Cast Away...

One of the movies that I like to watch is "Cast Away." It's one of those that if it's on and nothing else is of interest to me, then I tune in.

What has always been intriguing to me is the power of the human spirit, and the ability to adapt to your environment/experience! Tom Hanks plays a character, Chuck Noland, that is living on an island devoid of everything we take for granted... and must make the best of it.

Sound familiar?

I gotta be honest... there have been times I've watched that movie wondering "what if" - as in, "What if that was me?" in an excited tone! Given my ability to "hermit away" from the world at times, I have sometimes taken the position of, "Wow... that might be pretty cool."

Hmm... my how times have changed...

Last Saturday, my parents dropped me off at my house. As you probably gathered, I was excited beyond belief! I wanted to move home and get my life going again - to me, it's just another step in the healing process.

However, one thing I didn't imagine is the lack of human contact... and how that would impact me. From Saturday until Wednesday, I never left this house. In fact, I never saw anyone until my Mom walked in the door around 2:00 PM on Wednesday.

I was going stir crazy! Seriously... have you ever been by yourself for that amount of time? I've gone a day or 2 by myself... but never 4 days!

Remember... I can't drive, so I'm pretty much stuck here until someone comes and gets me. I spent my time laying on the couch watching TV/DVDs/recorded shows, reading, finding something to do in the back yard, or sleeping.

I was VERY bored.

By Wednesday I had decided that I had had enough... I would return to the office on Friday, leg and all. Even though the brace is still straight, I figured I'd better make a go of it - especially given that I wouldn't be able to go back until Wednesday if I didn't go on Friday.

What an experience...

First of all, I became immediately aware and very focused on all of the handicap assistant aids located around the building when Joel dropped me off. You have no idea how beneficial a ramp or an automatic door is for someone on crutches.

Secondly, I'm very appreciative of those in my building - I had several people hold elevator and hallway doors for me as I hobbled along. When your hands and armpits are trying to support you, a helpful person around is nice to have.

Speaking of hobbling, my gosh am I slow! When you're moving on crutches, there's a lot of "jolting" going on and you get the sense that you're actually moving fairly quickly. But once I caught my image in a reflective window, I knew right then that I was not the rabbit I thought I was... I may not even measure up to Mr. Turtle!

I told only 2 people that I was going in yesterday, so imagine the surprise on everyone's face when they saw me (and heard me "crutcheting" along). I think there were 2 distinct questions/responses that I heard throughout the day:

"Oh my gosh! You're back! How are you feeling? Does it hurt right now?"
"You cut your hair! It makes you look SO much younger!"

And sometimes, the "hair" was the first reaction... believe it or not!

It was tough to get work done - I had a lot of people stopping by and talking with me, which was fine by me (see above!). I told the story several times, relayed how I'm getting along, and answered several random questions... basically it was one talkative day!

By the end of the day, I was wiped out. Kevin and Becky took me to eat sushi last night, but by the time we got back to my house (8:00 PM) I was a "rolling" zombie (back on the walker). I didn't make it to watch Leno's last show (recorded it), and I slept like a baby all night.

Today I'm back alone again, which is fine. It won't be forever as my Mom is coming by tomorrow to take me on a few errands.

I doubt I'll let myself get into a "Cast Away" situation again... that's just too long to go without seeing anyone.

Oh, and if you're one of my local friends reading this, you're more than welcome to come "rescue me" anytime...

First Day Back to Work...

Today I returned to work... To say I had a lot of emails would be an understatement.

Before I set off for Oklahoma City to run the Half Marathon, I took that Friday off. Therefore, I haven't been "logged in" since April 23rd.

I think I was a bit anxious this morning... while I went to bed around 10:30 last night, I awoke around 4:30 AM today. As usual, I was sweating... and remember, I have complete control of my A/C so the inside climate was a brisk 71 degrees. It's very frustrating to wake up with your back and head covered in sweat... that's fairly typical when you can't move and are forced to remain in one position for an extended period of time.

I also had another problem. My leg was a combo of "asleep" and "aching." That's a great feeling... not sure if the brace was wrapped too tight, or if it was in need of meds. I took some Tylenol and tried to loosen the straps.

While I tried to return to the sweet sweet slumber, my mind started to race... once that started, I was up. Ah... the day was starting on a bright note.

After downing a lot of coffee, watching several local news shows, and eating a hearty breakfast...
I was ready to start my day.

My first task was to check my voicemail messages. I didn't have that many... which was a good sign. I had heard that "everybody in the company knew the story," so that explained it to me.

Unfortunately, my inbox took the full frontal assualt. I had over 2,200 emails in my inbox... no lie! As if called on queue, a headache started to form...

So as you can probably tell, I spent the entire day going through my inbox... replying to emails... answering questions about my situation... etc etc etc. Man... it was one long day.

I tried to take a few breaks... I actually went to the mailbox twice today. That may not sound like a big deal, but it was a first for me. My front yard has a slope to it... and going downhill on crutches is NOT an easy task.

The first time I went (to drop off a DVD), I actually had a moment that I stumbled. I caught myself, and then thought: Oh my gosh! If I fell down and messed up this knee again... causing further damage... UUGH!!! I couldn't imagine...

But the rest of the day was spent replying to those emails. Too bad Prudential blocked my blog... I had to explain "where things stand" about a 100 times today. Sigh...

By the end of the day, I was wiped out. I logged off and sat on my patio listening to tunes. Today was tough... it whipped me, but it didn't beat me.

I'm ready for bed... and looking forward to repeating another day of "normalcy."

48 Hours Later...

Well, it's been two full days since I've been on my own... so how's it going?

Hmm... "interesting" would be an appropriate term.

After my parents dropped me off, I settled in and started thinking up a plan.

First, knowing I'm going to have to do everything on my own, I need to be efficient. If I go into the kitchen or another room, I need to think what I either need to bring or pick up.

While I need to get up to work the muscles, I also need to rest the knee. It's a strange balancing act... it's beneficial on both fronts.

Of course, I'm enjoying my privacy. It's also great to have total control of the A/C, and the "noise" has been significantly reduced. Because of that, I'm able to sleep better... plus, being in my own bed makes it even better!

Moving around is still cumbersome. I'm using the walker indoors, and the crutches when I go outside.

Yesterday I flirted with the idea of going out to get a newspaper. While I have a subscription, I have put it on hold until May 31st. I didn't think I would be back home this soon. There is a newspaper machine about 200+ yards from my house. If I had two normal working legs, I could probably make it there and back in about 5-7 minutes. However, because it's also across a fairly busy street, I figured I'd better not tempt fate. So my "Sunday Paper" was an online experience.

I did go outside yesterday for about 30 minutes. Like most people in the Metroplex, I have a terrible mosquito problem with all of the recent rains. Knowing I want to sit out there on the patio without getting eaten alive, I sprayed that Cutter Yard Guard all around the backyard. I also filled the bird feeders... which hasn't been done in over a month. As simple as those two tasks were, it occupied about 30 minutes of my time.

I then came back inside and plopped down on the couch - which is pretty much my main activity. I'm being entertained by listening to music, watching shows I've recorded in the past month, and watching the DVDs that friends have provided (Battlestar Gallactica and Eureka). Mike, if you're reading this, "Arrested Development" is next on my list!

Would you believe I've been cooking? Nothing spectacular... but I'm making it happen. I've made a pasta dish with salmon/chicken, sandwiches, and even breakfast (eggs, bacon, etc).

If you can't tell, I'm desperately trying to get back to "normal." Within reason, I'm going to try and do everything to get back into my regular routine. Not only do I think it will help me physically, but mentally... this is very important to me.

My leg still has pain, so I'm taking Tylenol every 4 hours. Yes, I'm off the major pain killers. Yippee Skippy! That's so good on SO many fronts. Ha! However, if I move around too much it lets me know.

When I'm sitting for an extended period of time, I sometimes unwrap the entire leg... that means taking the brace and the ACE bandage off. I can't tell you how good that feels. Speaking of feeling, I've discovered an area on my knee that has ZERO feeling. For those that experience nerve damage, you know what I'm talking about... It's very strange. Not sure if I'll get that back...

The knee? It's still swollen... it's about the size of an orange. That's a huge improvement from some of the pics I've posted, right? Before the surgery, it was about the size of a large grapefruit.

