistant to let it out to 90 degrees...

"I want you to wean yourself off of the crutches." I was stunned. "Huh?" He said now that I'm up to 90, he wants me to put more weight on the leg. I told him I move around my house without the crutches, but I'm not up for being without them when I go outside. His advice: "Baby steps." Try a little bit more each day... if it hurts, lean more on the crutches. Doing more on my own and less on the crutches will build up deteriorated muscles in my left leg.

Then, he said this: "When you come to see me next time (July 27), I believe you'll be walking out of here without your brace on."

Pause... take a minute... do you have any idea how much that meant to me? How much it shocked me? I had been told that this brace would be on my leg until September... to have it off before August is just astounding to me! I hate it... it SUCKS having this on every day during the "Dallas" summer... but it's necessary. And to think that in 5 weeks I can be rid of this "thing" is freaking amazing!

Finally, the big news... "surgery." He said that he is thinking my surgery will be 6 months from when I had the original surgery. That would be October 29. Given I have a big trip to San Diego for Thanksgiving, I'm really going to explore that on my next visit.

I'm one of those people that doesn't think of all of the questions until afterwards... so I want to ask him what exactly will my "recovery" be like after that procedure. I wouldn't mind waiting until December... even January... if I knew I would NOT be going through what I recently went through!

When I got home from the visit, I attempted my first "walking outside without crutches" moment. I went to the mailbox... which was weird! Not only did I not have my crutches, but my leg had all kinds of movement now that it's up to 90 from 60.

He told me this week it would be pretty sore... it's getting extra degrees which causes me to use muscles that haven't been "awakened" in a while. I could definitely tell the difference tonight... I've had a few moments where it felt like it was "buckling," but I caught myself... and it hurts. It hurts like hell, actually.

So there you go... my latest visit. I hope I didn't freak you out with the picture above, but it's the most accurate one I've found. I think my friends who were there for me would say, "OH MY GOSH.. THAT'S IT!!!

Then they'd revisit what they were doing... gagging!

Accidents...

Have you ever heard of the saying, "Most accidents happen around your house?" Well let me tell you... that is VERY true!

Since being on the "limited mobility" track these past few weeks, I've come very close to having some potential "Sweet Merciful Crap" mistakes!

Two weeks ago, I was lying on this couch watching TV. It was one of those moments where I hadn't expected to move, so I unwrapped the leg completely - brace and ACE bandage. You have no idea how good that feels...

Well, the phone rang... and it wasn't next to me.

I must confess, there have been a few times ("VERY FEW" for you lecture mongers!) that I have maneuvered around this house without anything on the leg. But, I went very slowly and I was on the walker... just kind of dragged the bum leg along.

OK, so the phone rang. I figured, "Alrighty... I think I can make it to the phone back in the kitchen." As I started to get off the couch, I picked up the leg to bring it carefully down. Unfortunately, I didn't have a good grip on it and it slipped out of my hand. "BAM!" it crashed to the floor.

A pain that I can only describe as, "Oh Mommy!!!" ran up my leg and started the synapses going at such a rate that I screamed bloody murder! Brutha, you ain't felt a pain like that until you experience something like I did. I thought I ripped my wires loose... or snapped them. Did the broken kneecap just separate?

The leg wasn't ready to go at that angle, nor at that speed, and especially not at that impact! It took me about 1o minutes of sheer agonizing "sweating and painful breathing" before I could regain my composure... And the phone call? It was a Gallup poll. UUGH!

Lesson Learned: DO NOT GET UP OFF THIS COUCH WITHOUT THE LEG SECURED! And... LET THE PHONE RING! YOU HAVE VOICEMAIL FOR A REASON YOU DOPE!

Another recent incident happened as I was getting out of the shower. Prior to the accident, my bathroom had a few rugs sitting along the linoleum floor. Well, once I started showering with the trash bag-covered brace, and moving around with the walker in there, they went away and we covered the floor with towels. It just made it easier.

In an attempt to get back to normal, I brought back the rugs a few weeks ago. So far, no problems. I was off the walker in there, and I was doing fine without the towels. Plus, I'm showering without the trash bags...

Well, last week we had a problem. As I was coming out of the shower, I stepped onto a gap between two rugs and my right leg (good one) slipped. It almost went out from under me! I don't know how I did it, but my inner "balance" kicked in and I caught myself. Could you imagine the damage I would have done had I fallen?

Lesson Learned: PUT TOWELS DOWN ON THE FLOOR BETWEEN THE RUGS YOU NINNY!

Well, this whole blog came about because of what happened tonight as I was coming home from work. Remember, my stamina is downright nothing... my tank is empty most of the day as it is, but add in the physical exertions of going to and from work, and I'm literally running on fumes by the end of the day.

My routine is this: I go into work on Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays. My goal is to put meetings on those days, if at all possible. The DART train station is about a 15 minute drive from my house. However, it takes me about 15-20 minutes to walk from my truck to the train once I'm parked (my doctor won't give me a handicapped pass). Once I'm on the train, I usually sit in the handicapped seat (as long as the "I'm-physically-fit-boneheads" aren't sitting in it - which has happened twice and they won't move!). 25 Minutes later, I'm at my stop downtown and I take a 15+ minute sweating-stroll to the office. When the day is over, usually around 3:30, I reverse the process...

So I'm tired... and not thinking clearly... which I guess is what happened today. Once I got to my house, I hopped out of my truck. Not thinking clearly (I've covered that, right???), I came down first on my left foot... the bad one... the one that has wires in the knee and is still swollen and bruised! "Mother Puss Bucket!" and some other choice words came out of my mouth, along with some small screams at possibly a tone the local dogs could only hear. If you haven't gathered, it hurt like a mutha...!!!

Lesson Learned: DO NOT EXIT TRUCK WITH BAD LEG FIRST... YOU DUMBASS!!!!

So I've had a few accidents, some close calls, and plenty of lessons learned. But honestly... haven't we all? Isn't that what life is all about? We laugh and cry and experience the pitfalls... but hopefully we learn from our mistakes and make better choices in the future...

Like, "Hey... that barrier is there for a reason. Don't jump it!" :-)

It's Not That Bad...

Well, for those that have had a morbid curiosity, there is the knee... unwrapped... in all its glory.

For those that have a weak constitution, you might as well load up another web page and surf this blog another day...

I decided to post a picture of the scar. Why? Well, for one, I'm tired of people asking me about it... or the knee... or anything else about it but DON'T want to see it. Why ask if you don't want to see it? I have to see it everyday... so why not join the party?

Another reason I figured everyone could take it is because my two nephews handled it quite well this week. In fact, they were pretty impressed by it! Although, I think the youngest believes that scar happened when I hit the curb... not due to the surgery to fix the kneecap. Oh well... maybe he'll stay away from curbs!

So, let me explain a few things about it.

First, it's a long scar. Notice how far up it begins from the top of the knee? That's basically because my upper kneecap was located right there. If you think that's gross, then you should have witnessed it in person. If you think THAT'S gross, then you should have been the one whose kneecap was sitting north of where it should be!

As I've told people, the scar is very straight until it gets to where the kneecap needed to be joined. Then it gets a little hairy - there are a few "zig-zags."

The whole knee is still fairly swollen and sore in some places. There is still nerve damage on certain spots, and I have that one area where I can see a definite wire protruding upward (it's on the left side at the top of the knee).

Finally, there is some scabbing. My nephews thought that was "infection," but my Mom explained that it is a good thing. That scab is about half of what it was a week ago, so hopefully it'll be gone soon.

Overall, it's extremely weak. Notice how skinny my legs are. Want to know something about atrophy? It hurts! Muscles that are diminishing tend to ache.

I'm moving around a little bit better each week, though. My mom asked me yesterday what my pain level was, and I told her it depends. On days I go into work, it's very sore that night and the next day. Probably about a 5 if you want to know the real truth.