The leg has no strength in it, either. If I lift it when it's unwrapped, I have to by using my hands. My muscles just can't support that... nor can the kneecap. That's where the brace is a huge help.

I've had my moments... the other day I heard a song on the radio that was one of my favorite running tunes. It brought me back, and I happened to look in the mirror. I could see the brace on my leg... and the frustration on my face. However, it has made me want it even more - to get through this with even more determination.

Some people have said I should attempt a marathon after this is over. Others have said I should give it up and find something else. Well, whatever I plan to do, it all begins right now. My only goal in the immediate future is to get strong enough where I don't have to rely on a walker or these crutches.

My body has changed significantly in the past 4 weeks. I've been told by some of the girls that I shouldn't advertise this, but I've lost almost 15 lbs... and that's with me getting on the scale while wearing the brace. It's amazing to me... I get on the scale thinking I haven't exercised and I'm eating some non-healthy foods. Surely I've gained, right?

"Muscle weighs a lot..." Yep, it's mostly the muscle mass. I've always had thick legs - either due to genetics or soccer or who knows what, but they are tremendously diminished. And I guess I don't eat as much as before. So all of that combined has brought me below the 200 lb mark for the first time in I-can't-remember-how-long. Of course, I did cut my hair off... and that alone had to be at least 5 lbs!

So life alone hasn't been too bad... and it's becoming as "normal" as I can make it. Tomorrow I make another big leap - I return to work. I'm going to try and work from home this week. However, maybe next week I can make a return to the office.

Finally, it's been 4 weeks... what a month. Probably the hardest in my entire life (physically). I still can't believe this happened, but I'm continuing on with the attitude that "it is what it is." I'm going to make the best of this, and I will rise from this strengthened physically and mentally. I can promise you that!

My friend Lance has a quote that I first learned from him in college: "If it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger."

I'm heading to the "stronger" side of life...

Moving Day...

Today I move back home...

Actually, it's going to happen in the next few hours. I can't tell you how excited I am to go home...

Of course, my Mom is extremely nervous. She has reminded me at least 6 different times that "If you don't think it's going to work out, you can move back here."

Believe me... I won't be coming back.

It's not that I'm not appreciative of their generosity... I think you've all learned that from previous blogs.

However, it's time. I haven't lived in my own house for the past month... and believe me, it's driving me batty!

Besides, I have to make this happen.

While I'm still using the walker indoors, I've gained a bit more strength in my left leg. There are times I find myself walking away from the walker... not far... but just short distances if I can support myself by using a table or something.

For those that know me, I will figure out a way (no matter what!) to make this work.

My mom went grocery shopping for me yesterday, and everything is currently packed up. I'm ready to go right now... but alas, the parents are away. They have planned all week to go to brunch this morning, so I have to wait for their return before I make my big return!

What am I looking forward to the most? I would say first and foremost, my privacy. I'm sorry, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks... I like being alone. But a very close second would be my bed - I can't wait to climb up into that bed and FINALLY get a good night's rest! While this couch has served its purpose, I'm so ready to be done with it...

This is a big step. Living by myself will be huge! I'll be responsible for getting all of my food and beverage. I plan to attach some plastic bags to the walker, and utilize my pockets as often as I can.

My next step will be Tuesday... that's the day I return to work (from home). We'll discuss that in a future blog...

For now? It's all about getting home!!!

"So... What Have You Learned???"

I've noticed a pattern the past few days of people not only asking how I'm doing... but what has this experience taught me?

My answer is simple: Appreciation

It's amazing when something humbles you and your eyes are opened to the world around you... I simply appreciate things so much more.

I would love to walk, run, shower, sleep, and do most things that normal people do. Unfortunately, I'm the guy who has to rely on a lot of disability aids these days (see picture).

But I'm not just appreciative of what I'm missing, I've clearly realized the incredible blessings that I have received through all of this.

First of all, my family... Words aren't enough to describe what my parents have done for me. I've tried to express that in these blogs, but I simply couldn't imagine what it would be like had I been alone. I'm so fortunate and blessed... it's just amazing. My parents have been selfless and totally giving through all of this...

I have other family members who are there as well. Through phone calls, cards, and emails, they've reached out to let me know how much they care. Even my little nephews sent me a card - I guess they've seen a few of my pictures and wanted me to know they're thinking of me.

My friends? Wow... food, gifts, cards, emails, phone calls, and visits... my parents keep telling me how "nice your friends are!" My eyes have welled up on more than one occasion at the generosity and "giving hearts" of my friends.

Have you ever seen "It's A Wonderful Life?" It's one of my favorite movies - I own it and watch it each Christmas. At the end, George looks in the book that was given to him by Clarence the Angel and it's written, "Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends."

I've always treasured my friends... if you're one of them reading this blog, I hope you know that. I have tried to be there for each of you, to reach out to you, and to let you always know that you mean a lot to me.

My friends come from a variety of places in life, but each one means something very special to me. I guess you can say each of them has a special place in my heart. There is a connection we've always shared. Loyalty. Trust. Committment. True and complete friendship.

But you know what? Through all of this, I've learned something even more - appreciation. I am so thankful for the time each of you have given me... it's a gift. No matter whether we've spent a few minutes on the phone, shared some emails, or spent time together, I have truly appreciated your prescence.

I feel like I listen more intently... that I grow more as a person with each act of kindness on your part. That sounds crazy, but it's true.

This has probably been the toughest thing I've ever gone through. But my family and friends have showed me something that I'll never forget - giving. You have given me more than you'll ever know.

I know what an effort it has been for some of you. But not matter what, your "gifts" have been an incredible prescription that has aided me in this recovery.

So while I don't (and have never) considered my life a failure, I'm truly honored to have the family and friends in my life that each of you represent.

Thank you... from the bottom of this appreciative heart.

Scattershootin'....

I'm starting to reach my "parent threshold."

My step dad Joel, who means well, can sometimes get on a topic and he's like a dog with a bone. My truck is parked at their house, and every day... EVERY DAY... he has something he wants me to know/consider/ponder... etc. regarding my vehicle.

While my 2003 Dodge Ram has 80,000 miles, that appears to be "way too much" for his beliefs. I'm being reminded that I should sell it and get a new one, make sure I change the timing belt (the manual/book says 90k miles but that's not enough to satisfy his tastes), why is the front license plate crooked, when am I going to sell it, have I thought about changing the timing belt, what did I hit to make that license plate crooked, did I know that I can get a good deal on a new Dodge pickup, that dang timing belt isn't going to change itself, too bad I don't feel like buying a new truck because the Dodge dealerships are just going to give them away, etc etc OMG etc!!!!

He has now decided that my truck really doesn't need to be parked at his house and it can go back to my house. Even though I've told him that it would be in the way (driveway and garage) if it was at my house and it makes it easier for me to go in the back door instead of the front... by gawd it's going home hell or high water. Whatever...

I'm having a lot of circulation issues. My leg keeps going to sleep, and last night I awoke to a terrible pain in my ankle. I took the brace off last night and gave the old leg a sponge bath - man did it feel good. However, I think I wrapped it too tight. I've also had a tremendous headache all day, which has been an annoyance...

Chandra picked me up for lunch today - it was so good to get out of the house. This was my second time this week to go out for a meal. Lisa took me to dinner on Monday. I can't tell you how much it means to me when people take me out...

Today Joel surprised my mom with a new car - it was sitting in the driveway when Chandra and I returned from lunch. Hey... maybe THAT'S why he continues to tell me to buy a new truck??? (Just kidding... I know that is the reason)

This afternoon, I crashed... it still boggles my mind how doing little things wipes me out. I probably got 30 minutes though I needed a lot longer. Today was Joel's yard day... and he's not the quietest bull in the china shop...

There sure are a lot of "Family Guy" episodes on TV. Whether it's on a local affiliate or cable, you can pretty much find one to watch at most times of the day... and it is definitely not a show for the kiddos...

Ahh, the life of the extremely bored... also known as the "desperately wanting to move back home..."

After First Follow-Up Visit

Today I had my first post operative visit with my doctor to check the progress, remove the stitches, and take a new X-Ray.

My mom and I arrived a few minutes prior to the appointment. While we were in the waiting room, my Uncle Wayne came out and sat with us. He had just met with my doctor to discuss surgery on his knees. Apparently, all went well and he will be going under the knife in June. It's really good he'll be getting this taken care of.

He told them that he was my uncle, and he said the Physician's Assistant said that it was a terrible story of what happened to me. She also said she would try and think of a better one to tell people. Ha.

After we were called in, they immediately took me into X-Ray. After a few shots, I was back in the room.

The big unveiling was next... this was the moment for me to see how it looked. Remember, I hadn't opened up the brace to see the scar. I had no idea where they even did the incision.

Well, that was immediately answered when I saw it was smack dab in the middle... and it was about 5 inches in length. The assistant cut the top and bottom stitches out, but left the rest. She said it will eventually dissolve.

Next, Dr. Rutherford came in. Have you ever been to a doctor where it seemed like they were just wanting to make an appearance and then leave as quickly as they could? Well, Dr. Rutherford is NOT like that at all.

He sat down and talked about what happened in surgery. He then asked me how things were going, and if I had any concerns. He was interested in hearing all of the details - like my stamina, pain, sleeping patterns, etc. He then said, "OK... what questions do you have?" He was extremely patient and calm as my Mom went through her list.

It turns out that on June 1st I'll return to have a pin removed from the brace to allow 45 degrees of movement. A month later, he'll remove another pin to allow 60 degrees of movement. And so on and so forth.

I asked if I'll ever be able to run again, and he said "maybe... but not with the hardware in the knee." In 6-9 months I'll go in for another surgery to remove everything... and it will require another night in the hospital. Awesome.

He told me I can remove the brace to sponge wash my leg, but that it has to remain flat and that the brace needs to immediately go back on. He doesn't want this knee to bend at all to impact the kneecap.

Finally, because of the pain and stamina issues, he wants me to take one more week to recuperate. He will release me back to work on Tuesday, May 26... but I'll have to work from home for a while.

When I got home, I was wiped out. I ended up taking a 2-hour nap this afternoon... My parents say I was "sawing some serious logs." That can be translated as "You were snoring like a grizzly bear!"

For those that have been interested in seeing my pictures from Oklahoma City, the ER, post-surgery, and some I took today, I've uploaded them to Picasa. You can click the link below to view all of my pics. Enjoy:

LINK

Lots & Lots of Pain... and a Doctor Visit...

I thought I'd answer the question I get a lot: "How are you feeling?"

Well, to be honest, my leg has been hurting a lot the past few days.

Maybe I'm trying to do too much... or maybe it's healing in different areas and I'm feeling the effects. Whatever the case, the whole thing hurts like hell...

I think I've described this before, but I have different areas of pain.

Sometimes it hurts right on the knee - like a dull, consistent ache. It also twitches a lot even when it's relaxed. I think maybe it's the muscles surrounding the the knee that decide to "dance" every once in a while. Maybe they're bored with all of the inactivity... a few weeks ago they were being used for silly things like walking, running, etc.

Then there is the quadricep above the knee. It probably hurts the most... not the most intense, but just the most consistent. It hurts all day. I've had times in my life where I felt dehydrated and my muscles ached - drinking a lot of water seemed to help.

Well, because I'm taking these hydrocodone pills, I believe they have a dehydration effect. My mouth is dry a lot, and I go through a lot of water throughout the day. Anyway, I'm thinking that maybe they're having an impact on my muscles.

But, the pills have another effect: Sleepiness. I take at least one nap a day... and sometimes two. I guess I can't put the blame all on the pills - my stamina is extremely low. If I do anything that takes a lot of energy, I'm wiped out.

Have you noticed a theme in some of my posts after a shower? They're typically followed by a nap. Or if I walk out to the mailbox, I have to sit/lay down on the couch. This is just crazy to me - I've never experienced anything like this before in my life!

Again... this is probably due to the healing process. I guess my body has never experienced the amount of trauma like it has in the past few weeks. Man, I have a lot of "why is this happening to me" questions swirling around my brain...

I guess I can have all of these questions answered tomorrow when I see the doctor. The appointment is at 10:30 AM. In fact, my Uncle Wayne is going to be meeting my doctor at 9:30 AM - he is having knee problems and wants to speak with a specialist. My mom suggested he call my doctor.

Want to know something funny? My mom started telling me all of these questions to ask the doctor... I was like, "What are you talking about? Aren't you going to be there?" She didn't think I would want "dear old Mom" to be in the room with me. I quickly replied, "You're going so that you don't have to pepper me with questions afterwards!"

You see, I've quickly found out through all of this that as a guy, I don't ask enough questions. I can't tell you how many times people have asked, "Did you ask the doctor ___?" or "What did the doctor say about ___?" Uh... what was that again?

So... I'm bringing along my insurance policy - if a question wasn't asked then at least I can blame it on my mom... hahaha. OK... just kidding.

But seriously, she's taking this little "assignment" to heart. I found her tonight writing up her list of questions.

That doctor doesn't have a chance tomorrow...

I'm a Winner!!!

Did anyone watch the Preakness yesterday? Wow... what an exciting race!

Living with my parents, I've really been introduced into the world of horse racing.

To say my parents are "fans" would be an understatement. They LOVE the sport of quarter-horse racing!

When I talk with my friends, we talk about sports... NFL... college football... college basketball... etc. My parents? They talk horses, jockeys, and owners! They have been to various tracks and events, including the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness. That would be like me going to the Super Bowl or the BCS National Championship!

And they tune in to horses - Verizon FIOS has 2 horse racing channels that they watch, and ESPN often runs special selection shows that they follow.

So the reason I was staying by myself yesterday was because they were going to Louisiana Downs to watch several races in person, as well as to bet on the Preakness.

Well, at the Preakness, the favorite was a philly by the name of Rachel Alexandra. She was the only girl horse running against 12 boys (colts). In 85 years a philly has never won the Preakness.

I gave my parents $20 for 3 different bets. One of the bets was a pairing I had of the winner being Rachel Alexandra and the 2nd place going to Mine That Bird, the winner of the Kentucky Derby.

Calvin Borel road both of those horses during the Derby weekend - with Rachel Alexandra winning the Kentucky Oaks (filly race) and then pulling the upset of all upsets the next day with Mine That Bird (50-1 longshot!). Borel felt that the philly was the "best horse he had ever ridden," so he decided to ride her in the Preakness.

It was a thrilling race - with MTB starting out in last place. However, Rachel Alexandra had the 13th slot and moved into first place throughout the race.

"Bird" turned it on halfway through the race and caught up to the philly. Had the race been a little longer, he would have won. However, she prevailed... and I won $40!

Yippee!

And my parents had a great time on their vacation...

One Awesome Day...

Yesterday was my first "overnight" stay at my house... by myself. How did it go??? Read on...

My day began at 6:45 AM. My parents wanted to leave at 8:00 AM, so I was "up and at em."

Once they dropped me off, I went ahead and took a shower. This was followed by a very good nap!

Kevin showed up around 12:30 PM and brought me my favorite burrito: Freebird's! (Note to self: You can order online!)

After lunch, Brian showed up to help Kevin move my entertainment center. You see, Kevin's purpose was to install my new outdoor speakers (pictured) on my patio.

It was good to see Brian. It was the first time he had seen me with the brace on, as well as moving around on a walker. He and his wife Sarah had made me my first meal out of the hospital - Lasagna dinner. Yum!

After Brian left, Kevin proceeded to do "professionally install" the speakers. Now if you're ever in need of someone with incredible audio technical experience, Kevin is the man to call. He mounted those speakers, wired them through the attic-down the wall-into the receiver, and got my interior sound working perfectly... all while sweating as much as I do when running!

It is amazing... to be able to listen to radio, CDs, Sirius-XM Satelite Radio, or even a TV show outside is going to be incredible. I told him he just made my "summer therapy" much more bearable. To explain, one of my favorite joys in life is sitting on my patio... drinking my favorite frosty beverage... and admiring my yard. (If you saw my backyard, you'd fully understand...)

Knowing that I'll be going through a lot of physical therapy, I figured I will need a place to "recover." I can't think of a better place...

Speaking of "place," I think I did fairly well by myself last night. I ordered a pizza, watched some shows, and went to bed around 11:30.

The one big difference is you don't have anyone to help you when you're by yourself. You also have to be extremely efficient. "OK... I need to get a drink of water. Is there anything else I need to bring back on this trip?"

Do you want to know the most exciting point of my evening? It was getting to sleep in my own bed! The last time I slept in my own bed was April 24... that seems like a thousand years ago. Since then, I've slept on a hotel bed, a guest bed, a hospital bed, and a couch...