Yesterday I was on it a bit too much... and given that I went into work on Friday, I had it elevated and iced last night... and before I went to bed, I succumbed to a Hydrochodone pill. That was very unusual, but I figured it was the only thing I could do to get rid of the pain so I could sleep.

Today, I've stayed mostly on this couch. Not a bad trade-off when it's approaching 100 degrees outside!

Anyway, that's a brief update. It's getting better, as you can see, and I'm still moving around... it's all about Independence, and I'm thankful for that!

Weather Damage

While I thought I had a lot of damage from last week's storm (patio table blew up!), my parents had an even worse experience. That is a picture taken by a Dallas Morning News photographer of a tree sitting on their house. The tree is now gone - took a crew of 8 just over 7 hours to cut it down and grind it up on Saturday. My Mom expressed, "What else are we going to be faced with this year?" In the past few months she's been in a car wreck, dealt with both of her siblings health issues, and then there's my little fun experience.

Here is the article:

Wind sends red oak crashing into Plano home

3:52 PM Thu, Jun 11, 2009 Valerie Wigglesworth/Reporter

Joel and Sue Riley were home in Plano with their grandchildren Wednesday night when they heard a big crash. "We looked out the front door and couldn't see anything but tree limbs," Sue Riley said. "It looks like someone just took a front-end loader and shoved over our tree."The 30-year-old red oak landed on the two-story house on Edgewater Drive, which is east of Custer Road. Riley said water leaks into the upstairs bedroom, the siding is torn off and gutters are hanging down. But they won't be able to do much until they can get the tree removed and see how much damage their house sustained. "That was quite a wind," Riley said.

Back from the Wedding...

What a weekend...!!!

While I was in Stillwater, I was asked, "So... any big trips planned this summer?" Hmm... have you looked at me???

This was my "trip" for the summer. My own personal vacation. Therefore, I was really excited to go away to this wedding!

Because I'm not comfortable driving long distances (still painful when I'm in the driver's seat for more than 30 minutes), I needed my very own personal chauffeur... AKA Chandra. We left Friday morning, and headed north to the land of the slow moving water.

Along the way, I sat in a "quiet/panic-like state" next to the world's most aggressive driver! To describe Chandra's driving as "freakishly crazy" is an understatement. I have never driven a long distance with her in the 12+ years we've known each other, so this was a whole new side of her that I witnessed from the "white-knuckled clenched" passenger seat!

Throughout the blinding speeds that approached "Warp 9" at times, I was usually able to discern the features from the driver in front of us due to our proximity to their back bumper. I think I realized that driving on the highway to Chandra was just a slower version of "NASCAR."

Chandra likes to multi-task while in the car - which allows her to drink, talk, email, text, and do her taxes - all while driving with her knees. I'm serious! Sweet Merciful Crap - I have the soiled undergarments to prove it! She still doesn't understand why that one driver flipped her off or when we almost careened with a semi! She even did the "mom move" with her arm on one occasion!

OK... so sorry Chandra... you know you're one of my best friends, but good gravy did I have to get that off my chest! Now, back to the wedding...

Laura is one of my dearest friends. We met at a church almost ten years ago, and have always held a close bond. She's been there for me through thick and thin, has one of the most amazing hearts, and is one of the few people who actually "gets" me.

I've known Britt since 1995 when we met as counselors at Pine Cove Christian Camp, and have been friends ever since. He's very rock-solid, is the same today as he was back then, and always is there for his friends.

Now while you may think that my sole purpose was to introduce these two for romance, I must say I had other intentions. Basically, I figured that they're both my friends, so I just want my friends to know each other. Makes it easier on me when everyone knows each other and gets along. God sure had other plans!

The wedding was great! It occurred on the OSU campus - including the rehearsal dinner, ceremony, and reception.

The bride is a MAJOR Oklahoma State University fan (alumnus), and the groom is about to finish up his degree from there (starting yesterday). So, there was a lot of Orange (school colors) involved throughout the event. The bride had an orange belt/sash on her dress, the bridesmaids had orange on their dresses, and the groom/best man had orange ties. Lots and lots of school spirit!