I was thrilled to be able to get up onto my bed last night! Not only was it comfortable... but it meant that I am that much closer to being able to go home!

I awoke this morning at 10:00 AM... not because I was ready to get up, but because I did something extremely painful. I've done this before... for some odd reason, I have a strange habit of stretching right before I really wake up. I didn't know I did this until it happened several times since the surgery.

Well, stretching isn't really the right thing to do when you have all of this hardware. I think what is actually happening is my quadricep is pulling on my kneecap... and all of that metal. Zow-wee does that hurt! Ha!

I made some coffee and polished off the rest of that pizza (breakfast of champions), then took a shower (Whoo Hoo - 2nd shower in as many days!). I then relaxed on the couch and waited for the folks to pick me up.

All in all, I think I did a pretty good job. My leg was aching pretty good for most of yesterday, and it did take me a long time to go to sleep... but overall, I'm very happy I was able to "mostly" take care of myself.

Parks and Recreation...

I'm not sure if anyone else is watching this show, but it's actually starting to grow on me.

It comes on Thursday nights before The Office, and one of the characters is definitely "a person of interest" to me.

Andy, seen having his cast removed, broke both of his legs when he fell into a "pit" next to his apartment complex.

Throughout the previous episodes, we've seen Andy sitting on the couch being served by his girlfriend. The difference between Andy and I is that he enjoys being served and decided to keep his cast on longer just for the service. Ha!

We've also seen him trying to adjust to the casts and dealing with various things - like scratching! Believe me... having something to jam down into that cast is a huge relief!

Last night's episode dealt with him getting the casts removed. I took a screenshot of all of the crap that had fallen into the cast - "Hey, my iPod!" - because it cracked me up so much.

I'm pretty sure nothing is in mine, but we'll know for sure on Monday when the brace is removed and the Ace bandage is unwrapped. Unfortunately, this isn't the big "removal." It will be put back on before I leave the doctor's office.

Let's just hope it's not as smelly as Andy's cast! ha!

By the way, one of my favorite things to do these days is to catch up on shows by going to Hulu.com. If you haven't been there, I highly recommend you check it out. You can watch virtually any show for free. Just use the Search field to find a show and you're in business!

It's especially helpful if you missed a show and forgot to record it... just go here the day after and you can watch it on your computer.

A Very Sore Day...

There are days that the leg registers very low on the pain scale... today is not one of those days. My hunch is that I may have put a little too much stress on the knee.

First of all, it was a "shower day." That means I'm not only getting in and out of my stepdad's vehicle, but I also have to do a lot of "movement" in the bathroom.

Showering is just a lot of work. You have to do several "balancing acts" that your body doesn't go through on a normal day. As much as I try to keep the weight off of the knee, inevitably I don't always succeed.

And I'm not just talking about the actual showering part - the most difficult part seems to be getting in and out of the shower.

Today was also a monumental day in that I began using crutches again. Believe me, they're not that fun (or easy), but I'd rather use them out in public instead of the walker.

Speaking of public, my good friend Britt picked me up tonight and took me out to dinner. Would you believe that this is the first time I've been out in a restaurant since April 25th? I've eaten all of my meals either on a couch or in the hospital.

When Britt picked me up, I decided to try riding in the front seat, too. Normally I've ridden in the back seats so that I could stretch out the leg.

We went over to Boudreaux's Cajun Kitchen - man, it was good! I had the crawfish etouffee. I also sat in a chair at the table instead of stretching out the leg. That was another first. (Are you seeing a theme here?)

Now that I'm home, I'm thinking that maybe I overdid it today. As I'm sitting on this couch with my knee propped up, I'm reminded of this: Today was a very sore day...

This is definitely going to be a long process. But for now...

Come on pain pills!!!

Apologies to my Prudential Friends...

I was informed today that my Prudential friends and colleagues are no longer able to view my blog while at work.

Apparently, something went into the internet filter at work to prevent people from seeing blogs. That's a bummer... there are so many good blogs out there to be viewed.

Plus, this was a tool for me to communicate with everyone to let them know how I'm doing. I've had an incredible response from people regarding my health, and most of the information has been relayed through this blog.

Today my boss called to let me know that he is bummed that he can't read "the latest and greatest" info on the life and times of Gimpy. He first heard from Joe, a co-worker in Atlanta, that the blog was blocked... and I've heard from Kevin, who told me that a lot of sites are now blocked.

Honestly, this blog's hit-rate has grown incredibly since the accident. For the 4 months that I ran and blogged, I had about 600 visits. In the 3 weeks since accident, I've had over 600 additional hits!

Well, hopefully people will check it out from their personal computers. I'll continue to try and keep everyone updated with every gruesome detail... ha!

Next Monday is a big day - I get the stitches out and there will be new X-Rays. So, if you want to see the change from this one (link), make sure you come back early next week for the results!

Where Things Stand...

As some of you have gathered, I had a little bit of a dip in my spirits in the past few days. I've been told this is "normal" under the circumstances, but I guess it was a little surprising to me as I've tried to have a positive attitude about all of this.

One thing that bothered me in particular was a comment about how I probably will never run again. That was very shocking to me... and there may be a bit of truth in that, which scares the crap out of me.

I'm not really sure what lies ahead... and I guess I need to be prepared that I may have lost something that I really enjoyed. However, taking the "glass is half full" approach, maybe I'll gain something that I never tried before...

Did you know today is 2 weeks removed from my surgery? That's crazy to me... it seems like 2 months! Well, I thought I'd give an update on what's been going on...

First of all, I want to say that I'm under excellent care. My parents are doing a great job helping me out. They get my meals, pick up my meds, always ask "do you need anything," and are truly there for me.

For someone that is used to living alone, this has been a big adjustment. However, I'm enjoying the time I'm getting to spend with them. I think we've settled into a routine... and from everything I've witnessed, they don't seem to mind. Guess that's what parents do, huh? They do anything they can for their kids...

The leg has its good days and bad days. I'm desperately trying to get off of these pills, but the leg has other ideas. The pills make me loopy - which may be a good thing for some people. However, for me, I guess I just don't like that feeling when I'm trying to concentrate. They also make me pretty dang tired.

Speaking of being tired, I've lost a significant amount of my stamina. It's crazy to me to think that 3 weeks ago I was ready to run 13.1 miles... and today I get winded just going to the mailbox.

I nap a lot, too. While this may be a bonus for some people, sleeping actually isn't very comfortable to me. For one, I can't move. I lie on my back with my leg propped up with 2 pillows. When I'm on my back and can't move, I sweat a lot... OK... to be honest, "a lot" should be defined as "gallons of sweat."

Yesterday was a really good day for me. It was "shower day," so that's always a good day. As my mom was driving me to my house, she asked, "Would you like for me to drop you off and let you spend the afternoon by yourself?" Immediately my spirits started to lift, and I told her that was a great idea.

After eating lunch, I took a shower - I'm down to making it a 25-minute experience. I then went out to my living room and laid down on my couch (in my 70 degree air-conditioned environment!) and turned on XM radio and listened to my favorite station - The Highway (DirecTV channel 814) .

I then turned it off and took a 2 hour nap... no lie... and would you believe that morning I took an hour one? Seriously... I'm not kidding when I tell you my system is a bit jacked up.

My parents picked me up around 5, and I came home and spent the evening reading and watching the finale of The Biggest Loser (still can't believe Helen won! Grrr...).

Finally, I'm posting the above picture because people keep asking me to show what my new hairstyle looks like. I also shaved my goatee, but some of you may have seen that already.

So don't worry about me... I'm doing a lot better mentally. I know I'll have my good days and bad ones, but I'm still moving forward. I've got to... it's really the only direction that works for me right now, anyway. Ha!

Time Keeps on Ticking...

Let's see... what can I report from my day today?

Woke up around 9AM... of course, it wasn't a pleasant start to the day as the knee was screaming, "WAKE UP!!!!"

After breakfast, I answered emails and phone calls... read the paper... watched whatever was on TV before noon. Basically, began another boring day.

For lunch I ate a Sonic crispy chicken club sandwich. After that, I figured I needed to take a lap so I took the walker out to the mailbox. Maybe tomorrow I'll go past the neighbor's house...

Exciting stuff so far, huh...???

The afternoon was spent on the couch doing some of the same things I did this morning... reading... answering emails and phone calls... watching pointless TV.