But the biggest surprise was when Pistol Pete (picture above) showed up at the reception! Laura arranged for the mascot to come in for pictures - and he even fired off his guns!

Chandra loved it - she probably took more pics with Pete than anyone else in the room! Kids were drawn to him, and the alumni in the crowd chanted the school letters.... "Oooo... Ssss... Uuuuuuuuuuu!"

So overall, I had a blast! I was so happy for the couple to get on with their lives (and stop the long-distance relationship!), to actually "travel" somewhere this summer, and to spend good times with my friends.

Albeit, a "speedy" one. :-)

Scar-tastic...

A benefit of showering without the brace? The medical tape/bandages have lost their adhesiveness.

Last night, I opened up the brace to let the knee breathe. Once I did that, I realized the bandages might be coming off.

After a few tense moments of removal, they finally came off. Would you like to know the details?

First off, the scar is 5-6 inches in length. Above the knee, it is very straight and somewhat thin. There is no "scabbing," either.

However, once it makes that turn downward, things start to change.

The scar gets a bit jagged and uneven, and there are some considerable scabs. The width of the scar expands, and you can tell there is more healing needed.

But to me, the most interesting aspect is the texture and shape of it all.

Immediately where the kneecap resides, you can see "pitting." There are some dents where the skin is trying to come together. It's a bumpy mess.

Remember how I'm not allowed to do any Physical Therapy? Well, I have visual evidence of why I shouldn't attempt that: There is a definite sharp rise on the left side of the top of my knee... it appears to be a wire that is pushing upward.

Yikes!

Anyway, all is well... it hurts, but it's manageable. My pain is a mixture of throbbing bones and muscles... but overall, no complaints. You just learn to deal with it.

By the way, I'm off to Stillwater, OK, for a wedding between two good friends this weekend. It will be my first "travel" experience since the accident - I was able to arrange for a handicapped room, so that should be fine.

I am wondering what I'll be thinking as I drive through Oklahoma City, though...

WAY Too Much...

Yesterday was a big day for me... it was my second day to go into the office.

As most of you know, I've been "working from home" since last week. It's been a bit of an adjustment... just getting myself back into the groove of things.

When you're out of the office for a month, it's a challenge on a multitude of fronts. Specifically, wrapping your brain around what you have missed. I've also had major stamina issues...

To answer the question, "Why don't you just work from home all of the time," my job requires at times for me to be "seen." Yesterday was one of those days.

My day started with a first: A shower without the brace on. Believe me, it was awesome! So long duct tape and trash bags! However, I had to be extra careful because I'm without the stability of the brace and I definitely didn't want to slip... could you even imagine the damage that would cause?

So I was able to successfully maneuver in and out of the shower - still using the shower chair, though. I don't see that going away for quite some time. But just to get to fully wash the bad leg was incredible. I think my shower was extra long yesterday...

After slowly getting dressed and reapplying the brace, I was ready to leave. Yesterday was also the first big driving day for me. While my doctor has cleared me to drive, it's an "eye opener" when you get behind the wheel again. Not only is it awkward climbing up behind the wheel, but you just feel "weird" going down the road. I decided I would only drive halfway to work - ride in with Kevin/Becky.

After 5 minutes on the road, I was already feeling a lot of pain. Your butt typically sinks into the seat causing your leg to rise up to the knee... and then there is the bend. That "bend" is what hurt like a mutha. Thirty minutes later, I was thankfully at their house... and sprawled across the backseat!

The morning wasn't too bad at work - I had a few things to do, but most of the time was spent talking with people who stopped by.

Kevin, Rob, and I went to Snuffer's for lunch... man do they make a good burger! It hit the spot, and they were nice to help me into and out of the car. Unfortunately, leaving the restaurant, I came down badly on my knee. Steps are still very hard for me... going up is fine. You can probably guess how difficult going down would be.

At 1, I was in the conference room... the purpose of my entire day. Every 6 weeks, I hold a meeting with about 50 people to go over our upcoming software release. Usually it's me standing up front going through the application. I knew this was going to be tough... especially on crutches.