Oh, I did have to do something that was fairly important. As most of you know, my family spends every 4th of July together. We always go to Galveston, spending a few days in a condo that's right on the beach. My brother flies in from San Diego... my sister and her family drive down from Houston... my parents and I come in from Dallas.

Because of Hurricane Ike, we decided to move it to a river trip in the hill country. We all rented cabins right on the Frio River for 3 days.

Now that I've messed up my knee, the family has decided to cancel the trip altogether. Therefore, everyone contacted the cabins today... and I canceled my flight reservation. As of now, we don't have any plans to spend anytime together for the 4th.

My knee just keeps on giving, eh??? (sarcasm)

This afternoon I watched Slumdog Millionaire - a very good movie. Had dinner, watched some shows, surfed Hulu, and that pretty much sums up my day.

The leg still hurts, but not as much as it did a week ago. I had another pain in my ankle this morning, and I am pretty sure the "itchiness" on my knee is due to the stitches.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...

Two Weeks Later...

It's been two weeks... two VERY long weeks...

Actually, it blows my mind that it's only been two weeks. I don't know about you, but it seems much longer than that to me.

Today was a very laid back day. After breakfast, my parents went down to the Farmer's Market to grab some plants and vegetables. That gave me some time to myself. What did I do with that time? Shopping!

For those that are members of REI, you know that today was the last day of one of their few sales of the year. I used a gift card that I received from my brother for Christmas, plus the member's coupon, to purchase shorts, a shirt, and a multi-tool for my truck (it's like a Leatherman...)

I bought the shorts knowing that I will need some extra pairs this summer due to the brace on my leg. If you haven't seen this thing, just know this: It's a monster! It's huge! It's made out of foam with 6 Velcro straps extending from my thigh to my ankle. Knowing I can't slip pants over this thing, I'd better have a nice supply of shorts in my closet.

So where do things stand now that it's been 2 weeks from the accident and a week and a half removed from the surgery?

Physically, I still have aches and pains... but not as bad. A week ago, if I came up off the couch, the knee would hurt like a mother and it would literally take my breath away. I'd usually have to wait for the pain to pass before I could get moving. That problem went away around mid-week.

I've gone from taking two pain pills every 4 hours to one every four hours... and now I'm taking about a total of four a day. So, as you can see, the pain is getting less and less intense.

I still wake up with crazy pains throughout the night, but not as often as before. This morning I awoke with an ache in my ankle. That was very odd because I hadn't experienced that before... it went away and then came back a bit this afternoon.

Have I mentioned the muscle spasms? My leg flutters quite a bit throughout the day... but at night, it tends to jerk and twitch like nobody's business! The most ongoing pain I have is in my upper thigh. I don't know what is going on with my quads, but they tend to be flexed or tense all of the time. I can feel knots on the sides, too.

Mentally? Hmm... well, as you can tell, this is getting old. I had a rough day yesterday... but today is much better. I think I'm mentally exhausted with all of this. For example, today I took a nap. However, while I normally take naps that range from 30-45 minutes, this one was almost two hours. My mom said she could tell I needed it... she's probably right.

One week from tomorrow, I get the stitches out. That means they'll unwrap this behemoth and I get to see what is under the ACE bandage. I'm curious to see the scar - particularly, how large of a cut was made given the distance between the 2 pieces of my kneecap. In addition, they'll take X-Rays... which means I can see the hardware. I'll try and take pictures... :-)

So as I begin my 3rd week, I think I'm doing OK. I'm taking longer strides with the walker, and I hope to get back on the crutches to check my mobility. The walker is great, but it's not what I want to be on in the coming weeks. To me, getting back on the crutches would be progress. (At least using them in public)

Thanks again everyone for the supportive emails... they really mean a lot, and the encouragement truly goes a long way.

My Mom...

I want to introduce everyone to the greatest Mom in the world...

OK... I know... it's Mother's Day, and everyone is doing their best to make sure their "Mom's" are appreciated. Some people may say this is a day that the card companies invented. I've heard others say in the past that it should be renamed "Guilt Trip Day," because that's what you'll receive if you don't honor your mother. Ha!

Well, this is one guy who truly appreciates his Mom!

My mom has been the backbone of this family for as long as I can remember. She takes care of everyone with a servant's heart, no matter the occasion or the circumstance.

And you know what? She loves her family. That's not just words... or something said that should be taken for granted. Our holidays and family moments are all because of her. She organizes everything, and makes sure everyone is happy and comfortable throughout the occasion.

My mom has always been there for me and my siblings. I remember her standing on the sidelines at my soccer games, taking care of me through all of my illnesses (and visits to the ER!), and making sure I knew she wasn't just a parent, but a friend.

To this day, January 9, 1986, has always been the worst day of my life. I will never forget that day. I was a 15-year old Freshman, and I came home from school that day to find my mom waiting for me in the living room. What was odd was she had been out of town (New Orleans) at a seminar, but had come home that day to deliver the worst news I had ever received: My dad had died.

She didn't have to do that. I could have received that news from anyone else. In fact, I could have received it over the phone. But she cared enough about me to be there for me in that "worst of all moments."

Throughout the rest of my "growing up" years, she continued to be the supporting parent. She helped me get my first car, she gave me numerous tips of advice, and she took care of my expenses while I was in college.

Twenty years after moving out of this house, I'm back home. With that same servant's heart, she's totally "here" for me. Through her cooking, cleaning, administration, organization, and anything else I could think of, she's been there for me. From when I wake up to when she goes to bed, her priority is me. It's truly humbling to think I come from such an amazing woman...

I gave her a card this morning - it was waiting for her in the kitchen when she arrived. I was fortunate to have someone pick it out for me while I've been here. In it, I wrote my gratitude for everything she's done for me, and compared it to when I was 10 and had pneumonia.

But I also wrote this: Even though this accident has been a burden on both of our lives, I want you to know that I've truly enjoyed the time we have spent together.

So on this Mother's Day, I want everyone to know who is taking care of me. I hope each of you have a relationship like this with your Moms... and if you are a Mom, I hope one day you can have a relationship like this with your son or daughter.

She's the perfect Mom... and friend.

I love my Mom with all of my heart and soul...

Difficult Day...

Today my parents dropped me off at my house for a few hours while they were out and about.

Before they left, I could tell my mom was a nervous wreck. She had packed me a lunch, picked up my mail, and made sure everything I needed was within a short distance.

Just to make sure everyone is clear, I'm moving around on a walker. If your hands are on a walker, how do you hold a plate of food? How do you carry liquids or other items? I've found a few tricks... but, overall, I'm severely limited in a lot of the things most people take for granted. Believe me... I wouldn't have known any of this had I not experienced it firsthand.

I didn't really do anything... I took a shower, watched some shows, grabbed a nap, enjoyed my "I-can-control-the-AC" climate, and basically was happy with my limited freedom.

However, right before my folks came to pick me up, it hit me: I miss my life.

Once that thought arrived, it was all downhill after that. It's completely frustrating, to be honest, to be in this situation. I hate that I've burdened my folks with this - meaning, it's not just my life this accident has impacted.

I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of the walker, and I'm tired of the limitations. I miss my home, I miss sleeping in my bed, I miss wearing normal clothes, and I miss working in my yard. I'm sick of the questions, I'm frustrated by the immobility, and I just want my whole damn life back!

My mom could tell I was pretty down tonight... watching her bring me my dinner while I'm sitting on this couch, I just thought about how it should be me serving her. She has done SO much for me, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

I apologized for my mood, and she was gracious in saying it's just one of those days. She could tell I've had enough. It's like when you go on vacation (although this is NOT that!) and you reach a point where you're ready to go home... well, I'm ready but I can't!

Is this what you would call a breaking point?

So that picture is appropriate because, at this point, I really just want to go home... lock the doors... and have everyone stay away for a while.

Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. It is what it is...

And I know this is temporary. I am going to pull myself out of this tomorrow and all will be well in the world. I guess today was just a big reminder of the life I once had, and I just don't know when that will come back.

I debated on whether or not to write all of this... but in the end, I figured I might as well continue the honesty... so there you go.

Running the Sahara

Lying on this couch, I awoke this morning and flipped on the TV. What I saw made me miss something that may shock a lot of you... running.

My injury didn't occur while running... it was caused due to a stupid lapse in judgement. I did this... not running.