Pretty much everyone and their mother's brother knows what happened to me... so I didn't have to go through the nitty-gritty details. But I did explain that the meeting would be a little different: First, I would be standing at times, and then sitting. It is still uncomfortable to do either for a period of time. I also informed them that I wasn't doing this alone - that I had arranged for several guest speakers. This was a bonus as it allowed me to relax.

The meeting went off without a hitch - although it was pointed out to me that I was sweating a few times. Given that is somewhat normal if you know me, it was also due to some painful throbbing!

I had another meeting in the afternoon, but generally sat at my desk and did some of my normal duties. Our release is this Friday, and I will be off that day (going out of town for a wedding). However, I basically just wanted to go home. I was starting to be miserable around 3:00.

Just after 5, we began our departure from the office. I was done. Spent. Get me the heck out of Dodge! When we got back to Kevin/Becky's, I was so tired and sore... but I still had a 30 minute drive by myself to go through. Yay...

Before I left, I adjusted the seat... placed another floormat in the front for my leg to be a little higher... and sat on a pillow (nice visual, eh?). It was a better experience, but it still hurt like hell and I just wanted to get home. Even though my truck is on Empty, I didn't care... get me to my couch!

So last night I just layed on this couch. I was so tired... and by 9:00, I was heading to bed. It's hard to describe the exhaustion, but it's like I had most of my blood drained out of me and I just had no comprehension of what was going on around me. I really don't remember what I watched on TV.

I slept all night long... and this morning, I needed about another half-day of sleep! But I got up and got moving and here I am again on this couch. I'm still wiped out... but coming back from the fog.

I've talked with Rob (boss) and I'm going to try and have more flexibility going forward when I go into the office. Basically, I'm going to try and schedule my meetings in the mornings and leave work when I start "feeling it" like I did yesterday. I'll just come home and work from right here on the couch.

A friend told me that for every day you're out of the office, it takes 2 to recover. Sometimes 3. If that's true, I have a long time before I can get my stamina back...

A Few Steps Forward... One Step Back

Yesterday was my second follow-up visit to see my doctor... and it was 4 1/2 weeks since my surgery.

Time for a pin to come out of the brace!

NOTE: OK, I want to make sure we're all on the same page here - when I say "remove a pin from my brace," I mean the brace... not my leg. There are no pins going from the brace into my knee. I do have a pin in my knee, but it's all sealed up in there. Nothing is attached to the brace.

When we arrived, the first thing was to get another X-Ray of the knee. Nothing has changed, so I don't need to display another picture of the X-Ray.

Doctor Rutherford then came in and examined the picture and said everything looks good. Whew! He then removed the brace, and started moving my leg around... or, specifically, my knee.

He then gave me the news: "We're going to move you up to 60 degrees of movement." Two weeks ago, he indicated it would just be 45 degrees. Wow! I guess things are healing up pretty good.

Then the news just seemed to get better. "I'm also going to clear you to start driving." I almost fell off the table! Are you kidding me? I can have some of my independence back? Holy Freaking Moly!

"Are you still showering with the brace on?" he asked.

"Yep," I quickly replied.

"OK, well you can start to shower without it. That should make things easier. Just don't bend that knee when you're in there, and put the brace back on as soon as you're out."

Wow! I was stunned! Remember, I was told on the 2nd day by his Physician's Assistant that this brace would be my "friend" until September... that I'd never remove it. Now I'm getting to remove it for showers! You have no idea how much easier things are going to be.

He did make sure I understood that I'm not standing on it when I'm showering - I still need to sit on the shower chair.

Then I asked a few questions of my own. He informed me that I won't be going through any Physical Therapy due to the severity of the injury. He said, "Think about it - that kneecap needs to be stable to heal and become solid. If you're moving it, you're causing it to weaken."

He thinks my leg will strengthen the more I walk around - which he wants me to do as much as I can take (using crutches or the walker).