A few months ago, I came across the story of three ultra runners who ran across the Sahara desert in Africa. It was documented by a film crew... and filmed in HD. Narrated by Executive Producer Matt Damon, their quest is to draw attention to the lack of water in Northern Africa.

It's a fascinating story. Here's a blip from their website:

On February 20, Charlie, Ray and Kevin touched the Red Sea, just a few hours before sunset. Their quest had lasted 111 days and taken them through 6 countries: Senegal, Mauritania, Mali, Niger, Libya, and Egypt. By the team's daily GPS record, they had traveled over 4,300 miles (6,920 kilometers). They fought through injury and extreme fatigue to reach their goal, which changed them forever.

This movie is for all people, not just runners. If you are interested in perseverance, personal challenges, or just the amazing things a driven person can accomplish, I totally recommend this movie.

You can find it now on Showtime, but it's also available on Netflix if you want to drop it into your queue.

Watching them run this morning reminded me of one of the many things I truly miss right now. Running was a great outlet for me this year. Someday, maybe I'll have the opportunity to do it again.

But if not, at least I know I was a runner like these guys once in my life...

Pain Management...

One week ago tonight, I was lying in a hospital room dealing with a lot of pain. Last Thursday, I had undergone my first two Physical Therapy sessions since the previous day's surgery. Believe me... I was not Mr. Happy Camper.

Tonight my mom asked me a question - "How is your pain right now?" When I replied, "About a 5 right now," she was shocked.

I know a lot of people say things like I've got a good attitude throughout all of this. Maybe people think I should be all "doom and gloom" or "woe is me." Is that what is expected from me?

Well, I am "choosing" my attitude. If you've been following this since just before the surgery, I decided back then that the only way I could make it through all of this is to try and stay positive.

Yes, this sucks. But in all honesty, "it is what it is." There's nothing I can do to change the past. The past is history. My accident is ancient. If you think about it, that was last month. It's over... done.

The next hurdle in my situation, the actual surgery, is history as well. That was last week. So if I'm not going to focus on the accident, then does it really make sense to dwell on the surgery or anything else in the past? (Hope you see where I'm going with all of this)

At this point, I can only help my present and future by moving forward.

And with this attitude, I haven't talked about my pain too much... either through the blog or with the people around me. I'm not trying to ignore the pain... I mean, it's a part of me. But I'm also not trying to focus on the negative.

But for those that really Really REALLY want to know what's going on with every detail of this ordeal, then this little "pain description" is for you. Enjoy...

Typically I wake up with a pretty intense throbbing pain in my knee each morning. As you probably know, I can only sleep in one position: on my back and with my left leg propped up on a pillow. Yeah, try that all night long... it's a ton of fun.

I toss and turn that leg, which is mostly numb, trying to shake off the pain... but it never works. It's my own personal hellacious alarm clock without a snooze button.

Once I'm up and I take a pain pill, it goes down within the hour. Throughout the morning, I guess my level of pain is usually a 3. That level is pretty steady until mid-afternoon.

I try and move around on this walker as much as I can. While it's good that I get up and do some laps, it does seem to irritate the knee. So I rest as much as I can with the leg propped up, but I try and get up about 10 times a day.

By the evening, my knee is pretty sore... hence the 5 that I reported to my mom tonight. Sometimes it's a little bit higher depending on what I did that day. It also sometimes gets a little more intense throughout the night before I go to bed.

Once I go to sleep, I typically am down for about 2 hours at a time. Usually the knee wakes me up, but I try and adjust it so that I can go back to sleep. If 4 hours go by, I can take one of my pain pills and hopefully last a little longer.

Yes, I'm still taking the hydrochodone pills. I'm taking 1 every 4 hours (instead of 2). We've actually started the process to get the "no refill" prescription refilled... but who knows how long that will take. I have about 5 left at this point.

Now, there are actually separate "pains." Most of the time, I just feel the knee in general. However, there are times I actually feel the incision. I know... gross... but just being honest. I still don't have a clue how big of a cut they made, but my hunch is it must be quite a bit. I'm even looking forward to finding out the number of stitches I have!

Finally, what I've discovered lately is I can really feel the hardware in the knee. It feels like there's a metal plate in there... although I know it's just the wires that are wrapped around he 2 kneecaps. Maybe I should get a magnet and see what would happen? (Just kidding)

So, that's it in a nutshell. My pain ranges from about a 3 to maybe a 6. My hope is that this time next week, the 3 will be the high! And I can sleep longer than 2 hours...

Ah... that would be sweeeeeeeeeet...

Rear Window

April 26 was a VERY long day for me...

The day started out running to a marathon, breaking my kneecap, riding in an ambulance, lying around in an ER, getting my drugs from Walgreens, packing up my hotel room, and taking a 3-hour drive back to Dallas in the backseat of a friend's car.

When we arrived at Chandra's house, I "crutcheted" my way toward her couch. Once on it, and noticing a window behind me, I declared, "Well, I guess this is my very own personal 'Rear Window.'"

Everyone looked at me... no response.

Hello? Is this thing on? Hello???

It turns out, none of my friends (all in their 30s!) had ever seen the famous Alfred Hitchcock film, Rear Window.

Are you kidding me? Wait... are these the drugs kicking in? "I swear I saw a helicopter!" (that's a long story... maybe I'll tell that one day)

Rear Window is a fantastic movie - a Thriller if there ever was one. It deals with a guy who has broken his left leg (hmmm...) and is confined to his wheelchair (and apartment) with his only entertainment to look out his window at his neighbors in their apartments. It's voyeurism at it's best!

Obviously, I identify with James Stewart in this regard. When you're not moving around, and rely almost 100% on the kindness of others, you tend to get bored and find things to entertain you.

Unfortunately, I don't have a "window" from my vantage point now. And if there is a crime in this neighborhood, I doubt I'd even notice it... especially at night since I'm sleeping with ear plugs.

So because this has been on my mind, I decided to find my own "entertainment outlet." Therefore, I joined Netflix this week...

Including Rear Window, I've also watched Death at a Funeral. I'll recommend this one, too. First, if you like British comedy movies, you'll love this one. Secondly, one of my friends from high school is in it. His name is Alan Tudyk, and he plays Simon. Let's just say when Alan and I were skateboarding back then, I never saw him like he appeared in that movie. (You'll know what I mean after you see it)

So Rear Window is a great flick... but I just hope I don't end up like Jimmy Stewart did at the end of the movie when I'm finished with all of this recuperation!

"Can you take a shower???"

When I start to see a pattern in the questions that are emailed to me via friends and family, I figured it might be something that needs to be addressed for others...

So... how long do you think it takes for you to take a shower?

Before all of this, I could probably be in and out in about 6-7 minutes. Now... well... let's just say it's a MUCH longer process.

I'm fortunate to have a good friend who knew I would face this particular difficulty. Mel bought me a shower seat (pictured) and brought it to me the night of the surgery. I was thankful for it then, but now I'm totally indebted to her - I had no idea how something so simple could be so beneficial!

To begin with, my Dr. advised taking a shower every other day. That might sound a little "long" to some of you, but it actually makes sense. For one, it's a long process to go through. Also, I'm not really doing anything... just lying on this couch and getting up about 8-10 times a day to try and keep moving.

Real quick: Do you want to know why it's important I "get up" so often instead of resting the leg? I've been told by the "at home" Physical Therapist that it helps to prevent blood clots, pneumonia, and bed sores. So, because I don't want any of that, I try and do little "laps" like going to the kitchen, walking out to the mailbox, etc.

OK, so here is everything you could ever want to know about showering with a straight-braced leg...

The "setting" is my house - specifically my master bath. We travel from my parent's house to mine because I have a 1-story house and my parent's bathrooms are upstairs. Since I can't make it up stairs (yet), it just makes sense. Besides, it beats the alternative - my mom wanted me to go to her neighbor's house! Are you kidding me???

First, you've got to have a walk-in shower. Bathtubs won't work. Additionally, the shower needs to have a hose. One thing that would be extremely helpful are hand rails inside the shower. Unfortunately, mine doesn't have any. We're looking at getting some...

Next, "prep the area." All of your towels and washcloths need to be placed strategically, along with the soap and shampoo. You don't want to get in there and have those outside of your arm-reach. This also includes your post-shower clothes. Because my bathroom isn't carpeted, I lay out extra towels on the ground so that I won't slip.