I asked about the nerve damage, and if I'll ever have feeling on the top of my knee again. He said maybe, and maybe not. When he made the cut, he cut across a good amount of nerves. They may never heal back to the way they were. Oh well...

I finally asked him how far apart were the two pieces of my kneecap. He said, "About 2 inches. But, when you bent your knee they went further apart." Yikes!

They then got down to business with adjusting my knee brace. After removing the pins (one on each side) from the hinges, they broke the sides of the brace to allow flexibility. Finally, they cut off about 6 inches from the top of the brace. So while I previously had 3 Velcro straps on the top, and 3 on the bottom... I now just have 2 on the top.

The result is that this brace now fits more like a bulky sock... instead of a peg leg! Overall, it feels nice... comfortable... it doesn't bother me as much as it did. However, there is a downside.

With the added flexibility, it's caused a lot of pain. 60 degrees of movement is a huge jump from zero degrees. It will bend as I'm moving and hit a point that just screams with pain! Typically, if I'm walking about 10 feet, I'll hit at least one step that causes me to almost buckle over with a jolt of pain. Not fun.

I'm assuming this is to be expected. However, I've had a lot of "ache" and "pain" today... and throbbing numbness. Lots of that! So... I've started taking the hydrochodone again. The Tylenol just wasn't doing the trick. Hopefully this won't last long...

Tomorrow I get behind the wheel - just going to drive halfway to work so I don't overdo it. I've taken one spin around the block, and it wasn't too bad. A little tension on the knee... but I could get in and out of my truck - and that was great.

So while I've made some strides, having to go back on the pain meds due to the problems hasn't been very fun. I think this is a temporary setback... stay tuned.

Ode To a Hermit...

Irony hit me like a Mack Truck this weekend... especially after writing the previous blog!

I have lived in my house since 2001. I have basically 3 neighbors: The two on both sides of my house, and the one directly behind my garage. I'm not very "social" with my neighbors... in fact, I rarely say anything to anyone around here.

This is NOT Mr. Robinson's neighborhood...

The house that is behind me has had 3 separate owners since I've lived here. The two on the sides have always had the same. In fact, there is only one neighbor that I have had conversations with, and that guy owes me $1,000 for his portion of the fence... which was built three years ago. Yeah, good luck getting him to pay!

On the other side, a couple resides there with their triplets and teenage daughter. I've never said anything to them, other than "Hey" or just a nice friendly wave.

On Saturday, I hobbled out to the mailbox to pickup my mail. It's a big deal, actually, because it's pretty much an effort any way you slice it.

As I was heading back, that couple pulled up and the kids unloaded. They had been to a soccer game. While everyone was heading into the house, the wife saw me and asked, "How are you doing?"

I said, "Oh, pretty good. I really did a number on my knee."

She replied, "Yeah, I heard. I'm so sorry to hear about that." I figured she must have run into my parents on one of their visits. She then said, "If you need anything, we're just right here. You can ask us for anything."

I said, "Oh, I appreciate that. Thanks." Right then, I decided to remove my "cloak of hermitude" and introduce myself. "I'm Regan, by the way."

She replied, "I know." She then paused and looked at me... and then said while pointing to herself, "It's Petra."

I stared at her for a second and then thought, "Why is Petra at my neighbor's house?" And then it hit me...

"Oh my gosh! Petra??? YOU live there?"

By then her husband was laughing in the background, and she was too. You see, I work with Petra! She is a manager in my office, is one of my User Liaisons between IT and the business, and serves on the same committee that I'm on!

I told her that I thought when she said she had heard, it was from my folks. She said it was at the office and that "Everyone knows."

While Prudential is a big company, our office is about 130+ people. What are the odds that two employees of the same company live next door to each other... especially given the population of the Metroplex!

She found out last December when she received my mail, but her husband delivered it to me. When he arrived, I was on the phone so we never discussed the connection. She then told me that she thought I always knew it was her - "You're always waving to us!"

I think we both walked away a little bit shocked at how small of a world it really is... and maybe I'll be a better neighbor for it all.

It truly blew me away...