Before I can get wet, I have to wrap the leg. This calls for two 38-gallon yard trash bags. Why 2? Because you don't want to get that brace wet or we will be mayor of "Itch City." The Dr. told me that double-bagging just provides an extra barrier.

After I wrap the first bag around the leg, I secure it with duct tape. Is that a guy thing??? It's surprisingly durable... though it's applied directly to my hairy drumstick. I then wrap the other leg with the final trash bag, and tape it up just the same.

The entire time I'm wrapping the leg, I'm sitting on the shower stool... outside the shower. There's not enough room in the box to do all of this, so I have to put the stool back in the shower before starting. Remember, I'm not walking around on 2 legs... I'm using the walker and carrying this stool while hauling around a double-wrapped garbage-bagged leg. Ha! Oh the imagery...

Before closing the shower door, I make sure the walker is right outside within reach and the towel is hanging on that walker. Are you getting the picture that this walker is very integral to my life???

So, here we go. Basically, I shower like I normally would... I just don't stand up. I wash the hair, condition it, soap up everything, and rinse... lather... rinse... repeat... It just takes a lot longer. And, having that shower head on the hose is extremely helpful because it allows me to direct it away from the bum leg.

Once I'm finished, I then open the door and grab the towel from the walker. Once I feel confident enough to stand, I start to grab things outside the shower that can help lift me up... usually the walker and a short wall.

Now, I've learned that removing duct-taped trash bags from your person isn't very easy. I now immediately grab scissors and start cutting it off of me. Then comes the ripping... ah, there's nothing like the feeling of hair being torn from your leg!

After that "wax job," I then proceed to finish drying off and getting dressed. Looking around, the place is a wreck. I have wet towels everywhere, water everywhere, and 2 soggy trash bags. The time that has passed is about 40-45 minutes.

However, it's totally worth it! I feel incredible afterwards, and start looking forward to coming back "home" in 2 days to repeat the process...

Given I'm supposed to have this brace on until September 1... you now can see what I'll be dealing with when it comes to bathing.

Lather... Rinse... REPEAT...

"What's Up With These Ads???"

I've had a few questions in the past few weeks about the advertisements on this blog... so maybe I should explain them to you.

If you remember, the original intent for this blog ("Running/Exercise/Fitness") was to inspire my readers to find their motivation to "get moving." I wanted to provide as many avenues to do this that I could.

For example, if you look over on the right side, I try and pull articles from various places that may be of interest and similarity to what I'm writing here.

In regards to the ads, I figured I might as well provide "banners" if people think they need new exercise gear - shoes, socks, etc.

Well, to do that, I allow Google to place ads in certain places on the blog. The code I put in actually has a "spider" functionality where it "reads" my content and then provides advertisements related to the topic.

So, if you've been following this blog for a while, you've noticed a distinct change in the banners. Before the accident, there were ads for "24 Hour Fitness," running products, and other exercise-focused web sites. What I didn't understand were all of the "Laser Hair Removal" banners... but oh well.

Now, it's all about the "knee surgeries" and "broken bones" and things like that. Ahh... the times be-a-changin'.

Of course, I put all of this on there not to make money for Google but for me. Basically, if someone clicks on an ad, I get like .03. Once my balance gets up to $100, then they cut me a check. Whoo hoo! I'm in the money!!! Ha!

Well, I might be taking these ads off in the near future because I don't think these really apply to my audience. Before, people clicked more of them because they were of interest. But now? Who is interested in a knee surgeon in their area? DEFINITELY NOT ME!!!!

So, I just wanted to explain all of this to you. I'm also considering changing this blog up and moving it to one that has a more appropriate title. "Running" isn't really going to happen this year anymore. "Rehabbing" or "Recovery" is more of what this has evolved into...

But, feel free to click the ads if you want to give me a little tip. :-)

Learning Dependence...

I am a Single, 38-year-old, "never-been-married," extremely independent, self-described "army-of-one" guy. I've been called a Hermit, "Old Man," and many other words by my friends and family... and I've accepted that.

Living alone for the past 20 years, I've developed my own "Mr. Independent" personality. If I need something, I get it. If something needs to be fixed, I fix it. If it's the last straw, I will ask for help. However, I don't want to put people out so I try to make sure that is truly the last straw.

Life sure has changed...

I realized my "independence" was quickly leaving last week... Lying on that road near the Oklahoma City National Memorial, I knew I would need help to move. When the EMT's stood me up to see if I could put any weight on the leg... and watching it buckle... I knew then everything was changing.

It's a sureal experience to watch your friends stare at you while you're lying on a hospital gurney. Some are covering their mouths, some are leaving the room, and some are just looking at you with a tremendous amount of sympathy. You know then they're looking at you differently... you're not the man they once knew.

When you can't lift your leg, and they have to pick up your ankle, it's then you realize that you can't do this alone. When they're doing everything for you and you just have to sit there, you know change is coming. And when you're being told that this is going to be a long, difficult recovery, you know that you're going to need the help of others. Your independence and personal freedoms have left the building...

This week I have had to take down my own walls - those protective independent barriers that have made me who I am today - and allow others to help me in ways I would have never dreamed... or imagined.

There have been times, while watching a program or seeing someone with a disability, that I have thought, "What if that was me?" We take a lot of things for granted when we have "the ability" to do it. But if it's gone, then what?

One of the most independent things we all share is driving... so that has been a common question: "When will you be able to drive again?" Honestly, I have no idea. When I'm sitting, my legs are always kicked out in front of me with a pillow under my left knee. The brace is straight, so there is no bending... and that won't change until June 1 when they take out a pin to allow the brace to bend "slightly."

Given that my pickup truck has 20" wheels, and I have a stepside to get up into it already, I don't think I'll be driving for quite some time. Right now I'm just the passenger... stretched out in the backseat. Sure, this affliction is in my left leg... but it is going to take a lot of effort to just get to that point where I can climb into the vehicle even as a passenger.

Work? That's another interesting question. We all like to work. It's our own "thing." You may be a mother/father/husband/wife, but your work is basically who you are away from your home.

Now if driving isn't happening, then that means someone needs to drive me to and from work (downtown). My goal at this point is to return to work on May 19. However, when I actually walk in the door, that is still up in the air. At the present time, I plan to work from home. Thankfully I'm in a job and a group where this is OK.

Walking is another thing that I can't wait to do in a normal fashion. Right now, I'm tied to this walker. If you think I'm just pushing this at normal walking speed and keeping my balance, let me dispel that myth. It's a struggle. Basically, "one foot and then the other." I push the walker about 12 inches forward, then gently lift my left leg/foot. Placing all of the weight on my arms, I then pull the right leg... and start the process over again.

I'm relying 100% on my parents right now. My mom brings me my food and beverage, does my laundry, shops, and drives me around. She is my executive assistant in handling all of the calls from the doctor, pharmacist, friends, family, and my company. She's just incredible...

Joel, my stepdad, is helping out as well. He plans to take care of my yard this summer, even though I've told him that others have offered to mow. He lifts my leg for me when I'm getting up or off this couch, brings me newspapers, and generally is the last one up to make sure I have everything I need.

There are dozens of other things I could write about, but you get the drift of what I'm saying. Your homework assignment is to think of the things you do each day, and think how that would be impacted if you had a bum leg like mine.

I am not used to this at all, and it's killing me to not be able to live "life as usual."

However... I've been thinking. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe God is trying to teach me something here? Maybe I will be a changed person after all of this? Maybe I won't be so "closed off," instead being more open to others?

Maybe those walls will go down...

I don't think I'll ever be fully "Mr. Dependent," but maybe in the end I'll learn to be less of an "Army of One."

The Pain Meds are Wearing Off...

Do you remember the old board game from Milton Bradley called Operation? The goal was to challenge a person's dexterity (physical skills) to see if they could pull out a body part of "Cavity Sam" without setting off a buzzer... and making his nose light up!

Well, given what I went through last night and today, I might as well have a buzzer strapped to my body and a big red light on my nose.

You see, I've been a bit dependent upon the pain meds. When I checked out of the hospital on Friday, I was given a 30-pill supply of Hydrocodone to take two pills every 4 hours.

I think I've mentioned this before, but as the 4th hour is winding down, I am definitely starting to need a refresher.

While I'm awake, I definitely am aware of when the pills are wearing off. When I'm asleep, I think the red light starts to light up my room! That's an awesome feeling - you're deep in sleep, but you're not understanding, "Why in the heck is my leg hurting?"

Yesterday I realized that the pills were going to be gone before the end of the day. We started calling Walgreens knowing full well that my doctor did not give authorization for a refill. However, we thought they could get the ball rolling and things would be "back to normal" before the end of the day.

Let's just say "DO NOT" wait until the weekend to realize something like this. As of this morning, yours truly was out of the "good stuff" and was relying on the few remaining Percocet pills from last week's ER visit.

My mom fought the fight today... she was on the phone with both parties and trying to get a resolution remedied as fast as she could. Well, my hat is off to her... she got it all sorted out by 2 PM.

In the meantime, I had been visited by 1 nurse, 1 Physical Therapist (who had me do some work to see where I stood), and 2 friends. I had been up several times today, and boy oh boy was my knee throbbing.

When she walked in that door with the drugs, my nose was on FIRE it was so red hot and there was a serious buzzer going off!

Thirty minutes later... All was right again with the world...

Thank God for the scientists who invented this little medication!

I Can't Believe it's Only Been a Week...

This is one of my favorite pictures taken of me last Sunday. It seems to capture exactly what I was thinking - "What on earth is going to happen now?" Specifically, what is my life really going to be like???

Lying in that ambulance, I slowly realized my running days for 2009 were over. I guess that tends to sink in when your knee is disjointed and swollen and you're on your way to the hospital.

I also think I've had that expression for most of the week. I went from "running a Half marathon" to "struggling to walk to the bathroom" in a span of 1 week.

When I awoke this morning, I looked at the clock. It was about 9:30, and my mom was already coming in to attend to me. I said, "Wow... 1 week and 3 hours ago, this whole saga began."

On Sunday, I was in the ER and being pumped with Demerol, antibiotics, and a Tetanus shot. I was depending on my friends to help pack up my hotel room, pick up my prescription, get my food, and drive me back to Dallas. Even with all of that help, it still hadn't sunk in that this was much more serious than I realized.

On Monday, I was seeing an Orthopedic Surgeon, scheduling a surgery for Wednesday, having more X-Rays and tests performed, and making arrangements to have things taken care of while I would be in the hospital.

On Tuesday, I remember spending most of the morning either on the phone with friends and coworkers, answering emails, and trying to get ready for the next day's events. Chandra and I went to Target, and I got to ride my first "cart" while shopping.

On Wednesday, I awoke an hour earlier than expected due to my nerves. I remember getting prepped for surgery, going into surgery, and the haziness of coming out of surgery. I had a roller coaster of a day in regards to brain function... and that night would be a wilder ride as I tried to sleep.

On Thursday, it was just one bad painful day. My first Physical Therapy session was difficult, I felt loopy and sore throughout the day, and it was decided I wasn't ready to check out just yet. I remember a lot of people coming in that day, too. Not sure I remember who or why... but just remember the crowds.

On Friday, I checked out. I was SO ready. You know, people say they're ready but believe me... I WAS READY! I had my first shower in a week, and when I got home I think it hit my folks just how difficult it was going to be for them. Laura came over and helped a lot, and I'm thankful for that.

Saturday was a lot better. I was still sore, but it was good to have a plan of getting up every other hour and moving around. Laura and Britt came over for a visit, which was a nice break for my mom. There were some tremendous storms, and I enjoyed watching the Derby with my folks in the living room.

Today - well, I went home today. Temporarily. I wanted to go home to get a few things. In the process, my mom and I cut my hair (I think some of you will be shocked), I showered again, and sat in my living room for about half an hour in my own chair. It sure was nice... but we had to come back.

I was worn out after that, but my friend Mel came for a quick little visit and it was nice to spend time with her... and give my mom another break. After she left, I crashed! One thing I'm taking full advantage of are the naps... and I take plenty of those!

Tonight the pain is pretty intense. Just riding that wave and hoping it'll start to disipate in the near future. Keep up the emails when you want to communicate with me, or just read the blog for updates.

Hopefully I'll be a lot further along one week from today!

The Big Question...

Do you remember that classic SNL skit parodying the Total cereal called "Colon Blow?" It was Phil Hartman talking about how many bowls of cereal one would have to eat to equal the power of one bowl of Colon Blow...

I think if this cereal was real, my mom would have me eat several bowls...

Living with my folks is funny. Think about it - we are all at stages of our lives where we have our own routines... habits... privacies. However, when it comes to my bowels, that appears to be just a general topic and a "regular" conversation...

To say my mom is focused on the "output" part of my bodily functionality would be an understatement. Since Friday, her number one priority is my number two!

So since we're all talking about it over here, why not bring it up to the world??? Heck, we're all friends... right???

I should have known the depths she would go to get things rockin'. She's a well-known hypochondriac in the family. I think she would agree with that statement, so I'm not airing anything she wouldn't approve.

On Friday afternoon, she was a bit overwhelmed by all of the care that was facing her. She drove up to her friend's house in Frisco to get "disability aids." She was gone a really long time... that's not a good sign.

Now you gotta remember - Friday, I was just out of the hospital. I still had the remnants of morphine coursing through my system, as well as the world's strongest pain killer (according to relatives who have taken it before). So when she comes back with a "toilet-on-a-walker," I was a bit surprised... to say the least.

First of all, she brought it into the room where I'm staying. "Just get on it and I'll clean it up afterwards." Uh, that's NOT going to happen. I don't need my "business" to be out in public... and I certainly don't want to be sleeping near my "business." We don't even do that while camping!

Yesterday she figured out it can go right above the toilet. Well, let me just say that it's like climbing up on Mt. Everest - you're WAY up there. And then, there's quite a bit of distance between "Point A" and "Point B." Nice...

Picture this: You're left leg is straight. You can't bend it. It has pins and wires in the knee. Therefore, how do you sit down on a toilet with it fully extended? Pretty difficult... so that's why it's so dang high.

But believe me, I feel like one of those circus performers sitting on the top of a diving board high above the Big Top... and getting ready to dive into a bucket. That's about how big of a distance it feels like...

Now, since things haven't been going naturally South of the Border, she has decided to pump me full of everything imaginable. Fruit, oatmeal, fiber cookies, stool softeners, prunes... yes... prunes. This old man going around on his walker is now eating prunes. Great Googly Moogly...

This morning, we went over to my house so I could shower (it's just easier to go to my house and do it) and get a few things. As we're driving back, there's a bit of a silence. Then she says something. When I asked her to repeat it, she said "I spoke with Rachel yesterday and I'm going to buy you a bunch of Fiber One products." Good gravy...

So it's not really about the leg anymore... it's more about other "issues." It's just funny... and I know that the inevitable question will always and continuously be asked while I'm here... "Have you gone yet?"

Let's just focus on the knee for now... and everything else will work itself out.

I'm A Walker...

For those that have been following my blog for a while, you might remember the one titled, "I'm A Runner." link

It discussed one of my favorite sections of my monthly magazine, Runners World. They interview various celebrities on why they run.

Yesterday, watching Laura construct my new walker, it hit me: I'm now a walker.

Believe me... I'm not making light of this. I fully embrace this because it's the best that I can do for now. In fact, I'm barely a "walker" at the moment. I'm barely even a mover. I move so slowly and just inches at a time... paint dries faster than I can move!

To get up and get behind that walker takes an incredible amount of effort. Within 1o minutes I'm sweating like a pig, and it just kills me to move that leg. If I didn't know before, I now know... that knee is locked and pinned in place!

So where am I on the pain scale today? Pretty much a constant 6. I'm taking that as a good sign because I'm thinking I've got to experience a lot of pain before the healing begins... or maybe that's the healing that is going on.

I've been "home" now for 24 hours and it's been great. My parents have gone above and beyond the measure of care I could ask for... I can tell they're both a little surprised to see me in this condition. But, they're troopers and have tried to make me as comfortable as possible.

My routine has been to be awake about 2-3 hours. During that time I eat, take meds, try to get up and move, read, type, watch TV, etc. When I start seeing double, I know I'm reaching the point of no return. I get worn down pretty easily, so I just stretch out and close my eyes. I'm usually out for 45 minutes to an hour. Then we start it all over again.

Last night, I went to sleep around 9PM. Slept until 12:30, which was shocking. After that, I was up every 2 hours.

Anyway, I'm doing good...

My folks are excited about the Kentucky Derby today, and I had a "what the heck" moment and placed a bet for the race. I figured I was due for some good luck!